Roxy: I'm gonna get a bird.
Mason: Don't get a bird.
Roxy: Why not?
Mason: Because they're weird. Man, I can't relate to a bird that so far and moved and got different... chromosomes. And they come from eggs.
Roxy: They got faces.
Mason: So do cockroaches. ... What're you gonna do with a bird?
Roxy: Stick it in a cage and feed it, what do you think I'm gonna do with it?
Mason: Well I think you should at least get one you can eat.
Roxy: I'm gonna get a friend. I'm not gonna eat my friend!
Mason: They have brains the size of pistachios, it's not smart enough to be a friend.
Roxy: You don't know what you're talking about. I saw this special on PBS called Animal Miracles, and they did a dramatic reenactment about a guy being robbed and he had a parrot or a cockatoo or something, and that bird lost its shit when its owner was attacked. It opened up its cage--
Mason: Why would you put a bird in a cage if it can open the door?
Roxy: Where else are you gonna put it?! It opened up its cage and went crazy. Pet dabbed the robber's eyes, scratched his face up like he was Tippy Hedren or some shit, and don't you tell me that's not friendship.
Mason: How big was his parrot?
Roxy: I don't know, parrot size.
Mason: Well, a parrot can't take on a full grown man unless that man is a big pussy.
Roxy: I didn't say the parrot won. The robber stabbed it with a fork and killed its owner. The bird's dead.
Mason: So why are you getting a bird?
Roxy: It's not about homeland security you stupid motherfucker, I'm gonna get a friend!