Desperate Housewives

Susan: I can't come out my front door every day and see that man. We have to move. Mike: Oh Susan, I know this is difficult. But before you start putting up "For Sale" signs let's just take a step back. Susan: Take a step back from what? He tried to murder you. Mike: I know what Orson did was horrible but I've decided to forgive him. Susan: How can you do that? He put you in a coma. I sat there day after day wondering if you were gonna live. As far as I'm concerned Orson can go to hell. Mike: I've talked to him. Trust me, he's already been there. Susan: Well, that's not enough. He should pay for what he did. He should go to prison. Mike: And what? Leave Bree without a husband? And Benjamin without a dad? You don't want that. Look, I've done some pretty horrible things in my life but you forgave me. Because you knew how much I regretted them. I really believe he's sorry for what he did. So now I have to forgive him. I've just got to. But, I also understand if you can't.

Susan (to Bree): Mike says I need to forgive Orson. And he's right. I have to find a way to make peace with all of this. But you need to understand...it's gonna be one of the hardest things I've ever done. And like most things in my life, I probably won't do it with much elegance or grace. So if I don't come over to your house for coffee; if I don't smile when the two of you walk by, just please know that I still love you. And as for forgiving Orson, just be patient. I'll get there.

Mary Alice: If there was one thing Gabrielle Solis would not tolerate...it was a rival, whether she walked on two legs, or four. So when Gabrielle cracked into her bedroom that morning, she'd made up her mind. The bitch...had to go.

Carlos: I just think it's good for a dog to sleep with its master. It helps us bond. Gabrielle: Well, if you ever wanna bond with my boobs again, you'll get her off!

Gabrielle (to Carlos): Remember what my fingers looked like? Just picture the middle one all by itself!

(Bree is unloading boxes in front of her house. Katherine shows up.) Katherine: How's the move going? Need an extra pair of hands? Bree: No. Thanks. We're almost done. Katherine: Okay. I won't get in your way then. (pause) Let me just run something by you. I got a call today from a couple who loved our work in the Founders Ball. Bree: Oh. How sweet. Katherine: Yes, and they wanna hire us to do their anniversary party. Bree: Hire us? But we're not a business. Katherine: We could be. Think about it. We do the exact same thing we did at the ball, only this time we walk away with a big fat check. Bree: Katherine, need I remind you we nearly came to blows over floral choices. Katherine: I think it's our creative friction that makes us a great team. Bree: I think it's our creative friction that nearly caused me to poison you. Katherine: All right, Bree. Let me be honest with you. With Adam out of the house, I really need the money. Bree: I sympathize. I do. But I have a new baby, and it's really more work than I care to take on right now. Katherine: I understand. Guess I'll just do it myself then. Bree: Excuse me? Katherine: Now, did you take pictures of those table settings you designed? I'd love to get copies. The couple raved about them. Bree: Yeah, sure. (as Katherine walks away) You know, I don't really think it's fair that you should profit from something that I designed. Katherine: You're right. It would only be fair if I asked you to do this with me which I did and you said no, so on we go. I hope you don't mind when they serve your cinnamon apple crumble. Bree: That is a cherished recipe from grandmother! Katherine: Well, now it's a cherished recipe from "Catering by Katherine". Bree: Oh. I see what's going on here. This is shameless emotional blackmail. Katherine: And...? Bree: And...we worked beautifully. I'm in.

Carlos (about Roxy the seeing eye dog): She's not here to help us, she's here to help me, which you would know, if you would bother to show up to the spouses orientation. Gabrielle: Well, I'm sorry. I was on my hands and knees that day scouring the bathroom floor because you refuse to pee like a girl!

Susan: (to Orson) Trying to protect your mother?! I know!! Who cares?!! You drove the car, you ran him over and you left him for dead!! And you know what the worst part of it is?! All this time, you pretended to be our friend!!

Mary Alice: The truth is everyone breaks the rules now and then, never thinking for one second they might get caught. But if they do, they simply ask for forgiveness, and most of the time, they receive it. But some acts are so wicked, they demand only our condemnation. How do people avoid such a fate? Well, the trick is knowing which rules are made to be broken, and which rules are not.

Mike: Ah, it feels good to take a shower in my own house. Whatcha doing? Susan: In honor of you coming home, we are making your favorite meal steak and mashed potatoes. Mike: Ah, it sounds great. But for future reference, my favorite is potatoes Au Gratin. Susan: Since when? Mike: Since always, since I was three. Susan: You could say Au Gratin when you were three? Mike: Oh, oh, it's fine. Susan, mashed is great too. Susan starts crying. Susan: But it's not your favorite. Mike: What are you doing? Susan: Excuse me. I have to put something in a box and stick it in the closet.

Mary Alice: Everyone breaks the rules now and again, and when they do, they always have an excuse. Like the neighbor whose own trash was already full; or the blonde who forgot to eat her breakfast; or the employee who needed an advance on his salary. It's true, everyone has a reason for not following the rules, even the people who are meant to enforce them.

Mary Alice: The thing you have to know about Lynette Scavo is that she had always trusted her husband Tom. Mostly, because she could always tell when he was lying. Sometimes he would ask her to repeat the question; or he would use odd words he had never used before; or his voice would get higher. Clearly, Tom Scavo was at a distinct disavantage when lying to his wife. And on this particular morning, that's exactly what Lynette was counting on. Lynette Scavo had always trusted her husband. She had no idea that trust was about to up in flames.

(Carlos introduces the new dog and the trainer to Gabrielle) Steve: So, any other questions? Gabrielle: No, it's crystal clear, Carlos gets a new best friend and I get to check the sofa for ticks! Yay for Gaby! (leaves) Carlos: Did I exaggerate? Steve: Actually, you were kind.

Susan: Well, before you go, I just wanna say that, ah... (starts crying) having you here for the last few weeks... Bree: Susan, I'm just going across the street. There's no need to act like a silent movie heroine. Susan: (Crying) I know. It's just... I can't stop now, I broke the seal. Bree: Well, as much as I appreciate this naked display of emotion, you know how this sort of thing makes me uncomfortable. Susan: (Keeps crying) I can't help it. My hormones are in overdrive. Didn't you get that way when you were pregnant? Bree: No, never. Susan: Really? Not even when you heard an acoustic guitar? Bree: No, never! Susan: Oh, I just can't control myself like that. Bree: Oh, sure you can. Whenever I feel my emotions getting the best of me, I simply picture an empty box and I take whatever I'm feeling and put that in the box. And then, I picture myself putting the box away in a big, empty closet and closing the door. Then, if I have time, I go back and open the box and deal with the emotion, in private, like a lady. Susan: Thanks, I'm gonna try that. So you don't think I act like a lady? (Starts sobbing again) Bree: Prove me wrong, sweetie, prove me wrong.