'Everybody Says Don't' fixes some of the problems that have beset Desperate Housewives in the past few weeks, although a number of rather undesirable plot elements still manage to worm their way into the story.
6.5
"Fair"
'Everybody Says Don't' fixes some of the problems that have beset Desperate Housewives in the past few weeks, although a number of rather undesirable plot elements still manage to worm their way into the story. The pace finally begins to ramp up as Dave's master plan takes centre stage, which is counter pointed rather nicely with the slowly increasing involvement of the authorities, as they begin to put the pieces together. While the excessively smug attitudes of the two policemen are somewhat lamentable, and their apparent lack of professionalism in the scene with Dr. Heller's secretary is a little baffling (surely they wouldn't discuss their plans for the case in front of a citizen? "Hmm, maybe we should send a text back!" Huh?), it is nevertheless pleasing to see somebody finally obtaining the knowledge that we, as an audience, have harboured for the last six months. The reintroduction of Karen and Roberta to the story is also very welcome, as the comic interplay between the two is always a delight to behold, although the forthcoming incorporation of yet another burglary into the show does seem to betray its struggle with the concept of originality. The trajectory of the plot is a little predictable too: it's practically a given that MJ won't snuff it, so something will have to interrupt Dave's plan. My money's on Mike either finding out that Williams is being pursued by the police for questioning, and therefore contributing to their finding him, or, as is more likely after the suspicious look he gives Dave at episode's end, on him deciding to watch the strictly verboten 'band' video tape before he goes on his honeymoon which, obviously, would reveal the entire plan to him and send him running right after the fishing trio with a shotgun in his hand.
Let's face it guys, this is utterly ridiculous. Sure, it makes a semblance of sense that Dave would try to explain his reasoning on tape, and it gives us a deliciously menacing opening scene (credit to Neal McDonough for some top notch acting), but really, what self-respecting revenge-driven psychopath hands the keys to his secret identity to his victims? Huh? He might as well blurt the entire plan out in Mike's face, while Susan and the little brat are watching, so ludicrously flawed are his actions. What guarantee does he have that Delfino will wait until after his honeymoon with Katherine to watch the tape? Um, precisely none. In fact, what guarantee does he have that the flipping wedding will even go ahead, given how emotionally stunted the whole thing is? A couple of hours or so after MJ, Susan and Dave leave, Mike has a change of heart and whoops! Wedding's off. Time to sit down with a nice cold one in front of the TV and reminisce about the band camaraderie of old. Except... not. Surely it would have made more sense for Dave to keep the tape in his own house so that it can be found when the police inevitably search it? Or, even better, to mail it with a required delivery date? But no, that would be too easy, too logical, too realistic; it couldn't be the crimp in his plan then, the device needed to spark the awareness that is needed to save MJ. Sigh. This is so transparent, it might as well be a deux et machina.
Oh and while we're on the subject, I have such little faith in the Housewives writing staff that I am virtually convinced that this whole storyline is going to be the catalyst for the practically inevitable break-up of Mike and Katherine. Their relationship has been so denigrated in the past few weeks that it seems ludicrous to think they'll actually go through with the incredibly rushed wedding. We've been hit over the head, time and time again, with the notion that there are flaws in their coupling, from the fact that they 'want different things' to Mayfair's oft-irritating insecurity to Mike's apparently rekindled love for Susan bloody Myer. The next logical step seems to be the acknowledgement of these problems, and what's the betting that it will take Mike rushing to his son's aid, to the detriment of his impending marriage (you can bet your bottom dollar that all this will occur during the wedding itself; Housewives is in love with tired clichés, after all), to achieve this? He'll save the day, rescue his family and realise just how much he's missing. Or maybe worry that MJ has no big, strong, manly man around to save him from evil ogres like Dave Williams and therefore vow to 'try to work things out with Susan'. Sigh. I really, really don't want it to happen. I'd love for the show to take us in a completely unexpected direction, to actually have the courage of its convictions and put a permanent stop to the perpetual merry-go-round that is Delfino and Myer's useless waste of a relationship, but I just can't see it happening. Look at the scenes they all have together in this episode, for crying out loud: oh sure, Susan ultimately gives the lovers her 'blessing', demanding to know whether Mike is in love with Katherine before giving the supposed thumbs-up, but you just know it's completely forced. Her initial reaction is the most telling and the writers just couldn't resist loading it with evident disappointment. For God's sake, they can't even give her an attempt at a sincere line of dialogue! "Oh, do we have your blessing Susan?" "Yes, sure, why not?" That's it? Please! Susan Myer, you are hereby presented with the award for Most Insincere Congratulations EVER. And yeah, that's the point but why does it have to be this way? Why couldn't Myer just be over Mike, for crying out loud? Why do we need to walk down this battered and beaten path for the umpteenth time? And as if Susan's lovesick heart wasn't bad enough, Katherine's character is turned into a sorry, whimpering mess when she utters the line "I can make him happy Susan. He just needs to get over you." Please, how pathetic! And then Mike even apologises! To Susan! God!
Thankfully, there are shafts of light in the remaining storylines. While Bree's criminal activity still leaves a bit of a sour taste in the mouth, her exchanges with Karl remain a definite comedy highlight as Richard Burgi proves to be the perfect adolescent foil for Marcia Cross's pristine, self-contained character. It's good to see the cogs turning on the story too as Orson finally obtains the upper hand; the two scenes in which the husband and wife are together are both excellently realised, with some fine, fine acting and sparkling dialogue. Orson's "oh sure we'll have our challenges - your penchant for emasulation, my kleptomania - but every marriage has
its ebs and flows" is a strong candidate for best line of the year. Lynette and Tom's storyline actually manages to be somewhat interesting, as the repetitive nature of their 'problems' is finally offset by the inclusion of another character. Granted, Porter's actual involvement turns out to be fairly minimal, but at least it's refreshing to see him, and it leads to a fairly logical development for Tom's character. Pleasingly, the writers don't have him ace the test despite his inebriated state, or find some other way around the problem so that he is able to pursue his dream (or at least not in this episode anyway) but instead, they give Lynette a well-deserved proverbial kick to the stomach. Still, the notion that Tom was given the wrong date for the admissions test, and that it is, like, within a couple of days of his visit, is a bit of an eye-roller. And finally, there's Gaby's story which, once again, is bogged down in the character's irritating selfishness (she is actually teaching her daughter to be mean in her first scene!), but at least something interesting appears to have come from it, something that will actually have an impact on the ongoing narrative instead of simply reinforcing personality traits that we've all become far too accustomed to.
This is something of a difficult episode to rate. While, on the one hand, there are a number of eminently enjoyable elements to the hour, largely centred on narrative developments that push the housewives' respective stories forward in interesting, and not always predictable ways, there are still a great number of frustratingly ill-conceived tropes that cause the eyes to roll. Sure, we've got some excellent individual scenes, providing the cast with an opportunity to demonstrate their considerable acting chops, but they don't always manage to offset the bitter taste provided by problematic elements such as 'the ballad of Mike and Susan' or Dave's ridiculous tape recording. Heading into the finale, there is much promise but sadly, there is much to dread too, as the narrative trajectory seems to be heading in some very, very lamentable directions. Still, the writing staff have another forty five minutes to pull their fingers out of their asses and surprise us all. Let's hope they rise to the challenge.