Desperate Housewives

Orson: (holding a prescription) I'm not entirely comfortable giving this to you Mike. Pain medication only helps your symptoms. If this is chronic you need to be seeing a physical therapist. Mike: You know what I need? Orson, I need to take a few weeks off, but I can't cause I've got to work. For the baby, for Julie's class trip, for the patio furniture and everything else Susan's got me paying for. Orson: You okay Mike? You sound a little unhappy. Mike: No, no, I'm happy. I don't mean to put all of this on Susan. It's just, when I signed up for this suburban-dad thing I didn't exactly know what I was getting myself into.

Bree: Hello, doctor. Orson: Bree, what a wonderful surprise. I've got a new patient coming in. Bree: Umm... yes, you do. I'm Mrs. Zimmerman. Orson: Eh... your message said you have a cavity that needed filling?!? Bree: I was in a very naughty mood when I left that.

Andrew: (about himself) Can the mistake have the salt?

Mary Alice: Yes, the mistakes of our past have a way of drifting back into our lives. And when they do, we have to pay for them.

(While at the church, Gabrielle hits Carlos with her purse.) Carlos: Ouch! (There's a cleaning woman standing next to them and heard Carlos yelling and looks at them. Gabrielle sees that she's looking and says) Gabrielle: He took the Lord's name in vain!

Carlos: I can't take it anymore. We gotta go to the cops. Gabrielle: Oh, okay! And say what? Yes, officer, my lover and I knocked my husband overboard twice and left him for dead! Okay, bye bye! I don't think so!

Mike: (On the phone) This is Mike. I'm only going to say this once. I'll get you your money. But don't ever come to my house again. Do you hear me? Ever!

Bree: Andrew, I understand you're angry with me about what I said but, I do have a good reason for wanting to raise Benjamin differently. Let's be honest, you put me through hell. Andrew: You're right. I know I did. But that's why I'm mad, because I changed and you never noticed. I got a job, a car, my own health insurance. I've turned things around. Bree: Well, I know that. Andrew: Then why haven't you said anything? (Bree realizes she didn't.) Andrew: It's because you've been so focused on your new husband and baby. Bree: Andrew.. Andrew: Mom, it's okay. I know you got a new life. I think it's time I did too. Bree: I just don't want us to part on bad terms again, like we did two years ago. Andrew: You mean when you left me on the side of that road? (Bree feels guilty) Andrew: Mom, I was spinning out of control. You forced me to grow up. If I haven't said it before… Thank you.

Glen: OK, what's the plan? Lynette: Once she shows up, you'll meet her and give her the money. Then ask her to walk you back to the car. I'll jump out and grab her, and while you open the trunk… Glen: Lynette! Lynette: Fine. The backseat. But you're just gonna spoil her. Glen: (laughs) I see you still have that wicked sense of humor. Lynette: (laughs) Yeah. It's the one good thing you get from a crappy childhood.

Gabrielle: (to Carlos) You can stop feeling guilty. Victor's alive, and we're screwed!

Bree: Did you and Lynette do the family bed when your children were babies? Tom: It wasn't exactly a choice, they just kept crawling in there. Bree: So, um.. not to pry but.. um.. did that create any issues… for you? Tom: You mean sex? Bree: (chuckles) Apparently "not to pry" wasn't necessary. Tom: Well, it did put a crimp on things first, but that just forced us to be more creative. Bree: Oh. Again, not to pry, but… Tom: The office! We did it at the office. Once in the car. And do you remember when you asked us to wash the house when you guys were going out of town? Bree: OK (chuckles) Thanks, yes um.. we'll be going now!

(Bree is reading in bed, with Benjamin next to her, Orson wants to put him in the crib) Bree: No. He'll be sleeping with us! Orson: Why? Is he running a fever? Bree: He's fine. But, I've been doing some reading, and more and more people say that babies sleep better next to their parents. It's called the family bed. Orson: Oh. I've heard of that. Isn't it designed to facilitate breastfeeding? Bree: Partly. What's your point? Orson: You're not lactating. If our son needs to be near the milk, he'll have to sleep in the refrigerator. Bree: Eh. This isn't just for me and Benjamin, this will help you bond with him too. Orson: Perhaps. But it's sure not gonna help me bond with you. (He gets closer to kiss her, she pulls away) Bree: Darling, sex is the last thing women want right after they've given birth. Orson: But you didn't give birth. You watched and served refreshments. Bree: Well, that doesn't make caring for an infant any less tiring. Can we just give it a chance? (Turns off the lamp and lies down) Orson: I suppose. (Lies down with her) Orson: What if I roll over and crush him? Bree: Don't!

Mary Alice: (narrating) One day in the early fall, Mike Delfino hurt his shoulder. To ease his pain, he took a little white pill recommended by his doctor. The pain persisted, so he took another, and another. Unfortunately, when Mike's pain began to subside, his need for the little white pills did not. But Mike never shared this with those who cared about him, only with those who could not have cared less.

Gabrielle: What are you doing now? Carlos: I'm praying for a miracle. Gabrielle: Carlos, if Victor had lived, he would've killed us. I'm thinking we already had our miracle.

Julie: I am going to kiss Derek good night. Susan: Oh, fine. Break my heart. Julie: Why are you freaking out? We're just dating. It's not like he's trying to put a ring on my finger. Susan: Trust me. Your finger is not where he'd put it.

Susan: Did you kiss that boy? Julie: No, I was kind of interrupted. Susan: Oh, well, you're gonna thank me. Do you know that he has his tongue pierced? Julie: Yeah. He showed me. How do you know? Susan: I checked out his web page. Julie: You did not. Susan: I did too. And do you know what else he has pierced? And if you do, you're grounded. Julie: OK, yes, mom, Derek has bought into the whole piercing craze, but aren't you the one who told me to not judge a book by its cover? Susan: If the cover has holes in it, the book is no good.

Mary Alice: The past is never truly behind us. Ghosts lurk in the shadows, eager to remind us of the choices we made. But, if we look back, we might find an old friend with open arms or an old enemy with a hidden agenda or a grown up son with a forgiving heart. Sadly, some of us refuse to look back, never understanding that, by denying the past, we are condemned to repeat it.

Mary Alice: We think of the past as water under the bridge, a current that carries away the mistakes of our youth, the loves we lost, the addictions we gave into, the opportunities we threw away. But, sooner or later, reminders drift back into our lives of the mistakes we made and the sins we committed.

Orson: After two nights of sleepless bonding with my son I nearly dozed off while repairing Mrs. Colby's cracked molar. I doubt if the crown I put in will last her a year. Bree: So, you'll replace it for free. Orson: That's not the point. How is a dentist supposed to feel when he can't give a 90-year-old a lifetime guarantee? Bree, I'm sorry but this whole family bed thing has to stop. Bree: Oh, give it some time. We're still adjusting, and Benjamin is sleeping so soundly. Orson: He can sleep just as soundly in a crib. From what you've told me, you and Rex didn't haul Andrew into bed with you. Bree: No, and I wish we had. If we did he mightn't have turned out so... Andrew: So, what? Stupid? Lazy? Short? Bree: I was going to say angry.

Orson: (to Bree) I need to either sleep, or get lucky tonight. I'll have a better chance at both if I'm alone.