Dean Martin Celebrity Roast

Season 5 Episode 3

Jack Klugman

Aired Unknown Mar 17, 1978 on NBC



  • Quotes

    • Red Buttons: Ladies and gentlemen the question tonight is Why are we giving this slob a dinner? A man who has it in his will he wants to be cremated and the ashes thrown into Tony Randall's face. Why then I repeat to reiterate are we giving this card carrying slob a dinner. When some of the biggest people in the history of the world, never got a dinner. Adam who said to Eve in the Garden of Eden, "Of all the people I know, I like you best", Dracula who said when they drove a stake thru his heart, "I spell relief R-O-L-A-I-D-S", never got a dinner. The referee who said to Leon Spinks in the ALi fight "No gumming in the clinches", never got a dinner. Ex-congressman Hayes who said, "If I am elected again, I will hire a typist", William of Orange who said on his wedding night "Now that's what I call a navel!" Medusa who said when she saw the snakes growing out of her head, "Look Ma, Phyllis Diller!" Never got a dinner. Alex Haley the author of "Roots", who traced his family all the way back to the rear of the bus, never got a dinner. Maury Xerox the inventor of the Xerox machine who said to his wife Zelda "Zelda Xerox, it's easy if you want another baby make a copy of Irving." Never had a dinner. Anwar Sadat who said to Menachem Begin in Cairo, "No that's not a camel, that's Dolly Parton lying on her back." Never got a dinner.