Desperate Housewives

Bree is reading a Holy Book.

"There is a widely read book that tells us everyone is a sinner. Of course, not everyone who reads this book feels guilt over the bad things they do, but Bree Van de Kamp did. In fact, Bree had spent most of her life feeling guilty. As a child she felt guilty about not getting straight A's (we see little Bree giving her marks to someone and she has a sad expression on her face), as a teenager she felt guilty about letting her boyfriend go to the second base (she is kissing with some boy on the sofa) as a newlywed she felt guilty about taking three weeks to get out her thank you card (she is writing something and there are presents all around her). But she knew the transgressions of her past were nothing compared with the sin she was about to commit. "

Van De Kamps are all together discussing the tragedy. Danielle suggests going to the police but Rex tells her that Andrew was DUI and he left the scene of the crime and that makes it hit and run. Andrew suggests going to Canada until statute limitation is up and Rex tells him that there won't be limitation if Carlos' mother dies and Danielle points out that it was a murder in that case. Andrew yells that it was an accident. Bree tells them that they have to get rid of the car but they can't sell it. Police might find it and there could be DNA. Bree suggests taking the car to the bad part of town and they will leave the keys in the ignition and the doors unlocked if the police don't find it they will get the insurance money and if they do it wasn't in their possession and anyone could have hit Mrs. Solis. Andrew tells her that it is a good idea and when Rex asks her if she is sure Bree tells him that Andrew can spent the rest of his life in jail and she won't allow it.

"Bree knew what she was about to do was wrong but like most sinners she would worry about her guilt tomorrow (she puts the Holy Book in the drawer)."

Bree prepares breakfast.



"Not since my own suicide had violence intruded upon the serenity of life on Wisteria Lane, in such a conspicuous fashion. (Lynette is cleaning the street, there are break signs everywhere and the piece of glasses and it is horrible to look upon) Needless to say my friends attacked the problem head-on. Lynette brought the broom, Susan brought the trash bags and Bree brought the industrial strength solvent. "

Lynette points out that it is strong and Bree tells her that it has to be because she doesn't want Gabrielle and Carlos to come home and be reminded of what happened in front of their house. Lynette asks if anyone went to see what is going on and Susan tells them that she and Julie went and Juanita has been in a coma since she left the ER and nobody knows when and if she will ever wake up from it. Susan tells them that she would like of her to wake up soon because then she can tell them who was driving the car. A car passes by and Lynette throws the brush and it hits the car and she screams at him to slow down because it is a residential street. Lynette is pissed off because she was up all night reading statistics online and 1 out 4 traffic accident happens on residential street and then she says that she hopes whoever hit Juanita gets put away for life. Bree tells her that it is extreme and Lynette tells her that innocent woman was hit by a car and the driver takes off and she doesn't think it is extreme.



Gabrielle and Carlos are in the hospital in Juanita's room. Gabrielle tells him to go home because Tanaka called and said it was urgent and he needs to rest. Carlos tells her that he needs to be by her side when she wakes up and he is afraid if she will die because many people slip into a coma and never wake up. John enters the room and he has a rose with him. Carlos gives him the hug and tells him that it means a lot to him that he came. Carlos tells them that he will go down to chapel and prey and John asks him if he can go. Carlos tells him that she will need all the prayers while Gabrielle decides to stay and she is clearly pissed off over what John did. Nurse enters and tells her that it is time for sponge bath and Gabrielle is confused (while polishing her nails) and nurse explains to her that people prefer to do it themselves and Gabrielle tells her that she will pass.



Martha's stuff is packed and she is preparing to leave but Edie enters the house and asks her where her purse is. She goes to get it and takes the wallet out. Martha asks her what she is doing and Edie tells her that she is taking back 40$ that she stole from her purse. Martha tells her that she didn't steal anything and if she is missing money she should ask one of those strange men that parade through here all the time. Edie tells her that she is having a healthy sex life and Martha tells her that she will have to burn every sheet she touched. Edie tells her that she wants her money and Martha tells her that she wants those non fat peach yogurts because they didn't walk out of the fridge themselves. Edie tells her that she can deduct it from 40$ that she will give her now. Martha tells her that she is her best friend and she has no reason for stealing. Edie tells her that she heard her over the phone bitching to her bank and it is clear that she has financial problems. Martha tells her that she can tolerate her debauchery and food theft but she will not tolerate spying and she wants her out of the house by the time she is back from her sister. Edie tells her that she will leave today and she leaves the house. When she is gone Martha takes out 40$ from her bra and puts it in her purse.



Lynette is in the needle therapy and she is hoping that it will work because her sleeping cycle is out of whack because she is up all night and then tired all day. Her therapists tells her that it will work and she should be feeling relaxed right now. The boys are in front of the therapy room but they are all out of control and Lynette tells them to be quiet. Therapist tells her that she should not be moving and starts telling her to imagine that she is in a peaceful forest but then Parker enters the room dragging a plant and Lynette tells him to put it back where it was and to be quiet. She lies down again and therapist continues to talk but the boys are too loud and she exits the room and tells them to be quiet and then tells the therapist the truth. She tells her that she screwed her entire system by taking her kids' ADD medication and she need to sleep and she needs something hard to put her to sleep. Therapist tells her that she is not licensed to write prescriptions and Lynette tells her that she knows she is not. Therapist gives her the strong herbal remedy and asks Lynette to promise her that she will use it judiciously. Lynette tells her that she will.



Susan goes over to Mike's place. He is all dirty because he was changing leaky pipes in the upstairs bathroom. Susan tells her that Julie told her that he was stopping by before. Mike tells her that he plans to go to Germani Vineyard tomorrow for wine tasting and Susan asks him when does he want her to be ready and he tells her by six and afterwards they can go to romantic dinner. Susan tells him that it is two hour long drive up there and it will be late to be driving back home. Mike tells her that they can take a room as a hotel room. Susan tells him that they should make the reservation just in case and Mike tells her that he found hotels online and he goes upstairs to get the printout. Susan calls Bongo and asks him if he is hungry and asks Mike where he keeps the dog biscuits and he didn't hear and she goes to find it herself. She opens the top drawer and finds the gun and a lot of money. As Mike returns she puts all back in place. He gives her the print and his phone rings and it is his tile guy Phil. Mike tells him that tomorrow morning he is making a lumber run and tomorrow night he is also busy. Susan tells him that she can let him in as she will be around all day. He tells Phil that he will give the keys to his neighbor and she will let him in.



"Like every city Fairview had a neighborhood that was less then desirable. It was an accepted fact anyone who lingered there after midnight was usually up to no good. (Bree parks the car on the street, takes the roof of, and walks to the other car where Rex waited her) Rex and Bree Van De Kamp where no exception."

Rex asks her if this will work and Bree tells him that this is the poorest neighborhood in town and someone will steal the car.



Paul is watching video which he took with on Mary Alice's last year birthday. He asks Mr. Shaw how he is going to do it. (He gave him 10 000$ already) He tells her that he made contact with her at a bar and she thinks that he is a real estate developer. Paul asks him if she is going to suffer and he tells her that Edie Britt will be gone and he will be troubled no more. Paul wants of him to ask her why she sent the note and Mr. Shaw tells him that he can't give in to his curiosity because it leads to guilt and guilt leads to talking. Mr. Shaw tells him that after he walks with the money there is no returning it back and asks him one last time if he is really sure about this and Paul tells him that he is absolutely sure.



Bree and Rex are in the car watching if the convertible would be stolen. Rex points out that she has been awfully quiet and she tells him that she is thinking about the kids and how they grew up so fast and how they didn't turn out the way they wanted them too. She tells him that they could have been better parents. She wants to give Andrew the sense of what he did and Rex doesn't know how to punish a child who ran over a woman. Bree tells him that no matter how they turn she still loves them and she will never forgive them for growing up so quickly. Rex tells her to look and one guy goes into the convertible and drives away.



Susan tells Julie about the cash and Julie tells her that there is no way for her to freak out and Susan tells her that she had known Mike for few weeks and he could be hit man for mob. Julie asks her then why is she going out with him (she is packing a lot of staff) and Susan tells her that she never gets out of the house. Julie tells her that she should freak out because she will spend the night with Mike and no man has seen her naked in a while except her doctor…who retired afterwards but Susan doesn't take it personally. Julie points out that she looks old in the clothes she chose and Susan changes and tells her that Mike is hiding something and when Julie asks her what she doesn't know. They hear the car in front of the house and it is Karl who came to pick up Julie and she tells Susan that she needs the weekend to go well because she will have a husband of her own someday and she doesn't want Susan living with them.



Van De Kamps visit Gabrielle and Carlos and Rex asks if they found anyone suspicious and the police will be able to make a model of a car but since there were no eyewitnesses it has a little hope. Bree asks how is Juanita doing and she is still in a coma. Carlos points out that in time like these children must really help. Rex tells him bitterly that they are blessing. Danielle tells them that they put their prayers for Juanita. Carlos tells them that the kids are future and legacy and once they are all gone they will be there to carry on. Carlos tells them that he and Gabrielle are about to start the family. Gabrielle is in shock and Bree asks her when did she decide that and Gabrielle tells her that it is very recent development and tells Carlos that they will talk about it later. Carlos tells her that they are shallow people and life can't be just buying stuff. Carlos tells her that he wants a child and Gabrielle refreshes his memory because before they got married they made a deal no kids and he wants to renegotiate. Gabrielle tells him that they are not negotiating her uterus. Van de Kamp decide to go and Bree once outside the house points out that Carlos is devastated but Andrew tells them that he doesn't care because he is off the hook. Bree is in shock about his behavior.



"A weary Lynette drank her potent tea in hopes of finally finding the sleep that had eluded her. (She made the tea and drank it) Unfortunately for Lynette there would be no rest for the weary (She goes to sleep on the sofa and door bell rings)."

She opens the door and the lady bursts in and apologizes for being late and a lot of children come in with her and Lynette figures out that it is a scout meeting.

Lynette is so sleepy but she demonstrates the knot and she can't make it and when one of the twins points out that it doesn't look like the picture Lynette tells him that he will never be sailor and why does he care. She goes to bathroom and takes two ADD medications.



Susan let the tile guy in and he already finished the job. She gives him a signature and he is gone. She opens the drawer and takes the money and the gun. She puts it on the table and starts counting it but the tile guy returns. She puts the money in her shirt and then goes upstairs. The tile guy wants to give her a receipt. She goes to the bathroom and puts all of the money and the gun in the wash stand. She looks through the window and the guy is gone. She had to stand on the toilet to see through the window and she jumps from it but the floor cracks and she falls through it and she is stuck now. Her legs are on the lower level while the upper half of the body is stuck in the bathroom.

Susan calls for help and Bongo comes in the house. She tells him that he can go if he came here to judge her. She throws the towel and she is holds the one end and she tells Bongo to grab and pull the other end put he starts drinking water from the toilet.



"While Susan remained hopelessly stuck Gabrielle was moving to confront the issue of her young lover's restless conscience." (John is tending someone else's lawn and Gabrielle knocks on the door and John tells her that there is no one home) Although she would need to be discreet."

Gabrielle came to talk to him and tells him to work. She wants to know what he was thinking showing up at the hospital. He tells her that they are finished and he is sticking up with Danielle. He tells her that he hates himself for what happened and Gabrielle tells him that they weren't driving the car and he tells her if they hadn't had an affair she wouldn't be there at the first place. Gabrielle tells him that he didn't do anything wrong. John tells her that that is not what father Crowley thinks. Gabrielle is in shock because he went to confession and he confessed…everything. She goes away furious.



Susan is stuck there and Bongo is just looking at her. She tells him that Lassie would have had a fire truck brought here by now. He runs away and Susan is hoping for help but he just brings the dead bird and puts it in front of Susan.



Bree and Andrew are in the kitchen and she tells him that she knows that the past few days have been very stressful and if he has a need to talk to somebody…and he tells her that he knows that Rex and Bree are together because of him. Bree means for him to talk to the professional and Andrew tells her that he won't talk to the shrink because he is not crazy. Bree tells him that she knows he is not but it would be normal if he feels depressed or confused or ashamed. Andrew tells her that he is cool and he is not feeling anything. Bree is in shock about it and she wants to know how he exactly feels. He tells her that he feels bad for what happened but he feels even worse because his car got stolen and because the old lady didn't have enough sense to look both ways before she crossed the street and now he will have to ride the bike to school. Bree tells him that he almost killed another human being. Andrew tells her that she lived her life and he has life to live. Bree tells him that it seems like he doesn't have a soul and she doesn't have any reason for not calling the police. Andrew tells her that he is her son and that would make her a monster.



Mike is back home and sees Susan's legs and goes upstairs to help her. He wants to know what happened and she tells him that the bird blew into the window and she was trying to save it but Mike doesn't trust her and help her stand up anyway and then sees the money. He tells her to leave and she goes away.



Mr. Shaw is waiting for Edie. He opens his trunk and there are shovels and he takes the gun. Edie comes and she tells him that this is pretty as a picture and he tells her that he wants to put a condo and she asks him if he wants to make money or he wants to pussyfoot around. He wants to know what she thinks and she tells him that she is thinking about strip mall. She wrote something down and gives him the paper and he points out that the stationary is nice and she tells him that it is stolen. He looks at her in shock and confusion and asks her what she means and she tells him that after her house burned down she was living with neighbor Martha Huber and they would both steal stuff from each other. Mr. Shaw then points out that the stationary is Martha's and Edie tells him that it is.



Parker turned on the radio to the max and he is shuffling the stations while the twins are playing loudly with dishes. Lynette is on the phone with Tom whose meeting got postponed and she needs him home as soon as he can. She tells the boys to be quiet but they are not listening to her and then…she has a full nervous breakdown. In slow motion we see her crashing the dishes and throwing things through the window and then she sees Mary Alice through the window and she approaches her and gives her the gun. Lynette uses it and when she shots herself she wakes up and the boys are still playing and everything is normal.



Susan stops by Mike house and tells him that she is sorry and she will pay for the damage and he tells her not to worry and she asks him if the date is off and he tells her that she went through his stuff and snooped around and that is pretty much a deal breaker. She tells him that she found a gun and money by accident and asks him if he is a drug dealer and he just smiles. She tells him that he has this part of his life that he keeps completely walled off and he tells her that he doesn't have an obligation to share every single detail of his life with her and tells her that he has gun for protection and cash for emergencies. Susan tells him that little details are one thing and creepy secrets are other and he tells her that he doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't trust him and she tells him that maybe they shouldn't be dating and he tells her that maybe they shouldn't and he means it seriously. Susan tells him that she hopes that his little secrets will keep him warm at night because he is throwing something really great.

She goes home and Lynette approaches her and tells her that she needs to baby sit her children but Susan tells her that it is not a good time right now but Lynette just gives her Penny and tells her that she can't do it anymore and that it is too much and she just goes to the car and takes off.



Lynette is alone on some football court and she is playing with an empty ADD medication bottle. Susan and Bree finds her and they left the kids with Danielle. They approach Lynette and ask her what is wrong but she remains silent.



Father Crowley comes to the hospital to visit Juanita and Gabrielle is there with her. She tells him that she was wondering something and she wants to know about the thing priest hears at confessions and they never ever can talk about it. She wants to know if it is a hard rule or a general guide line. He tells her that everyone's secrets are safe and he will keep hers and she tells him that confessions are really not her thing. She tells him that he can stop condemning her with his eyes. She tells him that she knows that he knows about the affair but she and John are over. He tells her that if she commits a mortal sin and dies without repenting she will go to hell. He tells her that she needs to be truly sorry and god will forgive her and she can't commit the sin anymore. She wants to know what will happen if she repents later like when she is 75. He tells her that if she really means it then yes. She tells him that he can do her thing and starts going away but he tells her that they are all responsible for choices they make and asks her if she wants to be a good person. She tells him that she wants to be happy and he tells her that that is selfish. She tells him that she knows and goes away.



Lynette is speaking with Susan and Bree and tells them about taking the pills and stuff. She tells them that they gave her energy and she couldn't sleep at night and she felt so tired during the daytime and tells them that she loves her kids so much and she is so sorry that they have her as a mother. Bree tells her that she is a great mother and Lynette tells her that she is not and that she can't do it and she is so tired of feeling like a failure and it is humiliating and Susan tells her that it is not and Bree points out that she has four kids and she needs help. Lynette tells her that that is humiliating because other moms don't need help and they make it look so easy and she is just complaining. Susan tells her that when Julie was little she was out of her mind every day and Bree tells her that when Danielle and Andrew where little she used their nap time to cry. Lynette tells them that they should have told her this before and then starts crying. Bree tells her that nobody wants to admit that they can't handle the pressure and Susan tells that it is easier to keep things in and Lynette tells them that they should tell each other the stuff because it really helps.



Paul and Mr. Shaw are together and they know that it was Martha Huber all along and Edie moved in with Martha after Mary Alice received the blackmail note. Paul is in shock that they almost killed an innocent lady and Mr. Shaw tells him that he doesn't do refunds but he will pay Martha a visit. Paul tells him that Mary Alice's wouldn't have wanted this, she would have wanted answers.

Martha Huber is back from grocery shopping and Paul gives her a helping hand and they go inside her house.



Susan is home alone and she is drinking wine. She looks through the window and sees that Mike is looking at her too. He sits down and looks at the files and photos he collected while researching Wisteria Lane and looks at Susan's picture.

Paul is at Martha's house and points out that there are too many ants and she admits that she has been having an infestation problem. He tells her that he had problems with flies once and Mary Alice bought the poison gas but she couldn't use it on fly because it felt too personal. That is how gentle she was she couldn't even hurt an insect. She tells him that she will have to say goodnight to him now and turns away but he puts the note on the table and she sees it. She asks him what is he doing here and he wants to know why.

Susan is drinking wine but she can't stop thinking about Mike. Someone knocks at her door and it is Mike. He tells her that he knows that she has a lot of questions but he also knows that he doesn't want to lose her so she can ask him anything and she pulls him inside and they start kissing.

Martha tells Paul that her husband died and left her with a worthless pension and she was desperate for money and it was better to take it from a bad person then a good one and she didn't know that she would kill herself. Paul tells her that Mary Alice was a good person. Martha tells her that she left the child motherless and tells him to read the bible because suicide is a big no. Paul asks her if she is feeling any guilt and she tells him that she didn't kill herself because of the note she killed herself because of what she did to the poor baby. She tells him that she is praying for Mary Alice because she is in need of all of their prayers. Paul takes the blender that Martha borrowed from Mary Alice long time ago and hits her in the head. Martha falls down.

Susan and Mike are kissing passionately. Paul starts strangling Martha and she tries to release herself but she is unable to. Susan and Mike are now going to the bed together. Paul strangled Martha and he puts the carpet that she is laying on around her body. Susan and Mike just finished having sex.



"There is a widely read book that tells us everyone is a sinner (Bree is reading the Holy Book) Of course not everyone feels guilt over the bad things they do (Bree looks at Andrew who is playing his game boy) In contrast there are those who assume more then their share of the blame . There are others (Carlos is sponge bathing Juanita) who soothe their consciences with small acts of kindness (Gabrielle takes the sponge bath and starts bathing Juanita) or by telling themselves that their sins were justified (Paul is cleaning the blood). Finally there are the ones who simply vow to do better next time (Lynette is sleeping on a sofa) and pray for forgiveness. (Lynette is having a dream and she is with her children on the football court and she is holding Penny while boys are playing football and Mary Alice is there and Lynette looks at her and they smile at each other) Sometimes their prayers are answered."



Written by vukcevic