Desperate Housewives

Father Crowley: You're pregnant? Gabrielle: Yes and it's impossible. I'm on the pill which I know you probably think is a sin but it's a 99.9 per cent effective sin. Father Crowley: Maybe it's in the 1 per cent that God resides. Gabrielle: You just couldn't wait to throw that in, could you?

Paul (to Zach): I think you're a wonderful kid, I do but...you're not that special Zach, not really.

Edie: When I feel threatened by a woman, I pull her in, I make her my best friend. Lynette: I thought you said you didn't have any female friends. Edie: I don't. And I've never felt threatened by a woman either. But the point is, keep your friends close... Lynette: ...Keep your enemies closer.

Father Crowley: Gabrielle, what brings you down here? (she looks concerned) Oh, sweet mother of God what have you done this time?

Annabel: Yes, Tom and I were in love, but he married you. I'm not looking to break up a happy couple... anyway, that's certainly more your speed, isn't it? Lynette: Watch your step. Tom and I are a team. Our marriage is rock solid. Nothing you ever do will ever break that up. Annabel: Then why are you down here right now warning me?

Martha (about Mary Alice): Are you saying she stole the baby? Felicia: Don't look shocked, Martha. It makes your face look fat. The biological mother was a drug addict. If Angela is your neighbor, which I doubt, then that child was very lucky.

Mary Alice: (narrating) If there was one person Lynette never expected to see again, it was Annabel Foster. Eight years earlier Annabel had begged Tom to marry her but he told her he wasn't the marrying kind.(shot of an opening elevator showing Tom and Annabel kissing) then one day, Tom happened to meet a rising young executive by the name of Lynette Lindquist.(shot of an opening elevator showing the intimate Tom and Annabel, then Lynette walks in, and Annabel leaves, Lynette and Tom exchange a look) and after a few torrid weeks Tom decided he was the marrying kind… after all. (shot of an opening elevator showing Tom and Lynette kissing) causing an embittered Annabel to move back to Chicago… permanently. (shot of an opening elevator gets in it Annabel holding an opened box with her things and a rose in the middle) or so Lynette had hoped. (facing with Annabel in Tom's office).

Gabrielle: (to father Crowley) I'd be an awful mother, I'm selfish and I'm self-centered, and only person more self-centered than me is Carlos, I mean, he's so self-centered that he doesn't even know how self-centered I am.

Mary Alice: Since she was a little girl, Susan Mayer wanted to be a mother in the worst way. And from the first day she brought Julie home from the hospital, she was.

Zach: Ms. Mayer, I am so sorry. It's just, one pebble wasn't working, so I tried a whole handful. Susan: Ow, ow. Zach: Look, I'll make it up to you. Susan: Oh, how? Are you gonna give me your corneas? Julie: Mom, lay back. Zach: I just wanted to talk to Julie. She hasn't been returning my phone calls. Julie: Well, I'm here now. What do you want? Zach: Come on, Julie. I just want to see you again. You know, talk, hang out. Julie: Maybe it would be better if we just cooled it for a while, okay? Zach: Why? Susan: Well, you just threw rocks in her mother's face. How's that for a start?

Rex: A whole evening of bonsai trees? Wouldn't it just be easier to shoot me? George: Probably.

Gabrielle: Carlos, you son of a bitch! I am pregnant and it's all your fault! (she slaps him)

Mary Alice: Spring comes every year to Wisteria Lane, but not everyone remembers to stop and smell the flowers. Some are too busy worrying about the future (shot of Tom kissing Lynette as he leaves for work, and Lynette has a worried expression on her face as he leaves), or mistakes they've made in the past (shot of Gabrielle worriedly rubbing her stomach). Others are preoccupied with not getting caught (shot of Bree sneaking off to meet George), or thinking of ways to catch someone else (shot of Susan and Paul staring down at each other across the street). Still, there will always be a few who remember to take a moment and appreciate what spring has given them (shot of Felicia gardening). Just as there will always be those who prefer to sit in the dark, brooding over everything they've lost (shot of Zach looking at a photo montage of Julie).

Bree: Honey, do your hands still tremble when they touch me? Rex: (laughs) No. But come on, we've been married eighteen years. Bree: Yes we have. And you still don't know when I need you to lie.

Bree: Rex! I think you owe George a little something... (Rex pauses) Rex: Okay, you're right. (Rex pushes George, who grabs Bree before they both topple into the fountain) Bree: Rex, have you lost your mind?! Rex: To be fair, I only pushed him.