Dean Martin Celebrity Roast

Season 1 Episode 5

Kirk Douglas

Aired Unknown Oct 11, 1973 on NBC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Don Rickles: I will say to you as the audience out there tonight Kirk Douglas knows Burt Lancaster personally. Burt Lancaster would be here tonight but he was in a circus act in Germany and climbed up the rope too fast. And is now in his home in Malibu going (gritting his teeth in a Burt Lancaster manner) Ow!

    • Don Rickles: Kirk said we're going to have a little dinner party and I said fine, as you well know Kirk and Ann invited us, as we pulled up in the driveway and I do say this because we all struggle in life to attain success and I pulled up in the driveway and I saw a Rolls Royce and it said FAS1 and I got all excited. Barbara that's Frank Sinatra's car, what a night, Frank Sinatra's here. My wife said, "Honey pull yourself together, I mean for God's sake don't be an idiot, pull yourself together, you have all his albums, what are ya gonna do, go crazy?." We walked in and there were twelve people, not stars like you figure you'd see, the Gregory Pecks, the Charlton Hestons, that school, it was Harry Dickman, Sol Katz, Lou Ferpo, Marco Don Bonanzo, who I never asked what he did, figuring I could be in the bay going (tongue hanging out his mouth, floating). Cheer up Kirk, I said Kirk, "It's an exciting night" and with that somebody tapped me on the shoulder and Dean Martin cherishes this man as I do because I got news, the guy we're talking about really I can only speak for myself, he is the THING you know and the voice said "Hey palie how do you want the pizza, crisp, crisp, crisp pizza? Pizza crisp?" I said, "What were you saying Kirk?", Kirk says "In this new picture, in my new movie, these two people are coming up, what a picture I'm doing" ... and the other voice, "Hey come on now I've asked you three times how do you want the pizza", and with one turn with a drink in my hand I turn around and say "Will you stop bothering me Frank, I'm talking to people, I don't care how you make the pizza!"

  • Notes

    • Tim Conway was edited out of the re-released special as well as Lynn Anderson and Dean Martin's musical performance.

  • Allusions