-
(Gabrielle comes to Andrew and complain about the car)
Gabrielle: I took a tour at the mechanics who told me the radiator shot.
Andrew: Oh, that, yeah. It's been giving me trouble for years. Just use the jar.
Gabrielle: What jar?
Andrew: It's in the truck. You just keep it full of water and when the radiator reheats you fill it up. Oh, and try not going uphills and stay in the shade as much as possible.
Gabrielle: I can't drive around avoiding gravity and the sun!
-
Katherine: Now remember, we can't just start grilling Edie or she'll get suspicious. We have to be subtle.
Karen: I'll just follow your lead.
Katherine: Okay.
(Edie walks in)
Edie: Sorry I'm late. What a great idea. We haven't done this in ages, a lunch with the girls!
Karen: Yes, well. Where was Dave born?
(Katherine spits her wine)
Edie: What?
Katherine: We were just wondering where he got his great... manners.
-
(Edie Britt drives by and notices Susan and Gabrielle cat-fighting about their children.)
Edie: (in disbelief) And they call me white trash.
-
Susan: It's not the first time. Juanita's been bullying him.
Gabrielle: Wow, I'm sorry. I'll talk to her.
Susan: Thank you.
Gabrielle: And don't worry, no one will hear about this from me.
Susan: Hear what?
Gabrielle: That MJ's getting beaten up by a little girl.
Susan: Well, a "girl".
Gabrielle: Are you suggesting that Juanita is fat for her age?
Susan: Gaby, Juanita is fat for your age.
Gabrielle: Yeah, well, let's face it, MJ can get beaten up by a kitten!
-
Gabrielle: Look at my life, Susan. I've been beaten down.
Susan: Well, I thought I had you beaten today and the next thing I knew, I was eating grass.
Gabrielle: Today doesn't count. Today I was mad.
Susan: Well, maybe you need to get mad more often.
Gabrielle: Maybe you're right.
-
Dave: You know what a mid-life crisis is?
Lynette: I'm married to a 45-year-old man who has a red convertible. Yeah, I think I know.
Dave: But you know how it happens? (She nods no) A man gets to a certain age, and he realizes he's gonna die someday, really die. And what's worse is that he's everything he's ever gonna be. He's never gonna be rich, he's never gonna climb a mountain. Some guys do bad things when they get those thoughts in their heads, by comparison, playing in a garage band, well, seems pretty harmless.
Lynette: Aah. So now my marriage is in trouble and you're gonna save it by giving Tom a bass?
Dave: No, no. I'm not. (hands her the bass) You are.
-
(Jackson teases Mike by slapping him over the head.)
Jackson: Oops! Didn't see that coming.
Mike: Just for that, I'm breaking my rule about not hitting girls!
-
(Danielle is allowing her son to call her by her own name.)
Bree: Let me be clear. I do not want him calling me Bree.
Danielle: Oh, don't worry. I told him to call you Granny.
-
Mary Alice: Benjamin Katz was six years old. And there were a lot of things he didn't understand. He wasn't sure why the woman you call mommy isn't always your mother (Shot of Bree feeding him. Danielle walks in, clearly uncomfortable with the situation). Or how the man who was always there for him could suddenly be taken away (Shot of Orson being arrested by the police). Or why you could go for a ride and never come back home (Shot of Benjamin in a leaving car as Bree watches him and waves goodbye). Yes, there were a lot of things Benjamin Katz couldn't understand, and no one seemed in a hurry to explain them.
-
Gabrielle: You attacked my child and then me. Why should I even listen to you?
Susan: I brought booze.
Gabrielle: Come on in.
-
Susan: I was trying to teach her not to be a bully, something she should've learned from her mother.
Gabrielle: Well, I'm sorry, I was too busy trying to explain to her why MJ doesn't wear a dress like all the other little girls.
-
Tom: We figured out, we got bass, we got drums, Mike plays guitar, I think Orson plays keyboard. Do you see where I am going with this?
Lynette: I do, but I'm hoping I'm wrong.
Tom: We're going to start a garage band!
Lynette: And I wasn't.
-
Leo: Actually, that won't be an issue, Danielle is home-schooling him.
Bree: Excuse me? You're teaching him?
Danielle: Yes, I take it you have an opinion...
Bree: So, instead of sending him to a proper school, you're going to give him the benefit of your straight C average?
Danielle: Hey, he's only six and he's already reading at a 3rd grade level.
Bree: Well, what happens next year when he overtakes you?
-
(Talking about their new car)
Carlos: How does it look?
Gabby: Be glad you're blind.
-
Bree: So, Danielle, what would you like me to make as a side dish for your welcome home party. I can make anything so long it complements beef tenderloins.
Danielle: Actually we don't eat meat, we're vegetarians.
Bree: Excuse me?
Danielle: So is Benjamin.
Bree: Oh... Well... Since when?
Danielle: Since I realized that meat was a by-product of murder.
Bree: Would it be more acceptable if I shop for suicidal pork loin?
