Find Your Own Sandbox
Written by Christian McLaughlin And Valerie Ahern
Directed by Larry Shaw
8.0
"Great"
Gloria: "May I come in?"
Bree: "Sure, what's a garden without a snake?"
Well I don't know about Bree but for me, gardens without snakes are pretty standard stuff especially given that I live in the very country where snakes were banished and given that this review stems a little after Paddy's Day, I thought I would throw that in there.
If Bree and Orson thought that dealing with Gloria and Alma in separate measures was bad enough, then the two of them find themselves further up the creek without a paddle when the two prized meddlers are revealed to being working together. I already knew that and so has everyone else watching the last few episodes but now only Bree and Orson come to that realisation.
Bree's hopes of using the fact that Alma has possession of Monique's teeth as a means of getting rid of her husband's ex-wife are stalled by a more long term plan of getting her to back off by Orson, who thinks this will solve their problems.
Sadly it turns out that Alma is one of those annoying old fashioned types who have the misguided belief that having a child will save a marriage, which given the fact that her and Orson are divorced and that the latter clearly despises Alma as much as his own mother would be enough for a more self-aware person to realise that this particular marriage is well and truly dead.
Another person rooting for Alma to sink her claws back into Orson is Gloria and the evil witch has the audacity to even accuse Bree of being the other woman, which is a bit stupid considering that Alma had been out of the picture when Bree and Orson hooked up with one another but even that piece of logic doesn't stop her from further getting on Bree's wrong side.
With the injections we've seen Alma take in "No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds" revealed as hormone shots, Alma's next course of action is to have her way with Orson and seeing as he won't be coming onto her willingly, Alma's quick to enlist Gloria's help in order to pull off her latest stunt.
Now see what would be the best way of getting your ex-husband who clearly wants nothing to do with you in order to drop everything and rush to your aid? Oh, that's right pretend you're trying to kill yourself and get his satanic mother to call you for help because for Alma it certainly works a charm.
As for the next part, well it seems that Alma wants a baby and because Orson isn't going to screw, Gloria gives him a potent mix of sleeping tablets and Viagra so that Alma can have her way with Orson and Gloria can possibly obtain a grandchild in the mix, giving both Orson and viewers even more reason to hate the dastardly pair.
When it comes to Desperate Housewives, you wonder what sense of humour Marc Cherry and his writers have because never has rape been shown in such a comic way. This doesn't mean I found Orson being sexually attacked amusing because knowing people who have been raped, it's not something I would ever find amusing but it's certainly a different take on the subject.
However if Alma was hoping for the last laugh on this one, then raping her former husband has certainly seen her lose whatever power she has over Orson because when Bree catches them in bed together and quickly realises that her husband has been drugged as opposed to just playing away, Alma's smug face receives an almighty punch from an understandably furious Bree. In fairness, the **** had that one coming because if I had been Bree I would've dragged her down to the cop shop along with the eternally psychotic Gloria as well. What exactly is it about Alma that Gloria would resort to drugging her own son so she could get a grandchild? Both Gloria and Alma are also crazier that gun toting Carolyn was.
Speaking of crazy, Susan is in desperate needs of putting the other important people in her life besides Mike. Not only has she managed to destroy her decade plus friendship with Bree but she's also causing Ian to continuously act like an insecure schoolboy.
Her good points of the episode include helping Ian to say his final words to Jane when the latter died and Ian was on a plane to Montreal while Susan and Ian's friend Erica discussed Jane in depth. It's also Jane cheating on Ian that fuels his own current insecurity with women as well as evidenced by him and Susan's views on Mike.
When Ian hires a lawyer who gives Mike a realistic expectation of what he can expect regarding the fact that he has no actual proof of his innocence in Monique's death, Susan and Ian row about how Mike is affecting their relationship and if I didn't think Mike's innocence was clouding Susan's judgement, then I'm given another reason to doubt Susan.
It's bad enough risking one friendship and destroying it but is Susan really that stupid to destroy another friendship? The answer is yes because when she learns that Zach is pestering Gabby for a date, Susan is happy to pimp out her friend in the hopes that Zach will actually get Mike a lawyer.
Last time I checked Zach wasn't exactly keen on Mike and spent most of Season Two going out of his way to avoid him so even with spending time with Gabby as an incentive, I wasn't sure that Susan's latest plan would actually work and when you have Gabby of all people in a position of taking the moral high ground, you just know that your plan isn't right.
As Gabby was quick to point out, Susan wouldn't even let Zach around Julie but because Mike could spend life in jail for a crime we know he didn't commit, it's alright for Gabby to spend time with the crazed teen? Yeah, Susan you're a pretty crappy friend.
Of course Gabby was being harassed by Zach anyway so maybe she could try and get something out of their sudden friendship that still feels every bit as forced for someone other than herself? Then again Zach isn't the type who takes being dictated to so it's his terms Gabby has to run with and that involves chewing on more than what she usually eats in a week, never mind a day.
Gabby is then hit with another unpleasant truth having to kiss Zach because her best efforts of swaying him of the icky topic don't work and as viewers we get to witness one of the worst onscreen kisses on US television and the fact that Eva Longoria and Cody Kasch lack chemistry isn't the problem.
What is, however is the somewhat clichd writing that Zach is getting that makes you take this plot less seriously by the minutes. When Zach tries to chat up Gabby and name drops a certain label of champagne, it feels naff and the fact that he's paid women to sleep with him and people to basically talk to him is predictable.
It's true what they say, money doesn't buy you happiness and in Zach's case he's still the miserable kid we've seen in the first two season and his essential gawky manner is only highlighted rather than covered up. While Gabby may have enough compassion to befriend him without wanting money or sex from him, you can just tell this won't be a sweet friendship.
As for Zach living up his word about Mike, amazingly enough he managed to get him off and while Mike can enjoy his freedom for the time being, one thing he can't enjoy is Susan's company when she finally chooses Ian over Mike in a pretty sad moment between the former lovers.
Mike also had to deal with trying to figure out why Paul paid people to attack him in jail and when he learns that both him and Paul have a son named Zach in common, Mike asks Zach to visit Paul in jail and given that Zach seems more happy to forget about his other father, Mike manages to talk him round.
Sadly Paul blows any chances of Zach being a part of his life on the outside when he appears more interested in Zach hiring people to track Felicia than he does about Zach's welfare. Well Paul has always had a one track and while Zach may be somewhat callous in opting to let Paul rot rather than help him, I don't necessarily blame him for not wanting Paul to scupper the life he's building for himself.
Meanwhile someone else is finding her hand slightly twisted into changing her current life choices and that person is Lynette, who is forced to choose helping Tom out on the fair as his launch for the Pizza Parlour is looming rather than going back to work and faking an illness would've been enough to keep hapless Ed happy if it wasn't for Kayla trying to get her own back on Lynette by telling Ed what she was really up to.
Naturally Ed is pretty mad at Lynette and she comes close to losing her job but unlike Tom, Lynette can talk herself out of a sticky situation and manages to keep her job at Parcher and Murphy, so undoubtedly Kayla is probably going to have to try a bit harder to get even with Lynette. Funny thing is though that a couple of weeks ago Lynette would've rather sold the twins on EBay than risk the family's finances on Tom's idea of running a pizza place and while so far there has only been one of two minor glitches before the place opens for business, it's still a little strange that she jack in her own secure job in exchange for working with Tom because both of them have had problems in the past working together and in a place where it's owned by one of them, those problems could get even more thornier if they play power games on the other.
Also in "Come Play Wiz Me"
Husband of the week: Orson checking out teeth for Alberta, Edie and Carlos in a variety of places such as cocktails, birthday parties and the men's bathroom. I certainly don't get the appeal to Orson's job, if there is one.
Ian (re Mike): "With good behaviour he could be out in five"
Susan: "With a good lawyer, he could be out in zero".
Parker: "You've been a lot nicer since you shot"
Lynette: "That's good to know".
After last week's lack of opening credits, they're back once again this week.
Gabrielle (to Zach): "Listen to me you pimply psychopath, you and I are never going to party. In fact the only reason we are ever gonna be in the same room again is if you strangle a cheerleader and I wind up on the jury".
So Zach paid off the judges so Gabby's little girl could win the pageant? Whatever, I was more interested in how well Mike took Paul's bombshell about Zach more than anything else.
Gabrielle: "You're pimping me out to a teenager!"
Susan: "Okay I deserve the pimping remark but let's not pretend that, you know? We're above teenagers".
I've only just noticed but Gabrielle hair is back to its darker glory while Julie is retaining the blonde. Zach's long looks beyond silly though.
Erica (to Susan, re Jane): "Ian took her back but if you're asking me if he ever trusted her again, then I don't think so".
Is it me or was there another actress playing Jane? The one they had here looks different from what we've seen in the first two episodes this season.
Tom: "You do of course realise you have to sleep with the boss"
Lynette: "I can do that".
Gabrielle (re paying people): "So stop doing it then"
Zach: "Yeah right and then I'd be alone".
No Julie, Austin or Danielle this week. Too bad, I wanted a confrontation between the three of them.
Alma: "I could be expecting right now"
Bree (punching her): "Are you expecting this?"
Chronology: About two or three months since "Bang".
"Come Play Wiz Me" take the themes of unlikely friendships, career changes and renewed hope and mostly runs a bit wild with them. It's an improvement on last week's instalment and there are some pretty surreal moments that move things along nicely as well.moreless
