Desperate Housewives

Season 3 Episode 16

My Husband, The Pig

Aired Sunday 9:00 PM Mar 04, 2007 on ABC
out of 10
User Rating
399 votes

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Episode Summary

Rex Van De Kamp (guest star Steven Culp) narrates this episode that focuses on the men of Wisteria Lane. Mike begins to suspect that Ian (guest star Dougray Scott) proposed to Susan so suddenly because he was afraid of the competition. Tom wants to surprise Lynette on their ninth wedding anniversary. While Austin tries to get Julie to forgive him and be his girlfriend again, Danielle learns that she is pregnant. Gabrielle meets Victor Lang (guest star John Slattery), a man running for mayor of Fairview. Edie receives a surprise visit from her son, Travers.moreless

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  • The deceased Rex Van De Kamp returns to narrate this episode.

    This episode was so good, in my opinion. I enjoyed watching every minute of this episode. There were so many storylines in this episode. Bree's absence is explained as she will be visiting her parents, and then will go on her honeymoon with Orson. Mike and Ian become even more of enemies. Austin finally gets back together with Julie, just after he gets Danielle pregnant, and Austin leaves Wisteria Lane. That moment between Susan and Mike in the jewelers was so romantic. The Lynette storyline in this episode was hilarious. It was so funny when she was waiting outside in the cold. Gabrielle met another love interest, a man about twenty years older than her, who is running for mayor. This episode was another great installment. It is perfect, just like every other episode.moreless
  • Great

    Great episode! Edie gets an unexpected visit from her son. An unexpected pregnancy causes complications. Victor Lang (guest star John Slattery), a man in his 40s running for mayor of Fairview, introduces himself for Gabrielle. The deceased Rex Van De Kamp (special guest star Steven Culp) narrates. Danielle is pregnany was just a shock and such a surprise!! Very good writing it this episode.
  • this was a above average eppisode

    My Husband, The Pig

    Edie gets an unexpected visit from her son. An unexpected pregnancy causes complications. Victor Lang (guest star John Slattery), a man in his 40s running for mayor of Fairview, introduces himself for Gabrielle. The deceased Rex Van De Kamp (special guest star Steven Culp)narrates. Julie is at the car wash and Austen gets into car. He is sad because she didn’t return any one of his phone calls. He gives her a letter and he just wants her to read it and if she doesn’t forgive him he won’t bother her anymore. She tells him that she will read if he gets out of the car right now. It is waxing time but he gets out anyway.

    Andrew wants to go to the bathroom but Danielle is still there. He tells her that he needs to be at work in ten minutes and he needs to brush his teeth. She opens the door and she is crying because she is pregnant. Danielle and Austen talk about the baby. Austen freaks out and tells Danielle about the clinic but she wants him to marry her. He tells her that he can’t stand her and Danielle needs to throw up again and goes to the bathroom. At that moment Julie walks in and tells Austen that she forgives him. She hears someone puking at the bathroom and he tells her that Edie had too much of alcohol. Orson is about to join Bree and Andrew tells him about Danielle. Orson, Andrew, Danielle and Austen all got together to discuss the problem. They will not marry each other, Danielle will join Orson and Bree on their honeymoon and she will tell her friends that she decided to study abroad and once the baby is born, the baby will be adopted by a suitable family and she will come home and return to everything the way it was. Orson then tells Austen to leave and not to tell anybody why, not even her aunt. Austen doesn’t want to leave because of Julie but Andrew tells him that he will hurt her even more. He tells him to leave and forget about everything. Austen comes and tells Julie that he is going to leave a town for a while and he doesn’t know when he is gonna be back. He tells her that he has some family problems and that she is the only girl who gave him a second chance and that means so much to him. Julie kisses him and he tells her one last good bye.moreless
  • Although there were constant mistakes made about Ian's "Britishisms" (Being British I wanted to scream) this episode had some good moments as always, and Rex narrating for a change was interesting.moreless

    First of all, Ian's accent has always annoyed me, seeing as how not even many Londoners speak like that and the majority of the country are not London anyway. Also I wanted to shout at the TV when they had him calling Jacks "Naves" and all the Americans being all "We call them Jacks!" because around 98% of Britain also call them Jacks. And I'm not even mentioning the fact he has a butler!

    Apart from that (And I hope to God, Ian goes soon) this episode made me smile a few times. It also made me sad, as Rex was describing the men's misfortunes, e.g. "I'll never hold her in my arms again" etc... A good episode all round, Britishisms aside, but I hope that before long, the series is back to a more funny and upbeat storyline. I expect though, that this is because of the end to the Monique storyline.moreless
  • Rex Van De Kamp narrates a solid post-February sweeps episode.

    Rex Van De Kamp narrated this episode, and it was a solid, good episode, considering the February sweeps episode two weeks before with the conclusion of the mystery. In any case, the Mike and Ian poker game was exciting, but it reminded me too much of the Bree and Betty Applewhite poker game last season. I did like the symbolism though. I know that I had thought in the past that the show needs to return to simple, everyday housewife hilarities, but I don't think the show's turning in that direction. Plus, it just isn't the same without Marcia Cross. Despite all of this, I still did enjoy this week's episode and am excited to see what's to come.moreless
Crystal Allen

Crystal Allen


Guest Star

Karen Constantine

Karen Constantine


Guest Star

Diane Kim

Diane Kim

Female Jewelry Clerk

Guest Star

Steven Culp

Steven Culp

Rex Van De Kamp

Recurring Role

John Slattery

John Slattery

Victor Lang

Recurring Role

Dougray Scott

Dougray Scott

Ian Hainsworth

Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (6)

    • At the beginning of this season, Andrew was the only member of his immediate family not living in the Van De Kamp/Hodge house. By an ironic twist of fate, he will be the only one living there from the end of this episode to the season finale.

    • Rex showed us his tombstone and said that he was buried there but during season 2 Bree changed his grave to outside a wastesite and said she'd never forgive him.. So who moved his body to the new spot?

    • John Slattery who plays Victor Lang, originated the role of Michael Cassidy on Judging Amy. The role would later be taken over by Richard Burgi who plays Karl.

    • The jewelry store Mike and Susan are in when he's returning the ring doesn't look like the one he is seen buying it from at the end of Season 2.

    • We find out that Danielle is pregnant with Austin, whom he cheated on Julie with.

    • When Tom is proposing a toast, he's holding the coffee with his left hand. However, in the next shot he's drinking the coffee with his right hand. In the next shot he's holding the coffee in his left again.

  • QUOTES (15)

    • Mike: Was that proposal spontaneous or did you have it all planned?
      Ian: Oh, it was entirely planned. I thought it would be the ideal occasion.
      Mike: If it was planned why didn't you have a ring?
      Ian: Well, I thought Susan might like to choose a ring herself.
      Mike: So, why did she pick a ring that was too big for her?
      Ian: How did you know that?
      Tom: Guys, guys, guys, we came here to play cards, so why are we talking about jewelery?
      Mike: Sorry Tom, but I just found out I bought a ring for Susan myself. It was in my pocket that night some son of a bitch ran me over.
      Orson: Ahm, Tom's right, we should focus on the game.
      Mike: After our talk I called the hospital. They said my ring got in with your wife's stuff. So you saw it before I did. The same day you proposed to Susan.
      Ian: And your point is?
      Mike: That that's why you were in such a big hurry. You wanted to seal the deal before I found out about the ring and told her.
      Ian: Do you think I'm afraid of you?
      Mike: Maybe you should be. What do you think Susan would say if she found out your proposal was so spontaneous?

    • (The boys have gathered at Tom's restraurant when Ian walks in)
      Mike: Hey, Ian.
      Ian: Nice to see you Mike.
      (Mike rolls his eyes at the other guys)
      Carlos: What is fish'n'chips doing here?
      Tom: Susan asked me to include him, she said he always wanted to learn how to play poker so we're gonna give him some very expensive lessons.
      Mike: Be careful, he already knows how to bluff.

    • Tom: Beer is on the house, guys. Drink fast, get stupid and lose money.

    • Rex: (narrating) Take a drive down any street in suburbia. Know what you're gonna see? A bunch of guys wearing the same expression. It's a look that says: Oh, crap. My dreams are never gonna come true. I'll never have a life free from scandal. I'll never have a son of my own. I'll never hold her in my arms again. I'll never get to tell her how I feel. Yeah, the suburbs are filledwith a lot of men who have given up hope. Of course, every once in a while you do come across some lucky SOB whose dreams have all come true. You know how you spot them? They're the ones who can't stop smiling. Don't you just hate those guys?

    • Rex: (narrating) This is Ian. Don't really know the guy, but Susan Mayer seems to like him. The other night, he surprised her with a proposal. She said yes, but he's still a little skittish about the competition. But Ian knows that if love is war... sometimes you gotta bring out the big artillery.

    • Rex: (narrating) This is my friend Tom. Have you heard what he's been up to lately? The silly bastard opened up his own pizza place. He thought that if he was his own boss, he could sleep in as late as he wanted, but the problem with that logic is that married guys... are never their own boss.

    • Rex: (narrating) Take a drive down any street in suburbia. Know what you're gonna see? Desperate women. That's right.. one unhappy housewife after another, each completely miserable.. in her own unique way. But I don't want to talk about them. No, I want to talk about their men and what happens to a guy when that special lady in his life starts to lose it. Like my friend Carlos. He used to have it all.. hot wife, tons of dough, then bam! She gets a divorce, and he gets stuck with the bill. But does he sit around and complain like your average hausfrau? No, Sir. He finds creative ways to get what you can out of life.

    • Rex: (narrating) My name is Rex Van De Kamp. I always hated cemeteries when I was alive. Now that I'm dead, I like 'em even less. Here's where I used to live.. a whole lot nicer, don't you think? The place hasn't changed much since I left.. as tasteful and tidy as ever. Everything perfect.. at least on the surface. My family was the same way. Look at us. You'd never guess how ticked off we all were the day this was taken, but that was the thing about us Van De Kamps. To really fit in, you had to have a smile that gave away nothing. Like my son Andrew.. to look at him, you'd never know he spent six months on the streets supporting himself with panhandling and light prostitution. Or my daughter Danielle.. does she look like the kind of girl who'd seduce her middle-aged history teacher? I mean, they're my kids, and I love 'em, but I'm pretty darn relieved to be dead. Here's the clown Bree replaced me with.. Orson. I don't mind saying, he's creeped me out right from the get-go. To me, he always has the shifty look of a guy who knows where the bodies are buried.. and he should know. He buried them. But Bree thinks he's Sir Galahad. The kids like him. And all my friends.. now, his friends. So it pleases me to know that at least one of my old neighbors sees right through the guy.

    • Orson: The hotel number is on the fridge in case there's a problem.

      Andrew: Actually, we kind of already have a problem.

      Orson: I'm already late for my flight, can this problem wait a few weeks till we're back?

      Andrew: Yes, it can wait a few weeks. I mean, heck, this can wait... nine months.

      Orson: (looks at Danielle, who looks worried)
      Oh, Lord.

    • Gabrielle just agreed to have lunch with Victor Lang.
      Victor: Great, I'll take us to Cucina. There's no place harder to get into.
      Gabrielle: That's what you think.

    • Tom: Hey, you've got a cousin in the limo business, don't you?
      Carlos: Actually, I've got a cousin in the limo as a front for prostitution business.

    • Austin: You won't return my calls.
      Julie: Well, I've been busy. Plus, my mom caught you naked on top of my friend!

    • Tom: What about my sex? I always get sex on our anniversary.
      Lynette: We can still have sex, just try not to wake me.

    • Nurse: Again, sorry for the mix up. If you could just sign right here.
      Mike: (looking at the engagement ring that was in his things) I don't remember this. You sure that's mine?
      Nurse: It was on you the night you were admitted.
      Mike: I got hit by a car, I don't remember anything about that night.
      Nurse: Well it looks like you were going to propose to someone. (reading the inscription on the ring) Susan, be mine forever, Mike. Does that ring a bell?
      Mike: Sure does.

    • Mike: (referencing the night Monique was killed) What do you think the police would say if they knew you were there that night?
      Orson: What do you think they would say if they knew you threw me off a roof?

  • NOTES (10)

    • International Episode Titles:
      Czech Republic: Můj muž, ten protiva (My Husband, the Nuisance)
      Slovakia: Môj mizerný manžel (My Crappy Husband)

    • Submissions at the 2007 Emmy Awards:
      James Denton submitted this episode for consideration on his behalf in the category of "Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series".
      Josh Henderson and Doug Savant both submitted this episode for consideration in the category of "Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series".
      John Slattery also submitted this episode for "Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series".
      Steven Culp also submitted this episode for consideration of his work in the category of "Outstanding Voice-Over Performance".

    • Marcia Cross, already four to five months pregnant, took maternity leave from this point until near the end of the season.

    • This episode marks the final appearance of Josh Henderson who plays Edie's nephew Austin McCann.

    • This is the first episode of the series that Marcia Cross (Bree Hodge) does not appear in.

    • Although credited, Marcia Cross (Bree Hodge), Brent Kinsman (Preston Scavo), Shane Kinsman (Porter Scavo) and Zane Huett (Parker Scavo) do not appear in this episode. (The scenes at the beginning with Bree packing up and getting in the car were done by a body double.)

    • On its original airing, this episode scored 18.3 million viewers.

    • Along with Kyle MacLachlan, John Slattery is another actor on this show who once starred in Sex and the City.

    • Although mentioned in the pilot episode that Edie Britt has a son, who hasn't been seen until now, this is the first episode that he appears in.

    • This is the first episode narrated by Rex Van De Kamp, Bree's dead ex-husband, (Steven Culp), and not Mary Alice Young (Brenda Strong), who only narrates the "Previously on..." intro.


    • Episode Title: "My Husband, the Pig" was a song that was written for Sondheim's 1972 Broadway musical "A Little Night Music," but was cut before opening night.