Desperate Housewives

Bree:(to Lynette and Susan) I'm keeping my eyes on the horizon, please tell me if I'm about to step on a body part.

Mike: Susan. Susan: Mike, guess what? I love you! Mike: Are you sure? Susan: Yes!

Mary Alice: Edie Britt could never understand why she didn't have any female friends. Of course, she always tried to tell people she didn't need any, but the truth was, it bothered Edie that other women didn't seem to like her. Even after moving to Wisteria Lane, Edie couldn't understand why her neighbors kept their distance. And then she met Martha Huber. Within five minutes, Mrs. Huber managed to disparage what Edie was wearing. In fact, whenever they got together, Mrs. Huber insulted her. She made fun of everything from Edie's makeup to her taste in men. Yes, Martha Huber could be cruel, offensive, and downright mean. But Edie didn't care, because she was the first real friend Edie Britt had ever had. But now Martha Huber was missing. She had vanished without a trace, and Edie was not embarrassed to admit, she needed her back.

Mike: You know, I retract my earlier statement. I no longer love you. In fact, I just think of you as a really good buddy. Susan: No. No, no, no. You obviously think you have some insight into my soul, so please, go ahead, dazzle me. Mike: Your divorce left you hurt and vulnerable. Susan: Big insight. The postman knows that.

Andrew: (to Bree) You want to see how long I can hold a grudge? Go ahead and abandon my father, because I promise you, you'll be sorry.

Rex: So you didn't tell them about... Bree: Your adultery? No. I decided to keep that little gem all to myself.

Mary Alice: We are all searching for someone. That special person who will provide us what's missing in our lives. Someone who can offer companionship (shot of Bree talking to George over the phone.) Or assistance (shot of Lynette looking for an unattractive nanny.) Or security (shot of Gabrielle telling Carlos she found his passport.) And sometimes, if we search very hard, we find someone who provides us with all three (shot of Susan and Mike talking on the phone to each other.) Yes, we are all searching for someone, and if we can't find them, we can only pray they find us (shot of a jogger finding Martha's body.)

Andrew: Knew what? Well come on, tell me! Because I'd love to know what my father did that was so awful! Bree: Fine. I will see him through this, but after that, your father can rot in hell for all I care! Danielle: We're not like other families, are we? Andrew: No. We're not.

George: It was nice talking with you, Dr. Van de Kamp. Rex: Please, you're dating my wife! Call me Rex!

Paul: I just wanted you to know that everyone on Wisteria Lane is praying for your sister's safe return. Felicia: Oh, I seriously doubt that.

Edie: You know, I can only imagine how worried you must be. Felicia: I'm not worried, Edie. Martha and I had a very intense bond. We were connected at the most primal level, and a few days ago, I felt this sensation in my soul. That's when it first dawned on me that something had happened to my sister. And when she didn't arrive at my home as scheduled, well, that's when I knew she was dead. Edie: Oh, honey, no! You mustn't think like that! Martha's only missing! Felicia: No, Edie, she's dead. But she's my sister, and I'm going to find out exactly what happened to her. Edie: Look, Felicia, it's natural to freak out when a loved one is missing. Felicia: Loved one? Oh, Edie, let me be clear about this. I hated Martha. She was a wretched pig of a woman and the day she died, this world became a better place.

Rex: Look at you... going out? Bree: Not that it's any of your business, but I have a date. Rex: A date... what kind of date? Bree: Rex, I don't want to say anything that might upset you. The doctor said any more stress could cause another heart attack. (pause) Bree: It's a romantic date with a single, attractive man and I intend to French the hell out of him.

Bree: (to Andrew) I'm getting divorced, and I might marry someone else, but your father is, and always will be, the love of my life!

Bree: Do me a favor, Rex. Please don't mistake my anal-retentiveness for actual affection.

Woman: (to Lynette) We'd all like to get outta here. Is there a problem? Lynette: My husband won't admit that he has lust in his heart! Can you give us a minute?