When Christmas on Fairview ends with the shocks of Art being an actual paedophile and Alma Hodge being more than alive, then it should be demanded that the first episode based in 2007 of the series should run with this excellent reveal as oppose to a low key offering.
Luckily for us viewers any signs of treading water for the series are eschewed in favour of opening scene from “Listen To The Roof On The Roof” being retold in an interesting light. Instead of Alma leaving Orson because she lived in fear of him and his controlling ways, it turns out that she discovered his affair with Monique and wanted to leave him in a ruse to get him to want her. However it turns out that not only does Orson not care about Alma learning of his adultery but he point blank tells her that he loves Monique and not her within the slightest.
There are always those kind of people who think that if love isn’t there organically then manipulating certain circumstances such as a forced marriage and a convenient pregnancy will ultimately make the other person love them. Alma is one of those people and boy, didn’t she get quite the reality check when Orson told her where to effectively go.
However in the present day Alma shows up on Bree’s doorstep and while the latter’s reaction upon learning who Alma was is to more or less, you have to admit that Bree knowing that Alma is alive and well does help with her trusting her new hubby all the more.
Bree even goes to the extent of deciding that Alma’s presence in the neighbourhood is enough ammunition to heal that big old fight between her and Susan in “The Miracle Song” but like everyone else, Orson is suspicious as to why his former wife has chosen to resurface and despite her insistence, Alma isn’t as over Orson as she makes out to be as well.
This is made abundantly clear with her body language and mannerisms when she is reunited with her former husband in Bree’s living room and even more so by the episode’s ending when she buys a house of Edie in Wisteria Lane. This is the only thing Edie does in this episode as well, so that’s more or less noteworthy in it’s self.
With Alma taking up residency in Wisteria Lane it’s doubtful that she’ll have to do much to put the wind up Bree’s skirt and annoy Orson in the process. If she was over him, she would’ve gone after the dinner party fiasco but seeing as she’s in cahoots with Gloria, we’re gonna have to deal with her.
If you had hoped that Alma’s return would be the tonic to get Susan and Bree to put their differences aside, then it comes as a pleasant surprise that the writers decide to up the ante with their feud and after Susan’s theories on Orson are dismissed by Lynette and Gabrielle, she decides to take a more drastic course of action in order to be taken more seriously.
Yeah she decides to become a squealer and blabs to Detective Ridley about Orson’s affair with Monique which subsequently gets him arrested at Bree’s dinner party for the girls to meet Alma and it doesn’t take Bree any length of time to learn who ratted Orson to the cops, thus resulting in Susan being shunned by one of her closest friends.
Ian isn’t best pleased with Susan’s course of action as well as he did specifically point out that he would help Mike if she stayed from him, which Susan couldn’t as she had to tell him face to face that she couldn’t see him anymore after she told Mike that he was sorted for legal aid.
However even that little visit and piece of disclosure was enough to rattle Ian’s cage but Susan managed to get herself out of hot water when midway through their pretty dull argument she told the possessive Englishman that she loved him much to Ian’s delight, although I bet it will take significantly more than that for Susan to get back into Bree’s good books.
Speaking of Mike, seeing as he is the guy that has put two of Susan’s relationships through the ringer, all the stuff involving him this week as pretty peripheral. In other words, it’s the things that are happening to Mike rather than Mike himself that pushes the storyline along.
Mike can’t actually remember anything so he can’t confirm or deny whether or not he is responsible for Monique’s death and the only thing that is really interesting about his prison drama is the fact that Paul Young is subtlety reintroduced and is aware of Mike’s current plight.
From serious plights to teenage ones, we’ve all noticed that Julie and Austin have more or less been inseparable since being held hostage in a supermarket by Carolyn in “Bang” and while Susan is too distracted to further chastise Julie about her questionable taste in men, sex has become a dividing factor for the young lovers.
It’s a dividing factor because Julie isn’t exactly keen to lose her virginity to a guy who has had more slam pieces than his aunt has bonked random blokes in the last twenty years and while it’s nice that Austin doesn’t behave like a total dick when she says no, it’s clear that he’s not entirely pleased about not getting any from his new girlfriend either way.
A really cool thing about Julie’s dilemma and because it’s such a surprising rarity in this series is that when she needs advice on sex the only two people her age she can talk to are Andrew and Danielle and honestly, would you want sex advice from these two teenagers?
There’s Andrew who will sacrifice a relationship with a hottie like Justin to sleep with one of his mother’s boyfriends merely out of revenge and Danielle, who will basically sleep with anything that looks at her as her relationship with her history teacher earlier on in the series has taught us.
Either way these two misfits give Julie advice that is reasonably sensible. Although hypocritical, it was nice that Danielle told Julie to call the shots and not sleep with Austin because he demands it but at the same time, Andrew was perceptive to point out that if Austin isn’t getting it from her, he will get it somewhere else.
Unfortunately for Julie and even after she caves in and sleeps with Austin, Andrew’s little warning is more than true when it’s revealed that Austin is screwing around with Danielle and while you could expect both of them to disregard Julie’s feelings like that, it’s still a nasty shock after Danielle spent most of this episode acting like a decent human being. Here’s hoping Julie sucker punches the **** when she finds out.
When it comes to ****es they all come in different shapes, sizes and ages and Lynette quickly if she thought Nora was an antichrist out to ruin her marriage, then Kayla might be Satan herself as the little is determined to wreck Lynette’s head at every given opportunity as she sets to divide the Scavo household.
Kayla goes about her nastiness by destroying a doll Lynette gave to her in a botched attempt to make her feel welcome and even caused Lynette’s authority to be challenged with the Scavo spawn when she managed to get her meal and to watch TV at the same time.
However Kayla gets a lot more ambitious after Lynette tells Tom about the first two incidents and absolutely humiliates Lynette in an ice-cream restaurant so bad that Lynette has to bribe her not as demonic as they use to be sons into manhandling Kayla into the car in order to regain control.
The thing is though, this is one battle that is destined to not get quickly resolved because while Kayla could do without having her stepbrothers as enemies, she openly admits when confronted by Tom that she will never accept Lynette and Lynette’s reaction to hearing this confession is pretty heartbreaking to say the least but that’s kids for you – angels one minute, terrors the next!
In a lot of ways Kayla isn’t the worst in existence and her anger at losing her mother in such a horrible way is understandable and given that Kayla is aware of how Lynette felt about Nora, it’s hardly unrealistic that Kayla would choose her stepmother as a means of venting out her rage. I think in her circumstances most kids would too but that doesn’t mean for one second I think Lynette deserves to be punished for Nora’s death by Kayla because she doesn’t.
Although Tom is somewhat on Lynette’s side, Lynette is mainly going to have to grit her teeth and hope to sweet Jesus that Kayla gets over her anger sooner rather than later, otherwise I can predict that they will be much worse incidents that the ice cream parlour one in which Lynette’s quick thinking really will be stretched to breaking point.
Elsewhere Gabrielle and her love life continues to be the least interesting plot of the week but surprisingly enough, it isn’t an unbearable plot to really watch even if it doesn’t compete with Bree/Orson/Alma, Susan/Ian/Mike or Tom/Lynette/Kayla stories.
This week Gabby is kind of forced to accept that it’s probably a bit too early for her to go back onto the dating scene when her relationship with Bill grinds to a halt thanks to Carlos’ presence and a mystery bouquet of flowers which prove too much for both Bill and Gabby to handle.
Surprisingly Carlos and the mystery flowers are unconnected but it drives Gabrielle so mad that she has a mystery admirer that when the florist is unsympathetic (seeing as it’s Gabby, that’s pretty easy to do), Gabby just locks her up to find out and when Bill realises that she’s not really ready for dating again he dumps her.
It’s not as if Gabby is really heartbroken or anything because Bill’s more down to earth nature not only gives Carlos a source of amusement, because God knows he has nothing else to do but it also clashes with Gabby and her materialism and Gabby is never someone you could describe as down to earth and selfless but this episode did make me respect Bill more before he subsequently disappeared.
Anyways getting back to the mystery when Carlos is ruled out as a suspect, there’s a really great scene between him and Gabrielle where the both of them admit that they won’t be able to meet anyone who will match the other and for these two it’s a really effective and sweet moment between. That being said if Carlos really didn’t send Gabby the flowers, then who else did? John perhaps!
Also in “No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds”
Housewife of the week: I think the rewrite in the way Orson’s relationship with Alma is indicative to the way Kyle McLachlan’s performance and chemistry with Marcia Cross has affected the series.
Alma (re Monique affair): “Are you gonna deny it?”
Orson: “On the contrary, I feel like shouting it from the rooftops”.
We learned that Alma stayed in Canada with her Aunt Agnes. I have an Aunt called Agnes too.
Gabrielle: “Are you kidding? What could be more romantic? Back off you little ****”
Bill: “More wine?”
Parker (re Kayla): “I’m giving up my room. How much more nicer do I have to be?”
Lynette: “Nicer than that”.
What was Alma injecting herself with before dinner?
Mike: “You mean an ex I don’t even remember?”
Susan (re Ian): “I remember and that’s all for him”. Lynette (re Kayla): “She’s sad”
Parker: “I’m sad I can’t watch TV”.
I had to laugh at Andrew’s 3 beers/not gay remarks about Austin. Seriously Andrew you did better when you had Justin, remember?
Julie (re “Van De Tramp”): “I thought you made that up”
Danielle: “Only because it was nicer than the other names they were calling me”.
So Gabby is a fan of Orchids, Sunflowers or Blue Irises. At least she’s got some taste after all.
Gabrielle: “I’ll give you this; you’ll be a tough act to follow”
Carlos: “Back at you babe”.
Has anyone noticed the amount of Nissan sponsorships with most of the episodes this season? Talk about serious car plugging.
Alma: “I needed to find myself”
Gabrielle: “Would’ve been nice had someone found you first”.
Bree (to Susan): “Boy when it comes to Mike there’s no one you won’t betray”.
I think this is the second episode this season that actually featured the entire regular cast for the season.
Alma (to Edie): “I just want a place where I can fit in”
Mary Alice: “Oh you will Alma, you absolutely will”.
Chronology: January 2007 I assume.
“No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds” is a brilliant way to open up the 2007 era of the series and its also nice that the show doesn’t want to offer easy answers but unlike stable mate series Lost the mysteries aren’t testing viewers patience.