Mary Alice: “So the most we can offer any stranger is reasonable doubt but once the doubt is gone, people are anything but reasonable”.
Yeah because Wisteria Lane is a haven of reasonable people where every single person is given the benefit of the doubt and characters are consistently level headed and compassionate and never even dare to think the worst of one another.
Oh wait, that would be an alternative Wisteria Lane and not the one we’ve been accustomed for the past three years. This is where that soap opera element of the series is really exposed and highlighted time and time again when characters are all too willing to think the worst, sometimes justifiable, a good few times not so much.
First off there is Lynette, who has got it so much in her head that Art is a paedophile that I’m somewhat surprised that she hasn’t made a citizens arrest on the man just yet because her and Tom’s attempts of involving the police is nothing short of a disaster.
When it comes to real trouble on Fairview, the police are a pretty funny bunch. Convicting someone who isn’t guilty of a crime they have no problem with but when told there’s a possible paedophile in the neighbourhood, they’re not the most proactive of people. Basically cops are stupid in every show they inhabit!
In fact I can’t help but wonder how Lynette didn’t totally lose her patience with the unhelpful detective she was talking to because he was certainly more interested in the fact that she stopped by Art’s house pretty uninvited as opposed to the obscene photographs that Lynette discovered in Art’s basement as well.
To add a further complication to this storyline, Art was pretty unaware of Lynette’s snooping until Parker blurted it out by accident during an awkward moment between her and Art. We all know that Lynette isn’t so great at repressing her feelings and maybe she was trying to play it cool to get more information on her new neighbour but that all went to pieces in a short length of time.
It all then gets worse for Lynette’s credibility when Parker goes missing and the first person she suspects of her son’s absence is Art and Lynette makes the foolish blunder of going in there and more or less confronting Art over his little hobbies and photographs. It’s foolish because she’s just given Art enough ammunition against her really.
It should’ve been a masterstroke in great detective work for Lynette but Art’s had time to clear things out and soon his neat toys have been given to a hospital and his obscene photographs have been dispatched of and with his sister more than willing to back him up, this round is Art’s one.
Lynette has made herself an enemy of the man she doesn’t like (and if she’s right, the who can blame her?) and while she may not care but it definitely didn’t help her that Parker was with Tom at the time and Tom now doesn’t believe her and is convinced that she’s suffering from PTSD.
It’s an interesting theory that stress could be affecting Lynette’s judgement of Art and it wouldn’t exactly be the first time that the series have set up a plot to look like one thing and turn out to be the other but how the writer could even explain the provocative pictures Art has of those children would definitely suspend some element of disbelief.
At least Lynette has one person on her side who doesn’t think that she’s crazy and that person is of course Karen McClusky. Karen and Lynette have developed quite the friendship over the last couple of seasons and her determination to help Lynette expose Art is quite interesting and to be honest, Karen is another Fairview resident you wouldn’t want as an enemy.
Then again as stupid and overpaid as they are, the cops of Wisteria Lane are other people who you want to stay out of their radar as Mike finds himself being continually harassed by them that I’m beginning to think that these particular cops are more determined to bust him for killing a corrupt cop in defence that one time than they are interested over whether or not Mike is responsible for Monique’s death.
It also doesn’t help Mike that his new best friends Carlos and Tom (seriously low blow guys) are more interested on using his place as a place to drink beer and watch football than they are helping him to remember more about himself.
When Mike asks the really sensible question on whether or not he was a violent person, Carlos is more or less forced to admit that Mike kept to himself a little too much, which only rattled Mike more than ever. Edie was also pretty useless in filling the dots as well come to think of it.
Mike also then makes the grave error of going out into the woods and trying to bury the toolbox with the bloody wrench inside. Suffice to say the cops are there and more than ready to arrest Mike and thanks to Mike’s density, that’s exactly what they can do. Maybe staying in that coma wasn’t such a bad thing after all, eh?
Lynette and Mike aren’t the only ones rubbing people up the wrong way as Gloria continues to be as beastly as humanly possible and the old chrome seriously excelled herself tonight with the kind of maliciousness that could rival Andrew’s past actions to a tee.
Not only is happy to undermine all of Bree’s attempts of making her feel at home, whether it’s slating her cooking or putting Orson down without a care in the world, I don’t understand why on earth Bree would even tolerate it. She wouldn’t put up with Shirley’s petulance so why the hell is she tolerating Gloria’s? Perhaps its sympathy or that burning curiosity to learn why Orson and Gloria hate each other so much?
Then there are Orson’s attempts of trying to get the hag out of his life and new home by getting her a new place to live but when Edie could only come up with places that were health hazards, Orson should’ve seen this particular omen – that Bree would continue to allow his mother to stay.
Then we began to learn why Orson really hates the very ground that Gloria walks on when upon being caught drinking, Gloria maliciously tells Bree that Orson cheated on Alma with Monique. Hardly a shock when most of us had guessed that Orson had a relationship with Monique but Gloria’s seemingly vitriol for the dead lady is very interesting to say the least.
Orson slightly roughing up his mother also didn’t do him much in terms of favours because predictably enough, Gloria’s little outburst seems to shatter those rose tinted glasses that Bree is particularly fond of wearing and while she admits that she knows that Orson loves her, she decides that he can’t be in her home so she kicks him out.
Although Orson is still a suspicious character all the more for Gloria’s presence, I still felt really bad for him. Gloria has to be the worst parent for an adult character we’ve seen on this show and we’ve had our fair share of lousy parents on this series but at the same time I get why his baggage might be a bit too much to handle for Bree. It didn’t help that he hadn’t been forthcoming with the Monique info himself.
Speaking of baggage, Susan has to deal with new boyfriend Ian’s in a rather novel way as the next step in their relationship comes with its own set of obstacles. With further British stereotyping, rich boy Ian has his own butler called Rupert and let’s just say that Rupert isn’t particularly fond of the new addition in Ian’s life.
Maybe he saw that part in Heartbreakers where Sigourney Weaver’s character managed to get the maid arrested and fears that Susan is manipulative in that manner but either way, Rupert doesn’t hold back on his hostility for Susan one iota and whether it’s unsubtle comparisons to certain pastries or being difficult when requested by Ian to find Susan a draw, the old butler isn’t keen to give Susan a break.
Despite going out of his way to label her a whore in one scene in which Susan responded by slapping him across the face, Rupert is the only person so far to challenge Susan and Ian’s relationship and he’s the only person up until now to actually point some factors that both Susan and Ian have ignored since Mike woke up from his coma.
The factor of course is Jane and how technically, Ian is still married, Jane is still alive and technically by law what Ian is doing with Susan is committing adultery and it’s plain to see that Rupert feels that way too. Susan later brings up the fact that Jane is the third person in their relationship and while Ian is more than willing to further let Susan into his life, he does have a tendency to act like he doesn’t have a wife to consider.
Rupert may not want to give Susan the time of day but at the end of the day his reasons were the best ones for Susan and Ian to break up and if they didn’t work then it will have to be down to Mike at some point during the season to make Susan reconsider who she should be with.
Elsewhere Gabrielle continues to look for something to do in her life now that now her divorce has come through and her rather camp pal Vern decides to enrol in his beauty pageant for little girls and while Gabby is far from enthusiastic with the girls she is expected to turn into beauty queens, something inside her is inspired by them.
Yeah, Gabrielle actually ends up enjoying her role as teacher and once she gets over her initial snobbery, she tries bonding with her new students by buying them pizza and revealing a few details on the modelling trade.
However even when Gabby is trying to do something nice she still usually manages to get it wrong and giving the girls tips on how to stay thin by accident sees a lot irate mothers wanting her gone and Vern is only too happy to give her the heave-ho until Gabby tells the moms about her new found appreciation of being a mentor and manages to keep her position. I’m sure it also didn’t hurt that she was quick to mention diet pills she could get for some of the girls rather obese mothers as well.
This is hardly the most riveting storyline out of the main five we have this week but it is great to actually see Gabby do something than renew her feud with Carlos or go back on the dating scene which we’ll no doubt see in the upcoming weeks.
Also in “Beautiful Girls”
Housewife of the week: Susan is given a Cinderella style description of her relationship with Ian, which no doubt has Rupert cast as the wicked stepfather.
Rupert: “You are aware that there is a Mrs Hainsworth?”
Susan: “Of course”
Rupert: “Tart it is”.
Tom (re Art): “She didn’t know he was an actual paedophile before she baked the cake”
Lynette: “He doesn’t care about the cake”.
We know that Rupert has worked for Ian for ten years and although he may have gone too far, I felt he was right to challenge Susan/Ian’s relationship.
Vern: “You said you hated it”
Gabrielle: “And I said I hated helping others but I’m doing that for free”.
Edie (to Mike): “You know what’s just occurred to me, there’s no point in paying the cable bill if you’re not gonna have electricity. So I’m thinking pay the electricity upfront”.
Gabby is officially using her maiden name Marquez and judging by Carlos’ behaviour, I’ll take it that he has also moved in with Mike indefinitely.
Gabrielle (to Vern, re girls): “Good comparison but it’s gonna take a miracle to turn these mutts into show dogs”.
Edie (re home): “With a highly motivated cellar”
Bree: “With a highly motivated cockroach”.
Gabby’s horror stories regarding her modelling career were amusing enough especially when the girls reacted by dropping their pizza.
Rupert (to Susan): “What would you prefer – consort, concubine, gold digging whore?”
Lynette: “The thing is I promised Tom that I’d back off”
Karen: “I didn’t”.
No Austin or Julie this week though everyone else was present.
Gloria: “I don’t obey rules, I make them”
Orson: “Not anymore”.
Orson: “I love you”
Bree: “I know but it scares the hell out of me”.
Chronology: None was actually specified this week.
“Beautiful Girls” wins the prize of one of the worst episode titles ever thought of on the series and while we’ve had stronger episodes, it’s still got enough plotlines that will keep viewers hooked.
Episode Fan Reviews (16)
