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Penny: I'm nine. Is that even legal?
Tom: I think so. But just to be safe, you're now 15. Happy birthday!
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Mary Alice: (closing voiceover) It begins just after sunrise. After a good night's sleep. People leave their homes, to go to work. They do this, so they can provide a better life for their families. So they can afford nice things. And have a reason to get up in the morning. And when their exhausting work is done, people come back home again. And some begin counting the days till their next vacation.
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Susan: We can make brownies at home.
MJ: The box kind? Katherine says those aren't real brownies.
Katherine: Except when your mommy makes them... with love.
Susan: Good save.
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Carlos: Oh, my God. This is illegal. I'm getting a bonus no one else is getting based on blackmail.
Gabrielle: You're welcome.
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Maria: I'm going to buy a golf club.
Gabrielle: A baseball bat would be cheaper.
Maria: See. I don't know anything about golf clubs, but I know Carlos does. So I was hoping you guys could snoop around and find out what kind of driver Brad wants.
Gabrielle: Oh. It's a gift!
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Orson: Huh! Thunder McFadden. What a hoot!
Bree: What's that?
Orson: Oh, it's my porn name. A friend sent me an email. You take the name of your childhood pet and the street you grew up on and, voila. That's the name you'd use if you were a porn star. So I'm Thunder McFadden. My buddy here is Snoop Windermere. Hey, who would you be?
Bree: Orson, I am preparing a buffet for two hundred. I don't have time to explore my hypothetical career in the adult film industry.
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Tom: You said you were behind me one hundred percent.
Lynette: Really? That doesn't sound like me.
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Bank Manager: I cannot give out any information without the password. Which you obviously don't know.
Orson: Then ask me a different question. How about her date of birth, her social security number?
Bank Manager: Goodbye, Sir.
Orson: How about her real hair color? Trust me, it's not what you think it is.
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Tom: (to all the staff at Scavo's) Take off your aprons and come sit near the window.
Lynette: What is this?
Tom: It's called psychology. Come on. Nobody wants to eat in an empty restaurant. Right? So guys, this is what we're going to do. As soon as you see someone go by, you laugh. Act like you're having a great time. It will draw them in.
Lynette: So now we have pretend customers? Gee, let's think of something to do with all the pretend money we're going to make.
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Gabrielle: (to Maria and Bradley) Boy. Dinner without the kids. It's nice to eat without having maccaroni thrown at you.
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Orson: (talking to Alex about Andrew) He's cleaning up a little mess. Someone didn't know you couldn't serve bacon wrapped shrimp at a Bar Mitzvah.
Bree: I knew. I just thought if they tasted mine, they might change the rules.
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Susan: Are you feeling better?
M.J.: Yeah. Katherine made me soup and read me a story and showed me how to play blackjack.
Katherine: What are you going to remember?
M.J.: Always double down on a pair of aces.
-
Mary Alice: (voiceover) It begins just after sundown. After a long day at the office, exhausted people start coming home. Some are met by faithful pets. Some are welcomed with dry martinis. Others are greeted with dinner on the table. Then there are those who return from a long day at work, only to discover unpleasant surprises.
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Mary Alice: (opening voiceover) It's not hard to spot a mother, who works outside the home. Just look for someone who dresses in a hurry, eats her breakfast while rushing to her car, and applies her make up as she drives away. But the surest way to spot a mother who works outside the home? Just look for a child who gets sick at the worst possible moment. Yes. It's not hard to spot a woman who works outside the home. Just look for a woman who leaves her house every morning, feeling incredibly guilty.
