Valentine's Blues
Written by Tom Spezialy
Directed by Jeff Melman
9.0
"Superb"
Like many people, there isn't a bigger kick in the nuts than Valentine's Day. That one day in the year almost cruelly designed to make every singleton want to bury ourselves underground. It's also a day when incorporated into our favourite television shows can be a rather cheesy event. So double thanks to Tom Spezialy that this episode isn't riddled with enough slush to kill an elephant.
First off, before I go into any of the main plots, the side note is that if you're expecting anything new on Mystery Dana, you're out of luck. She gets a mention as Bree and Lynette muse as to why the Young's may have covered up her death (they still believe Zach killed her) but this is fodder for the real juice of Felicia knowing Mary Alice, sorry Angela way back in Utah. You heard right and when confronted with this, Paul acts his usual cagey self. If Felicia didn't have her suspicions of him before, she does now, especially when she some digging of her own.
Despite the fact it's Valentine, romantic thoughts are the least of Gabrielle's priorities. With her and Carlos up to their eyes in debt her tedious little Princess act becomes the undoing of her in a lot of ways in this instalment. First of all, Yao Lin rightly gives her a reality check with added truth for good measure, only then for Gabrielle to get fired from her Mattress King stint for being surly to customers, whinging about the coffee (Okay this part I side with. It does look like the kind of place with really bad coffee) as well as being something of a cheapskate. Last week Gabby's interactions with the Rowland's were fantastic but her one on one barbs with Yao Lin have always been funnier in a similar this kind of exchange used to be on Will And Grace between Karen and Rosario. Getting back to Yao Lin, she had every single right to say what she did to her former employer and the way she behaved when tables turned between her and Gabrielle at the makeup counter was dignified in comparison.
No matter how much Gabrielle tries to act like she's above others, in essence she's no different from Yao Lin. Both women literally came from nothing and are currently both struggling to make ends meat but what separates them is that Yao Lin seems more happier and securer with herself than Gabrielle whose desperation to regain her former lavish life only seems to be a way to prove something to herself, even though she fails to realise she's luckier than others. I really liked this plot but once again, Carlos had virtually nothing to do.
Another housewife whose Valentine's was just a blip on the radar was Lynette, whose hellions take stage when their mad thieving incurs the wrath of cranky old boot Karen Mc Cluskey. We've all had run ins with our neighbours, either defending our children's honours or having it defended, even when we are truly responsible for what our mean spirited neighbour accuses us of. The feud between the Scavos and Mrs Mc Cluskey is another case of this show's flair for slapstick with one party raiding their oppressor's house and getting egged for their own effort. Of course there's a moral conscience in Tom who encourages his wife to apologise and make things right. Lynette doesn't, which is a shame because Karen isn't all that bad but the Scavo kids don't get off so lightly as they have to return everything they've been swiping from the neighbourhood, leading to another juicy find.
It was only a matter of time before someone was going to find Martha's jewellery in Mike's garage and while I expected it to be the cops or Susan; it was a masterstroke to have the Scavo kids and then Lynette to be ones. Just like his girlfriend, Mike's sleuthing skills are getting sloppier by the minute. Not only does him breaking into an unknown home result in him being shot, badly stitched and hospitalised but his excuses for covering his tracks this time are truly pathetic and with cops crawling all around him, it looks like he's gonna be arrested for something he hasn't even done. You definitely feel for the guy as much as you wanna kick Paul for this. I dread what Susan's going to do next. She may be madly in love with Mike but this time you just know she won't be giving him the benefit of the doubt. The annoying is, you can't blame her either even if she decides to show the police the jewellery. With enough tangled lies and odd behaviour, Mike has made himself into someone you would be wary. It's just a shame but sickly perfect this occurred now that he and Susan were getting serious. They were also the only couple to get closer to celebrating Valentine's Day as well.
On the Van De Kamp front, with George seemingly out of the way, Bree finally discovers that what really makes Rex a happy boy, sex wise is literally being whipped into a frenzy among saucier sadomasochistic things. I'm not a prudish person, so unlike Bree, her husband's little fetish isn't that much of a shocker but I do wonder where this kind of sexual interest stems from. Was Bree right in suggesting that it originates from some kind of trauma or abuse as a child? And is it only weak willed people like Rex who solely enjoy this kind of foreplay? Anyways, the end result is Bree actually gives into her husband's whim in a truly hilarious style. From picking out control words to washing the handcuffs in the dishwasher, it's a bloody shame we don't get to see Bree in Madame Whiplash mode but this is an excruciatingly funny plot you would be off your rocker if you don't laugh. I know I certainly did.
Also in "Love Is In The Air"
Seeing as it's Valentine's Day what the men offered was a card on Carlos' part (now we know he's really skint), the old flowers and candy routine for Rex (tres original), Mike made dinner reservations (and then passed out. Poor thing) and Tom forget (so I guess he made dinner to amend that slip up).
Lynette: "Do you know what psychological warfare is?"
Parker: "No"
Lynette: "Too bad for you".
It seemed Felicia and Mary Alice/Angela judging from the picture worked as nurses in Utah. Please tell me there isn't gonna be an Annie Wilkes/Misery type twist here?
Gabrielle: "You are so fired"
Yao Lin: "Not kidding".
Loved Gabrielle's "Please Do Not talk To The Model" sign. That's one way of getting rid of unwanted customers.
Lynette (to Tom): "Pack your things, we're moving".
Mike's crazy handler from eps 5 and 12 (aka Kendra/Deirdre's father) is called Noah.
Waiter: "Oh mam, your napkin"
Susan: "Don't even thing about it".
For a Valentine's episode this was surprisingly devoid of music, except for score harkening back to the first couple of episodes.
Rex: "I like to be dominated"
Bree: "Huh?"
Rex: "Sexually".
Bree and Rex's list of safety words included Boisey, Palistine and Philadelphia. I think there's a bit of a kink mistress in Bree just waiting to come out after all.
Bree (to Rex): "Would you mind if I ran these through the dishwasher once?".
Tom: "The only motto that matters is love thy husband"
Lynette: "Funny, I don't recall that motto".
I don't think I've enjoyed a Valentine's episode of any other show until I saw this one. "Love Is In The Air" had the right temperament from start to finish and it's an episode in a long in which I can't decide which plot I enjoyed more. Despite the absences of John and Edie who probably could've added something, this was a terrific episode.
moreless