Hanging On
Written by Joe Keenan And Kevin Murphy
Directed by David Grossman
9.0
"Superb"
Ilene (to Edie): “You’re gonna end up alone and dead like me”.
Yeah, it’s one of those lines that really comes back to bite a certain recipient in the ass but it’s also rather funny because while 80% of the housewives aren’t alone for the foreseeable future, one of them is having more than a bleak time and that’s Edie.
For the past seven episodes, Edie has worked every trick in the book to get Carlos to view her as more than a sex object and her only success so far has now resulted in her having to pretend that she wants to have a child with him so that he might eventually fall in love with her.
Of course that plot was always destined for failure because when a guy is positioning you for fertility purposes rather than foreplay and doesn’t spend much time taking an interest in your own personal comfort, it’s safe to say that you’re living in a dream world and for Edie; her wake up call is more than hellish.
Hey even her dead mother is having fun at her expense during a dream sequence as Edie tells her to shut up and her wise enough mum is quick to point out that tricking men isn’t a smart tactic.
There’s a delightful piece of casting with K Callan taking on the role of Ilene and using her limited time onscreen to great effect. We know that Edie and her mum had difficulties but it turns out that mother really does know best after all.
Naturally then Edie’s pretty flawed plan of faking an interest in conceiving would then crash and burn as while she went to Gabby and Victor’s wedding, Carlos paid the snotty paper boy with cash from Edie’s purse whilst finding her birth control pills.
If you’re gonna lie about wanting to get pregnant, then it’s best to probably hide your birth control pills in a place where the man you’re deceiving isn’t very likely to find them and obviously that place is not in your purse. Here I was thinking that Edie was a lot smarter than that.
Predictably enough Carlos doesn’t even give Edie a chance to properly explain herself and more or less causes a brief commotion at Gabby’s wedding by dumping her in public. Most people were probably jumping for joy with Edie given her marching orders but the way she deals with this rejection is quite shocking.
The last time someone rejected Edie, she took a great comfort in burning her love rival’s house whereas this time her method of losing another man is end the episode by trying to hang herself and we’ll have to wait until the first episode of Season Four to find out whether or not Edie was successful.
The chances of her failing in her attempt to end could be due to the fact that Nicolette Sheridan is contracted along with the rest of the ladies until 2011 and as a viewer, I’d like to see Edie live and eventually snare a man who isn’t cast off from the other wives and who genuinely wants. Is that wrong of me?
As for Carlos, his method of Karma biting him in the ass (remember he did the opposite to Gabby in Season One of what Edie did to him) is just to get drunk, moan and snog the face of a just married Gabby and while Eva and Ricardo usually have great chemistry that kiss between them was pretty lacklustre to put it mildly, even if it was Gabby who initiated it.
So why after just pledging “I do” to Victor would Gabby want to smooch with the man she’s spent the best part of a year trying to ruin and shake off at the same time? Simple, once again despite hooking onto a rich bloke with prospects, she overlooked one major flaw – Victor is now a complete and utter jerk!
The arrival of Victor’s father sees the newly elected Mayor’s ambitions go from the local politics to state political as Milton’s influence over his son is stronger than Gabby’s and when Milton managed to make allowances for his son’s aggressive opposition of Gabby trying to stop his political, the girl in some ways almost got tricked into marrying him.
Some things you really don’t want to hear is your newfound husband discussing how it was smart to marry a Latina girl due to how vote wise it would benefit him, not do you want to hear him even think about trying to control you in anyway. Statements like this makes Victor into an even bigger dick than Tom in this episode.
More importantly instead of ripping Victor a new one over his private remarks about her, the usually bolshy Gabby just handles it by smooching with Carlos and as I’ve mentioned up ahead, it’s pretty passionless too. Gabby rarely has moments where her anger or confrontational manner is justified so when it is, why doesn’t she take it and let Victor know that she take his crap?
However just because I’m starting to dislike Victor, do not think for one second I am getting on the “should Gabby and Carlos get together” train because while Eva and Ricardo have chemistry, Marc Cherry needs to give us even more reasons as to why they should be together again. Post divorce Carlos has grown up whereas Gabby has definitely not and we’ve not nearly had enough signs that Gabby actually loves Carlos when you think about it.
Another person who needs to grow up a bit more is Tom because if any character has devolved in this season, it’s been him and despite one moment where he gives up his tennis membership to help Lynette pay for chemotherapy, he’s still as immature about certain things than ever.
The main reasons why Tom deserves a bollocking this week is because he went behind Lynette’s back and borrowed money from her mother and then had the audacity to demand that Lynette forgive her mother as a punishment for the whole Rick debacle as well. Even an avid Tom defender has got to have a problem with that. You don’t forgive someone who you have deep seated emotional problems with just because your husband is stupid to go behind your back and gets money from them.
Tom being an insensitive prick towards Lynette is one thing but the arrival of her mother Stella is quite the other as the issues surrounding her and Lynette are more or less out in the open quickly and to make sure the tension between them is kept going, Kayla mentions the effect Rick had on Lynette.
If you were trying to make amends with your daughter then using Rick wouldn’t be a good way of going about it. Stella uses Lynette’s crush on the crush as a means of justifying her own rotten behaviour to Lynette as a child and even as a means of taking away some moral high ground from her daughter. You can’t exactly blame Lynette for hating her mother and a lot of what Stella says is excuses rather than apologies or explanations.
Lynette having a crush on someone outside of her husband doesn’t make her a bad person, especially how much she wanted to act on it and had the will power not to. Telling Stella who had breast cancer while Lynette was a teen that she deserved is a bit vindictive but given what we’ve learned about Stella, it’s still easy to see why Lynette has contempt for the woman. With great performances between Polly Bergin and Felicity Huffman, the Scavo plot is riveting.
Meanwhile with Gabrielle more or less marrying the wrong man, Susan manages to find that being with the right one still has it’s pressure points as delaying her wedding has given her fresh ideas to show the neighbours that she can have something ever bit as lavish as Gabby can.
O course it’s Mike feeling the financial as determined to not disappoint Susan he takes it on himself to start working very late into the night to make more and more money for the big day and being struck by guilt, Susan gets a great idea during Gabby’s wedding to stop Mike from working himself to death.
Using Julie to pretend to be a customer to lure him out into the woods would’ve had a far more grisly fate in another TV series but here Mike is soon given a suit to wear and that minister from Gabby’s wedding is more than happy to marry him and a rather stunning Susan with Julie as a witness and even if you’re not a shipper, at least their wedding is cute and romantic without being too mawkish.
Now that Susan and Mike are finally together and married, the biggest thing is how the writers can find other storylines for them that don’t overtly concentrate on their marriage all the time. Nor do I want to sit through them briefly separating and no pregnancies just yet. Elsewhere with marriages and lives hanging in the balance, the much anticipated return of Bree almost feels like an afterthought in comparison because while I’m thrilled to see her back, she really did have that much to do except shock the girls who are now under the impression that her and Orson are parents to be while the rest of us know otherwise.
Hands up if you were even remotely surprised that Bree is faking her pregnancy while the really knocked up Danielle gets to moan in a convent until she gives birth and Bree passes off the child as her own? Only if you hadn’t been paying attention to the entire season would this have surprised you but most people accurately guessed that Bree was faking it.
How ridiculous would it have been for Bree to have become pregnant when Marcia Cross’ real life pregnancy forced her to take a reduced role this season? Bree’s attempts of getting Julie off her scent by sending her an email in Danielle’s name are funny enough and it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that Orson is supporting Bree’s crazy ass plan too. Also, other than that welcome back you dysfunctional band of loveable freaks.
Also in “Getting Married Today”
Housewife of the week: Gabrielle getting impatient with Susan and Lynette over Bree being late. Suffice to say when Bree returns, it’s never empty handed.
Gabrielle (to Susan/Lynette): “She better not have come empty handed”
Bree: “Oh I didn’t”
Gabrielle: “Holy crap”.
I’ve just noticed thanks to this episode; nearly all girls are wives again, until Gabby divorces Victor or becomes a widow.
Carlos: “Well I don’t want to make a scene. You’ll vow ‘Til death do us part’, I’ll bust out laughing, people will stare”
Gabrielle: “Reception starts at four”.
Mike (to Susan): “You in a wedding dress with birds circling over your head? Again not liking those odds”.
Dress wise, am I the only one who thought that Susan looked a lot better than Gabrielle? She went for something more simple and it worked to her favour.
Victor (to Milton): “She’s way out of your league”
Gabrielle: “Honey, he’s a multi-millionaire, he runs my league”.
Carlos: “You’re not a spring chicken anymore and those eggs are not farm fresh”
Edie: “Stop comparing me to poultry”.
There didn’t seem to be that many Nissan endorsements with this episode than in previous ones.
Kayla: “If I tell you, can I watch a really good grown up movie?”
Stella: “Only if it’s a good grown up story”.
Isn’t it a bit weird that no-one parental from Susan and Gabby’s family were at their weddings?
Lynette: “Stop comparing us, I never did what you did”
Stella: “Yeah you just wanted to”.
Orson: “It’s almost time for the six month size”
Bree: “Don’t remind me”.
Nothing in regards to next season’s mystery popped up in this finale, which really was odd.
Reverend (to Susan/Mike): “Are you ready?”
Julie: “Are you kidding? They’ve been dragging this out for three years”.
Chronology: About a week since “What Would We Do Without You”.
Wow when it comes to finales this show has finally outdone itself. Despite one or two niggles , “Getting Married Today” is a stunning way of ending a season that really has been quite busy at every turn and with so many exciting plots left dangling, next season is a must see.