William Conrad: I'm here tonight to pay tribute to a fellow flier, Major General Barry Goldwater, retired U.S. Air Force. We both won our pilots wings at Loopfield, Phoenix, Arizona. We both served in World War II and at that time Barry Goldwater was on our side, but even then I knew that you would go far Senator, go far in the service because you studied humility under General MacArthur and took charm lessons from General Patton. As a bomber pilot General Goldwater single-handedly laid waste to eleven major cities and then he went overseas.
William Holden: (on one of Barry Goldwater's speech promises) "I will remove pornography from the streets of America and put it where it belongs." At home in his den.
Zsa Zsa: I'm not going to tell what happened on our first date but Barry dear, how can they call you a conservative.
The musical portion and the skit for this episode was edited out of the Celebrity Roast release.
Staff Sergeant Don Rice of the United States Airforce served with Barry Goldwater during World War II on the same plane.