-
Susan: Ian, I made my choice.
Ian: But not for the right reasons. You're just trying to honor a promise you made to me.
Susan: I will get over him.
Ian: You've been trying to get over him for as long as I've known you. Haven't had much luck, have you?
Susan: Ian, I love you.
Ian: I know you do, but you love him a little bit more, don't you?
-
Gabrielle: What are you two doing here?
Susan: Uh, what are we doing here?
Lynette: Well, Edie hired me to cater, so it's just business. I don't know what her excuse is.
Susan: You are so dead.
-
Carlos: (to Gabrielle) So, if I'm just dating, and you're in love and getting married, remind me again why it is that you get to be the angry one?
-
Julie: There are only two guys in this world who know all your flaws and have still found a way to love you. You're just gonna toss them both away?
Susan: Yes. I don't need a man. I don't even need sex. I went without it the first sixteen years… (Julie gives her a look)…twenty-two years of my life, and I can go a few more.
-
Edie: (about Gabrielle) Well, if she wants to play these schoolgirl games, fine, 'cause I invented 'em!
-
Gabrielle: (about Edie dating Carlos) It's awkward, it's, it's like if I donated a dress to charity, and I went to a party and you showed up wearing it.
Edie: Again, if you gave it away in the first place then what the hell are you bitching about?!
-
Gabrielle: Good friends share more than just gossip and brunch, they share enemies too!
-
Therapist: To let one guy go, well, that's life. It happens. To let them both go, that's just stupid.
Susan: Stupid?
Therapist: Yes, that would be the clinical term.
-
Roger: It's my car! She tripped me and grabbed my keys.
Police officer: Is this true, ma'am?
Susan: Oh, alright, take his side!
-
Gabrielle: Good friends share enemies too, so are you with me or not?
Susan: Ehm, of course we're with you.
Lynette: We will give Edie the cold shoulder.
Gabrielle: No, no! Not cold! Frozen! I want icicles hanging from that bitch's ears.
-
Edie: (to Gabrielle) You are as tall as my legs. What are you gonna do?
-
Mike: (on Susan's answering machine) Hey Susan... um... I don't mean to bug you, but there's just so much I didn't get to say... um... I ju--... God, I'm lousy at goodbyes. Anyway, you will always be the best thing that ever happened to me and, well I hope you find the happiness you deserve. Bye. Oh, this is Mike.
-
Susan: Lynette, what are you doing here?
Lynette: Edie asked me to cater. I know, I'm a total whore, but please don't rat me out to Gaby.
Edie: (just as Susan is about to say something) Hi Susan! I have 30 copies of your book. The kids can't wait for you to sign it. Come on, let's go. Come on. Come on.
Lynette: (looks at Susan and smiles) Looks like we're working the same corner.
-
Gabrielle: So here's what's gonna happen. We're not talking to Edie anymore.
Lynette: What do you mean we?
Gabrielle: I mean we as in she betrayed me and you're my best friends so you're gonna support me because that's what friends do.
Susan: And support you, means acting like we're in junior high?
-
Lynette: Well, it turns out our new babysitter is working out too well, feel up to another tour of duty?
Mrs. McCluskey: Are you sure you want the Wisteria Witch looking after your kids?
Lynette: My kids know you're not a witch
Mrs. McCluskey: Too bad I could use the leverage
-
Julie: (to Susan, who's hiding behind the door) You want something bitchier, then do it yourself.
