Desperate Housewives Season 2 Episode 20

Gabby: (about the baby, crying): No! You dont even want to be a mother! We've been feeding her and - and bathing her! And we wake up in the middle of the night to rock her! And if you knew me i dont usually dont do that (to officer) i usually dont...Its too late! we've already fallen in love!

Edie: I have told every woman in this town that we are getting married and all you have to say to me is, 'I don't know'?
Karl: What else to do you want me to say? I'm sorry.
Edie: What's going on? Is there someone else? Oh my god!
(Edie drops the note and backs away. She turns around and sees a rake propped against the house. She walks toward the rake)
Karl: Oh, crap.

Gabrielle: Hello, everyone! I'm Gaby Solis, class of '94. Woo-hoo! I just wanted to give God a big shout out to this amazing season. The man upstairs has definitely been on your side. You wanna know why? Because you boys live clean. You keep your noses up. You stay out of trouble. And you don't go around getting strippers pregnant. And that's a good thing, 'cause if one of you caused a scandal like that, ha, not only would that guy get kicked off the team and lose all of his scholarships, but God would drop your school colors so fast it'd make your head spin! And then the football season would go to hell! No pun intended. So my point is, do the right thing and no one gets hurt.

Ed: At least you and Tom have a love life.
Lynette: Well, we do the best we can given the circumstances.
Ed: Better than Fran and I. We're dead in that department. Ah, no, I don't wanna bore you with details.
Lynette: I appreciate that. You know, Ed. I don't want to pry into your personal business, but if you are having problems in that area, you don't have to be resigned to it.
Ed: What are you suggesting, hookers? No, Ed Ferrara doesn't pay for sex.

Dale: I got kinda held up in Florida longer than I thought.
Carlos: Spring break, right?
Dale: Yeah. Oh man, we were wasted twenty-four seven! Then I got the message and I just thought my friends were messin' with me. Those buttwads!

Bree: I think you'd love the opera. The music and the voices, it's just all so passionate.
Peter: Yeah, three hundred-pound soprano seducing balding tenors. That'd be hot!

Gabrielle: Look, I think we all know that Karl is a dog. But let's face it, if these tramps were laying out the buffet, he wouldn't be chowing down!
Susan: Well, every situation is different and it's hard to judge until we know all the details. (all four women stare at Susan)
Susan: Which obviously I don't know, because how would I know. (the women continue staring at Susan)
Susan: She's a slutty, slutty whore, absolutely! (All the women smile and nod)
Edie: Yeah!

(At Gabrielle's house)
Edie: You know when Karl dumped you Susan, I thought that it was all your fault. Yeah, I figured that you were a nag or bad in bed. But now, but now I see that you were just a victim too. We have a bond, Susan. Like we're sisters. There's even a pretty one and an ugly one.
Bree: Edie!
Edie: Oh I'm just saying that Karl screwed us both!
Susan: Yes, like you wouldn't believe.

Mary Alice: There is a prayer intended to give strength to people faced with circumstances they don't want to accept. The power of the prayer comes from it's insight into human nature. Because so many of us rage against the hand that life has dealt us. Because so many of us are cowardly. And afraid to stand up for what is right. Because so many of us give into despair when faced with an impossible choice. The good news for those who utter these words is that God will hear you and answer your prayer. The bad news is that sometimes the answer is no.

Mary Alice: Karl Mayer didn't pray often, but when he did, it was usually to ask for God's help in breaking up with a woman. And to spare him the nasty drama that usually accompanied such callous and unexpected departures. Over the years Karl had dumped dozens of women. And not one of them had seen it coming. Every retreat was always meticulously planned right down to the personalized stationary. Hence, his record of successful getaways from women who did not want to see him go. So when he decided to break up with Edie Britt, Karl prayed to God yet again to help him avoid all the unnecessary drama. Unfortunately for Karl, God was in the mood to be entertained. As he sat there, Karl couldn't help but wonder why God had forsaken him. It never occurred to him that God might be a woman.

Peter: Bree, it's dangerous to care about me, a lot of people have over the years and they all end up getting hurt.
Bree: Rex said he'd always be faithful, George said he'd never hurt me, and as it turns out they were both liars, so as long as you are honest with me, you'll be amazed of what I can put up with.

Claude: Damn it Peter! What did I tell you?
Peter: Avoid lust triggers.
Claude: And what is she?
Peter: Oh, don't do this man.
Claude: She's a lust trigger, a lust trigger!
Bree: Oh excuse me, I don't know what that means but could you stop saying it!

Lynette: Guys, I'm all for bashing exes, but lets save a little of our hate for his partner in crime, the Other Woman!
Bree: Yeah! You know they're always coming up with this excuses to justify being a home record.
Gabrielle: Exactly, like you wouldn't have been with me if he was getting it at home!
Lynette: Honey, You're the love of my life she's just a runner up
Susan: Oh, look! The baby is doing something really cute!
Gabrielle: She's sleeping.
Susan: Like an angel!