Desperate Housewives

Season 3 Episode 11

No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds

Aired Sunday 9:00 PM Jan 07, 2007 on ABC
out of 10
User Rating
394 votes

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Episode Summary

Tom and Lynette try to make Kayla feel like a part of the family. Alma Hodge decides to pay Orson and Bree a visit. Susan visits Mike in jail to tell him about the lawyer Ian got him. Gabrielle accuses Carlos of trying to sabotage her relationship with Bill. Bree organizes a dinner party to show Susan that Alma is alive.moreless

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  • Back from the dead, with a hair full of red - Its ALMA HODGE!

    Great stuff - DH at its dramatic no doubt. Season Three is shaping up to be a rather great season.

    Alma Hodge is back from the dead... but she didn't really die in the first place. She and Gloria tricked Orson into marrying because she was having a baby, but loses the baby, so Orson falls out of love. She decides to leave him and pretend she's dead. She comes back and says to Bree "Bree Hodge? I'm Alma Hodge, we both have something in common!" Bree then passes out - the funniest scene perhaps?

    This is a great episode. You could cut the tension with a knife at the dinner party. Susan and Bree's friendship collapses in this episode. It is the or does anyone else like it when the Wives argue?moreless
  • Gabrielle learns she has a secret admirer; Alma pays Bree a visit; Susan calls the cops on Orson; Lynette and Tom try to make Kayla feel like a part of the family.moreless

    This was a great episode. It was a perfect episode to air after such a long hiatus of a month and twelve days. It was so amazing. It was very funny too. I loved this episode so much. It was very dramatic. Alma returned; Susan called the cops on Orson, and Bree ended her friendship with her; Lynette tries to make Kayla feel like a part of the family; Austin is sleeping with both Julie and Danielle... It is very dramatic. I cannot believe Austin had an affair. Marc Cherry is very creative and talented with his storylines. This episode is a series classic. It is another perfect installment to the third season of this hit series.moreless
  • Peacemakers Need Not Apply Written by Josh Senter And Alexandria Cunningham Directed by Sanaa Hamri

    When Christmas on Fairview ends with the shocks of Art being an actual paedophile and Alma Hodge being more than alive, then it should be demanded that the first episode based in 2007 of the series should run with this excellent reveal as oppose to a low key offering.

    Luckily for us viewers any signs of treading water for the series are eschewed in favour of opening scene from “Listen To The Roof On The Roof” being retold in an interesting light. Instead of Alma leaving Orson because she lived in fear of him and his controlling ways, it turns out that she discovered his affair with Monique and wanted to leave him in a ruse to get him to want her. However it turns out that not only does Orson not care about Alma learning of his adultery but he point blank tells her that he loves Monique and not her within the slightest.

    There are always those kind of people who think that if love isn’t there organically then manipulating certain circumstances such as a forced marriage and a convenient pregnancy will ultimately make the other person love them. Alma is one of those people and boy, didn’t she get quite the reality check when Orson told her where to effectively go.

    However in the present day Alma shows up on Bree’s doorstep and while the latter’s reaction upon learning who Alma was is to more or less, you have to admit that Bree knowing that Alma is alive and well does help with her trusting her new hubby all the more.

    Bree even goes to the extent of deciding that Alma’s presence in the neighbourhood is enough ammunition to heal that big old fight between her and Susan in “The Miracle Song” but like everyone else, Orson is suspicious as to why his former wife has chosen to resurface and despite her insistence, Alma isn’t as over Orson as she makes out to be as well.

    This is made abundantly clear with her body language and mannerisms when she is reunited with her former husband in Bree’s living room and even more so by the episode’s ending when she buys a house of Edie in Wisteria Lane. This is the only thing Edie does in this episode as well, so that’s more or less noteworthy in it’s self.

    With Alma taking up residency in Wisteria Lane it’s doubtful that she’ll have to do much to put the wind up Bree’s skirt and annoy Orson in the process. If she was over him, she would’ve gone after the dinner party fiasco but seeing as she’s in cahoots with Gloria, we’re gonna have to deal with her.

    If you had hoped that Alma’s return would be the tonic to get Susan and Bree to put their differences aside, then it comes as a pleasant surprise that the writers decide to up the ante with their feud and after Susan’s theories on Orson are dismissed by Lynette and Gabrielle, she decides to take a more drastic course of action in order to be taken more seriously.

    Yeah she decides to become a squealer and blabs to Detective Ridley about Orson’s affair with Monique which subsequently gets him arrested at Bree’s dinner party for the girls to meet Alma and it doesn’t take Bree any length of time to learn who ratted Orson to the cops, thus resulting in Susan being shunned by one of her closest friends.

    Ian isn’t best pleased with Susan’s course of action as well as he did specifically point out that he would help Mike if she stayed from him, which Susan couldn’t as she had to tell him face to face that she couldn’t see him anymore after she told Mike that he was sorted for legal aid.

    However even that little visit and piece of disclosure was enough to rattle Ian’s cage but Susan managed to get herself out of hot water when midway through their pretty dull argument she told the possessive Englishman that she loved him much to Ian’s delight, although I bet it will take significantly more than that for Susan to get back into Bree’s good books.

    Speaking of Mike, seeing as he is the guy that has put two of Susan’s relationships through the ringer, all the stuff involving him this week as pretty peripheral. In other words, it’s the things that are happening to Mike rather than Mike himself that pushes the storyline along.

    Mike can’t actually remember anything so he can’t confirm or deny whether or not he is responsible for Monique’s death and the only thing that is really interesting about his prison drama is the fact that Paul Young is subtlety reintroduced and is aware of Mike’s current plight.

    From serious plights to teenage ones, we’ve all noticed that Julie and Austin have more or less been inseparable since being held hostage in a supermarket by Carolyn in “Bang” and while Susan is too distracted to further chastise Julie about her questionable taste in men, sex has become a dividing factor for the young lovers.

    It’s a dividing factor because Julie isn’t exactly keen to lose her virginity to a guy who has had more slam pieces than his aunt has bonked random blokes in the last twenty years and while it’s nice that Austin doesn’t behave like a total dick when she says no, it’s clear that he’s not entirely pleased about not getting any from his new girlfriend either way.

    A really cool thing about Julie’s dilemma and because it’s such a surprising rarity in this series is that when she needs advice on sex the only two people her age she can talk to are Andrew and Danielle and honestly, would you want sex advice from these two teenagers?

    There’s Andrew who will sacrifice a relationship with a hottie like Justin to sleep with one of his mother’s boyfriends merely out of revenge and Danielle, who will basically sleep with anything that looks at her as her relationship with her history teacher earlier on in the series has taught us.

    Either way these two misfits give Julie advice that is reasonably sensible. Although hypocritical, it was nice that Danielle told Julie to call the shots and not sleep with Austin because he demands it but at the same time, Andrew was perceptive to point out that if Austin isn’t getting it from her, he will get it somewhere else.

    Unfortunately for Julie and even after she caves in and sleeps with Austin, Andrew’s little warning is more than true when it’s revealed that Austin is screwing around with Danielle and while you could expect both of them to disregard Julie’s feelings like that, it’s still a nasty shock after Danielle spent most of this episode acting like a decent human being. Here’s hoping Julie sucker punches the **** when she finds out.

    When it comes to ****es they all come in different shapes, sizes and ages and Lynette quickly if she thought Nora was an antichrist out to ruin her marriage, then Kayla might be Satan herself as the little is determined to wreck Lynette’s head at every given opportunity as she sets to divide the Scavo household.

    Kayla goes about her nastiness by destroying a doll Lynette gave to her in a botched attempt to make her feel welcome and even caused Lynette’s authority to be challenged with the Scavo spawn when she managed to get her meal and to watch TV at the same time.

    However Kayla gets a lot more ambitious after Lynette tells Tom about the first two incidents and absolutely humiliates Lynette in an ice-cream restaurant so bad that Lynette has to bribe her not as demonic as they use to be sons into manhandling Kayla into the car in order to regain control.

    The thing is though, this is one battle that is destined to not get quickly resolved because while Kayla could do without having her stepbrothers as enemies, she openly admits when confronted by Tom that she will never accept Lynette and Lynette’s reaction to hearing this confession is pretty heartbreaking to say the least but that’s kids for you – angels one minute, terrors the next!

    In a lot of ways Kayla isn’t the worst in existence and her anger at losing her mother in such a horrible way is understandable and given that Kayla is aware of how Lynette felt about Nora, it’s hardly unrealistic that Kayla would choose her stepmother as a means of venting out her rage. I think in her circumstances most kids would too but that doesn’t mean for one second I think Lynette deserves to be punished for Nora’s death by Kayla because she doesn’t.

    Although Tom is somewhat on Lynette’s side, Lynette is mainly going to have to grit her teeth and hope to sweet Jesus that Kayla gets over her anger sooner rather than later, otherwise I can predict that they will be much worse incidents that the ice cream parlour one in which Lynette’s quick thinking really will be stretched to breaking point.

    Elsewhere Gabrielle and her love life continues to be the least interesting plot of the week but surprisingly enough, it isn’t an unbearable plot to really watch even if it doesn’t compete with Bree/Orson/Alma, Susan/Ian/Mike or Tom/Lynette/Kayla stories.

    This week Gabby is kind of forced to accept that it’s probably a bit too early for her to go back onto the dating scene when her relationship with Bill grinds to a halt thanks to Carlos’ presence and a mystery bouquet of flowers which prove too much for both Bill and Gabby to handle.

    Surprisingly Carlos and the mystery flowers are unconnected but it drives Gabrielle so mad that she has a mystery admirer that when the florist is unsympathetic (seeing as it’s Gabby, that’s pretty easy to do), Gabby just locks her up to find out and when Bill realises that she’s not really ready for dating again he dumps her.

    It’s not as if Gabby is really heartbroken or anything because Bill’s more down to earth nature not only gives Carlos a source of amusement, because God knows he has nothing else to do but it also clashes with Gabby and her materialism and Gabby is never someone you could describe as down to earth and selfless but this episode did make me respect Bill more before he subsequently disappeared.

    Anyways getting back to the mystery when Carlos is ruled out as a suspect, there’s a really great scene between him and Gabrielle where the both of them admit that they won’t be able to meet anyone who will match the other and for these two it’s a really effective and sweet moment between. That being said if Carlos really didn’t send Gabby the flowers, then who else did? John perhaps!

    Also in “No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds”

    Housewife of the week: I think the rewrite in the way Orson’s relationship with Alma is indicative to the way Kyle McLachlan’s performance and chemistry with Marcia Cross has affected the series.

    Alma (re Monique affair): “Are you gonna deny it?”

    Orson: “On the contrary, I feel like shouting it from the rooftops”.

    We learned that Alma stayed in Canada with her Aunt Agnes. I have an Aunt called Agnes too.

    Gabrielle: “Are you kidding? What could be more romantic? Back off you little ****”

    Bill: “More wine?”

    Parker (re Kayla): “I’m giving up my room. How much more nicer do I have to be?”

    Lynette: “Nicer than that”.

    What was Alma injecting herself with before dinner?

    Mike: “You mean an ex I don’t even remember?”

    Susan (re Ian): “I remember and that’s all for him”. Lynette (re Kayla): “She’s sad”

    Parker: “I’m sad I can’t watch TV”.

    I had to laugh at Andrew’s 3 beers/not gay remarks about Austin. Seriously Andrew you did better when you had Justin, remember?

    Julie (re “Van De Tramp”): “I thought you made that up”

    Danielle: “Only because it was nicer than the other names they were calling me”.

    So Gabby is a fan of Orchids, Sunflowers or Blue Irises. At least she’s got some taste after all.

    Gabrielle: “I’ll give you this; you’ll be a tough act to follow”

    Carlos: “Back at you babe”.

    Has anyone noticed the amount of Nissan sponsorships with most of the episodes this season? Talk about serious car plugging.

    Alma: “I needed to find myself”

    Gabrielle: “Would’ve been nice had someone found you first”.

    Bree (to Susan): “Boy when it comes to Mike there’s no one you won’t betray”.

    I think this is the second episode this season that actually featured the entire regular cast for the season.

    Alma (to Edie): “I just want a place where I can fit in”

    Mary Alice: “Oh you will Alma, you absolutely will”.

    Chronology: January 2007 I assume.

    “No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds” is a brilliant way to open up the 2007 era of the series and its also nice that the show doesn’t want to offer easy answers but unlike stable mate series Lost the mysteries aren’t testing viewers patience.moreless
  • Bree invites susan round to show that alma is still alive. Kayla moves in with Tom and lynette.

    Kayla is really evil, like her mother. Lynette was funny trying to deal with her. Bree and Susans phone conversation - brill. Susan and ian still together. Cabbrielle has an admirer i'm gussing john roland.

    great! can't wait for the rest of the season. I wonder what the finale will be like!?
  • Worth the 3 week wait.

    Well, we've been waiting for three weeks, and it's finally here! From the introduction, you can tell its going to be a good episode. Alma shows up on Wisteria Lane, but the mystery over who really killed Monique Polier is still up in the air, which drives a wedge between Susan and Bree at Bree's "Shame on you for thinking my husband killed someone" dinner. Gabby has a romantic date with Bill, but quickly ruins it by locking the florist in the walk in freezer, and Kayla wont behave for Lynette, and it doesnt help that Tom is always at the resteraunt.moreless
Mark Deklin

Mark Deklin

Bill Pearce

Guest Star

Myra Turley

Myra Turley


Guest Star



Inmate #1

Guest Star

Rachel Fox

Rachel Fox

Kayla Huntington

Recurring Role

Dougray Scott

Dougray Scott

Ian Hainsworth

Recurring Role

Valerie Mahaffey

Valerie Mahaffey

Alma Hodge

Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (4)

    • Orson apparently likes redheads. Bree Van De Kamp, Alma Hodge, and Monique Polier, the women he is romantically connected with, all have red hair.

    • Susan says she loves Ian for the first time.

    • The beginning clip after the introduction shows the neighbour. This clip of the neighbour however is from Season 2. As in Season 2, Susan is living at Bree's house because her house was burnt down and this was the only time Susan would park her car in Bree's driveway. Yet in the clip of the neighbour you can see Susan's Volvo XC70 parked behind Bree's Chrysler 300C in Bree's driveway. You can also see Paul Young's SUV parked in his driveway next door to Bree's, however he is in prison and his old house is currently vacant, meaning that there shouldn't be any car in the driveway at all.

    • This is the first episode featuring Paul Young (Mark Moses) since the season two finale.

  • QUOTES (17)

    • Susan: Did you seriously think I could sit on information that would exonerate Mike? If you had seen his face in jail the other day.
      Ian: The other day? You saw Mike?
      Susan: Yeah, just to tell him about the lawyer. (turning to Bree) I know that Mike is innocent.
      Bree: Right, just like you knew Alma was dead.
      Ian: I thought we had an agreement.
      Susan: We do. Can we talk about this later?
      Susan: When? After your next conjugal visit?
      Bree: (to Susan) Boy, when it comes to Mike there's no one you won't betray.

    • Mike: I can't believe that I just listened to all that stuff Edie told me about you. It turns out you're the only one standing by me. You're a good friend, Susan.
      Susan: Ahm, yeah, about that. It's Ian. He's not crazy about me spending time with my ex.
      Mike: Even an ex who doesn't remember dating you?
      Susan: I remember, and I guess that's enough for him. I'm sorry.
      Mike: Well, I can't say that I blame him.
      Susan: (reaching out her hand to him) Take care of yourself Míke.
      Mike: You too, Susan.

    • Susan: I'm out of lipstick. Can I borrow yours?
      Julie: Sure. (hands her her lipstick)
      Susan: Cherry berry?
      Julie: Austin likes the way it tastes.
      Susan: Oh, I so did not need to know that.

    • Tom: She threw your doll in the trash?
      Lynette: No, first she ripped off its arms, stuffed it with chili, then she threw it in the trash!

    • (Carlos calls while Gabrielle picnics on the lawn with Bill)
      Carlos: Hey, hey, who's the dork?
      Gabrielle: Carlos?
      Carlos: What's with that cap? Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
      Gabrielle: Where the hell are you?
      (She looks around her and sees Carlos on Mike's frontporch, watching them as he drinks a beer. He waves at her)
      Gabrielle: What are you doing at Mike's house?
      Carlos: I live here.
      Gabrielle: What do you mean you live there? Since when?
      Carlos: Gabby, my car's been in the driveway for three weeks. Even you can't be that self-absorbed.
      Gabrielle: Well, as you can see, I have more pleasant things to focus on.
      Carlos: So when you gonna tell Jimmy Olsen there that you hate picnics?
      Gabrielle: I'm gonna hang up now.

    • Kayla: (to Lynette)Leave me alone! You're not my mommy!

    • Danielle: You hold on to your virginity. If Austin won't wait then he doesn't deserve you.
      Julie: I just don't want to lose him.
      Danielle: It's better than losing your self respect. Take it from a girl who's known at school as 'Little Miss Van De Tramp'.
      Julie: I thought you made that up?
      Danielle: Only because it was nicer than the other names they were calling me.

    • Carlos: Why would I send you flowers?
      Gabrielle: To sabotage my new relationship! (nods to Bill)
      Carlos: Oh, picnic boy? What do I care if you go out with him?

    • Carlos: (to Gabrielle) Gabby if I was gonna send you flowers I wouldn't send pink roses, I'd send you white orchids, because I know they're your favorite, and if I wanted to cheer you up… sunflowers, and for the flu, blue irises.

    • Bree: Now that we're all assembled I'd like to introduce the guest of honor. I hope you'll all be as delighted to meet her as I was. You can come in now.
      (Alma enters.)
      Bree: Everyone, this is Alma Hodge, Orson's first wife.
      (The ladies stare at Bree, then at Alma.)
      Bree: (to Susan) Oh, about that apology, anytime you're ready.

    • Florist: (to Gabrielle) What's to explain? A pretty girl gets flowers… do you know many girls never get flowers. I work in a flower shop, I've never got any freaking flowers, so stop your whining about who sent them and just be glad… he did.

    • Edie: I think Wisteria Lane is the place for you.
      Alma: Good. More than anything I just wanna fit in.
      Mary Alice: (narrating) Oh you will, Alma. You absolutely will.

    • Lynette: Well, gotta hand it to her. Just when you think Bree's thrown every conceivable theme party she hosts a Shame on you for thinking my husband killed someone dinner.

    • Andrew: Austin's not gay. Not even after three beers...Don't ask.

    • Alma: Bree Hodge? I'm Alma Hodge. I believe we have someone in common.

    • Alma: (to Orson) So, what is it with you and redheads?

    • Tom: I don't want you to be afraid to take a firm hand with Kayla. She is part of our family now and.. you know what that means.
      Lynette: Yeah! I should treat her as badly as I treat my own children.

  • NOTES (4)

    • International Episode Titles:
      Czech Republic: Žádné slzy, žádné spory, žádné sváry (No Tears, No Disputes, No Feuds)
      Slovakia: Keď dohody neplatia (When Agreements Do Not Apply)

    • Rachel Fox and Mark Moses submitted this episode for consideration in the category of "Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series" and "Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series" on their respective behalves for the 2007 Emmy Awards.

    • Dixie Carter receives the "and" credit as a guest star in this episode. However, she appears only briefly in the introduction and has no lines in this episode.

    • Marcia Cross is shown at a very high level throughout the episode to hide the fact that she was pregnant at the time they were filming the episode. You don't see much below her head & shoulders.


    • Episode Title: "No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds" is a line from the song "Together, Wherever We Go" from the 1959 Stephen Sondheim and Jule Styne musical "Gypsy."