Dead Like Me

Rube: Fine. Jesus'll leave a note. George: If he can walk on water, I guess he can write a note, too.

George: Why do you take people's Polaroids right before you pop their souls? Betty: Mmm... I was looking for a signature, trying to get away from the whole cloak and sickle thing; it's so unflattering.

George (V/O): Betty could get excited about the littlest things. Being undead made her more alive than any person I know.

(George sees Dolores bring a basket to her cubicle) George: If this is Murray the dead cat, I'm so outta here.

(Rube, George and Betty are at a Bowers family reunion trying to find M.J. Bowers) Rube: Is your name M.J.? Old Man Bowers: What? Rube: My friend tells me 'go say hello to M.J. he's standin' over there' and she points to you. Old Man Bowers: Which friend? Rube: Right there. Pretty girl in the pant suit. (They look at George and George waves) Old Man Bowers: That one? I don't know her. Uh, what is she pointing at me for? Rube: She thought you were M.J. Bowers. Are you? Old Man Bowers: Who wants to know? Rube: It's a family reunion. We're all family. I'm just askin' your name. Old Man Bowers: I don't know you, sir! Rube: Rube. Hi, how are you? Listen, I'm tired of f***n' around. Is your name M.J. Bowers or not? Old Man Bowers: (Confused) Uh...

Rube: You don't mess with fate, Peanut. People die when they are meant to die. There's no discussion. There's no negotiation. When life's done, it's done. You of all people should know that.

George as Millie: I'm almost finished. Delores: Wonderful. The embossed binders are in a white box by my desk. We're going do the cover pages last. I'm having Gail make a few changes. Did you know she's colour blind? George as Millie: No. Delores: That's unusual for girls. George as Millie: Really? Delores: Sure. My sister's colour blind, and everyone made such a fuss because it's so rare, but she's a little masculine, so none of us were very surprised, she has a wispy little moustache.

Florence: Les told me I could do anything on that stage long as I was singing. Such a kind heart. Except when he was working with Red Nickels. But that's because Red could be a real cocksucker. Especially when he was parading around with his ass in the air like a baboon presenting.

Mason: Oh my God. God, my dad used to listen to Louie Prima. Florence: I worked with Louie. It was at Frank Delaney's Terrace room. That's in Newark. Have you ever been to Newark? Mason: No, can't say I have. Florence: Oh. It's a toilet. But Louie had such an instinctive voice. Rub you all wrong, then would rub you all right. He was something else.

Florence: You're pushing too hard. Just the one stroke on the F. You lifted the goddamn pen. And that N, looks like an M. I mean, there's no M in Florence. Mason: No wonder your children don't come to visit you.

Delores: I know I act like I have it all together, but I am no stranger to adversity. I went through a rough patch when I was your age. It was the 80's and everyone was doing so much... cocaine. We called it... blow.

George (V/O): How does death deal with death? I guess the same way the living do, trying to make sense of something that will never quite make sense.

Rube: We usually take the soul in the A.M. Rest of the day is sangria and sunshine.

Mason: Is this collectable? Florence: I was raised on that washing powder. Those are the Gold Dust twins. Aren't they just the cutest little jiggaboos?

Betty: (takes out some things that help take security tags off clothing in stores.) This one is for those little hard reusable ones. Looks like a nipple on a tongue depressor.

Rube: Where you headed? Betty: Oh, I'm going again. That was a hoot. Rube: You like falling, do ya? Betty: Well, it's not the fallin', it's the jumpin'. Rube: I'd feel a whole lot better about the jumpin' if it weren't for the fallin'. Betty: Fallin's easy, you just fall. Jumping involves strength of will. Rube: Unless you're on a plank.

George (V/O): From the moment we're born, we hit the ground running, put one foot in front of the other and anything is possible. Of course, that's all bullshit. The truth is from evolution to revolution, things hardly ever change gradually. They change suddenly in great leaps. For those who understand this, life is a constant search for the next big jump. For the rest of us, all that jumping seems kind of stupid.

Betty: Here, take my picture. George: What? What? Betty: Take my picture. George: Why? Betty: Happy thoughts. (George takes the picture. Betty starts taking off her ring.) Betty: For my beautiful young friend. (she puts the ring in George's hand) I love you, sweety. (she starts walking away) George: Wait, what are you doing? Betty: Time to shake things up a bit. Piggyback ride.

Betty: I had to work the Macy's Thanksgiving parade all alone one year. There was this travesty with a rogue Marmaduke balloon.

Florence (elderly dead lady): That's an ugly cat. If I had a cat like that I'd sell it to a Vietnamese restaurant.