Desperate Housewives

Season 2 Episode 22

No One Is Alone

Aired Sunday 9:00 PM May 14, 2006 on ABC



  • Trivia

    • When Paul is arrested for Felicia's supposed murder, where is Zach? He is nowhere to be seen, yet he had to have been in the house when the police came.

    • Notice that when Lynette follows Tom to Nora's home in Atlantic City, the street lights are exactly the same as the street lights on Wisteria Lane.

    • When Susan asks Mike about the woman she saw him with in the movies, he says that it "was a one time thing", but in that episode, they are seen together in the movies for a second time, it's obvious from their different clothes. Clearly that scene was made to serve Mary Alice's line when she says "...some have let go of the right woman".

    • Error: When Susan is talking to Mike about him offering up his house to her and Julie, the bag Susan is holding alternates between scenes. Sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not.

  • Quotes

    • (After dropping keys due to her severed fingers)
      Felicia: Sometimes, I'm just all thumbs.

    • Paul (Upon discovering Felicia's severed fingers in his car): She's good!

    • (Susan turns on the recorder under her shirt and knocks on Edie's door. Edie answers the door eating a bag of popcorn. She tries to slam the door. Susan holds the door)
      Susan: No, Edie, wait! Um, I don't want to fight. I know that we've had our differences, but you know we had a friendship going on there and I just think we owe it to ourselves to talk about what happened.
      Edie: What's there to talk about? It happened. (she chews the popcorn as she talks) I walked down to your house. I had this watering can.
      Susan: What?
      Edie (muffled): I filled it with gasoline and boom! Laughed my ass off.
      Susan: Okay, wait, could you just swallow? 'Cause I couldn't really hear what you were saying.
      Edie: Well, that was basically it. One of the best days of my life.
      Susan: Well, see you were chewing and so I didn't really hear what you said. Could you just say it again?
      Edie: I burnt you house down and it was great. What do you want?
      Susan: So, uh, you then admit burning down my house. On purpose.

    • (Susan moves closer to Edie. Edie looks at Susan suspiciously.)
      Edie: You're wearing a wire, aren't you?
      Susan: Huh?
      Edie: Open that blouse!
      Susan: What? No!
      Edie: Open that blouse!
      (Edie rips open Susan's blouse and sees the microphone. Susan runs.)
      Edie: Ahhhhh! You can't outrun me, Mayer. I'm in the best shape of my life!
      Susan: Oh good. Then you'll be prime meat picking when you go to jail!
      Edie: You bitch!
      Susan: Bite me!

    • Edie: What do you want?
      Susan: Uh, this is a little awkward and I apologize in advance for how this is gonna sound, but any chance, did you burn down my house?
      Edie: Yes.
      Susan: What?
      Edie: Yes, I burnt down your house, you sleazy little whore.
      Susan: Edie! Why would you do that?
      Edie: Can you blame me after sending me that acid letter?
      Susan: Letter? What letter?
      Edie: The one where you admitted to stabbing me in the back by sleeping with Karl.
      Susan: You weren't supposed to get that! I stole that back from the mailman.
      Edie: So, you were trying to hide the truth from me?
      Susan: This is not what we should focus on right now. The point is you maliciously set fire to my house!
      Edie: Look, I admit I might have overreacted a tad.
      Susan: A tad? Edie, I have no roof! You can't just go around burning down people's homes!
      Edie: Why not? You burnt down my home! You stole Mike from me! You slept with my fiance! That's the trifecta! You're lucky I didn't torch your car!
      Susan: That's it! I'm going to the police and I'm telling them what you did!
      Edie: Did what? I didn't do anything.
      Susan: Wha--? You just confessed!
      Edie: No, I didn't. Did anyone else hear me confess? Hello? Hello? No witnesses. No evidence. No confession. I guess we're done here. You can go home now. Oh wait, that's right, you don't have one.

    • Susan: Okay, first let me say I'm really sorry about the yellowjackets. And also, no matter how mad I am about what I did, I don't want to see you go to prison. So, I came up with the solution. Why don't you just come forward and tell the police that you saw some vagrant lurking by my garage with a can of gasoline. And if you do that then I'll destroy the tape. And then the insurance company will pay the claim. Nobody gets hurt. Does that sound good?
      Edie: Come closer.
      Susan: Oh, ah.
      Edie: Take your stinking deal and shove it!
      Susan: Edie!
      Edie: Every time something bad happens to me you're standing nearby. Well, I've had it! No more pretending to be friends. When I get out of here, I'm gonna destroy you!
      Susan: Okay, I'm just gonna think that this is the meds talking and I'll come back tomorrow.
      Edie: Don't bother!
      Susan: Okay, Edie. I'm in trouble here.
      Edie: Oh, I'm sure you'll turn on the waterworks and the whole neighborhood'll come running. They always do.
      Susan: That's not true!
      Edie: Sure it is! You never miss an opportunity to play the victim! And you think just because everybody always comes to your rescue, it means that you're loved. Well, it doesn't. It means that you're helpless. Now get out. Just get out.

    • Bree: Hello. My name is Bree Van de Kamp and I'd like to admit myself for psychiatric observation.
      Receptionist: All right, what seems to be the problem?
      Bree: I think I'm about to have a nervous breakdown.

    • Matthew: Mom. Look, I know you're out there. Please, just talk to me. Mom, I need something to drink. Just some water, some juice, something, anything, please. (bangs on the door) Mom! You want me to say I set Caleb up. Yeah, I did it. I started thinking about all those years, years that we had to take care of him and I just thought maybe once he was gone, we could have a normal life. And I'm sorry. But Mom, you have got to let me out of here, now!
      (Betty gets up. With a crowbar, she bangs on the door.)
      Betty: You! You were willing to stand by and let me murder your brother without reason. It's an unforgivable betrayal! I am so consumed with rage, it's best you stay in there because if I let you out, I don't know what I might do to you!

    • Bree: Surprise!
      Danielle: What the hell is that?
      Bree: Isn't it darling? I made it for your party. It's a big one and a big seven, for seventeen!
      Danielle: Were you up all night making that thing?
      Bree: Yeah, I just wasn't tired. Oh, I want to show you what else I planned. I think you're gonna love it.

    • Gabrielle: Carlos! What's going on?
      Carlos: Xiao-Mei is feeling under the weather, so I took up the vacuuming.
      Gabrielle: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. So, uh, did you move my beauty products? They're not in the bathroom.

    • Lynette:Tom, it would be better for your general well-being if you did not laugh at this moment in time.
      Tom:Am I going to have to ruin the surprise? Because it's a really good surprise.
      Lynette:I'm thinking yeah, ruin it.
      Tom:I have been going to Atlantic City for business. I am up for a top spot with Jerry's firm, Huffington Promotions. And if you don't believe me, you can call the CEO himself.

    • Lynette: Atlantic City?
      Tom: Yeah, it's last minute, but Jerry got a great deal on a suite at one of the casinos and a bunch of the old gang is coming in from New York and, god, it's been forever since I have been so, how could I turn that down?
      Lynette: Yeah, how indeed.
      Tom: What?
      Lynette: I didn't say anything.

    • Bree: I think it's going to be a kick having Susan and Julie stay with us. It'll be like living in a sorority. We'll stay up late and we'll gossip and make s'mores. Doesn't that sound like fun?"
      Danielle: Why are you pretending to be happy? I heard you walking around your room all night long. Crying.
      Bree: I don't want to talk about it.

    • Carlos: We're gonna have a baby!
      Gabrielle: Oh.
      Doctor: You should know that since she's experiencing early symptoms, this might be a tough pregnancy for her.
      Carlos: Not a problem. We are gonna treat her like a queen!
      Gabrielle: Absolutely. You have nothing to worry about here.

    • Gabrielle: Fine, I'll learn to live without product. But when my hair starts smelling like hair, I don't want to hear a word.

    • Carlos: Do you have to be so high-maintenance?
      Gabrielle: You married a model, Carlos. Maintenance is my only skill!

    • Bree: You know what? Maybe Andrew leaving will be good for us. You are all I have left and I am going to be the best mother that I can be.
      Danielle: There's definitely room for improvement.

    • Xiao-Mei: She smell.
      Carlos: Who smells? Gaby?
      Gabrielle: Excuse me, what?
      Xiao-Mei: Her perfume make me sick.
      Gabrielle: Honey, it's a hundred bucks an ounce. That tends to make everyone a little nauseous.

    • Paul: I'm calling the police.
      Felicia: No need, I just needed to borrow some flour. I'm a little bit psychic and I predict fresh baked cookies in your future.

    • Mary Alice: It's a shocking moment for each of us. That moment we realize we are all alone in this world. The family we take for granted could one day abandon us. The husband we trust so implicitly might betray us. The daughter we love so deeply perhaps won't return to us. And then we could end up all by ourselves. Of course, some see great value in going it alone.

    • Mary Alice: Susan Mayer had always believed the one thing about hard times is that you get to find out who your friends really are. When her grandmother died, it was Bree who brought homemade cookies. When the critics panned her third book, it was Gabrielle who hired the handsome masseur. When her divorce became final it was Lynette who poured the scotch. Sadly, Susan's life had been shattered once again. But as always, her friends had come to help pick up the pieces. Yes, hard times were what Susan used to distinguish who was a friend and who wasn't.

    • Gabrielle: Susan. We've all been talking. We've decided that you and Julie should stay with Bree.
      Susan: Oh, thanks, but that's okay. We'll stay in a motel.
      Bree: Absolutely not. Just give me an hour or two to straighten up Andrew's room and then you can bring yourselves over.
      Susan: I don't deserve friends like you.
      Lynette: We're aware of that.

    • Bree: This cake is a symbol of my love!

    • (Bree has stopped Danielle's party because a candle has run out)
      Julie: Is she serious?
      Danielle: Welcome to my own private hell.

    • Lynette: What if I see him with another woman?
      Mrs. McCluskey: (takes Lynette's face in her hands) I own a gun...

  • Notes

    • Due to time constraints, the opening credits were cut.

    • Although they are credited, Richard Burgi (Karl Mayer), Shawn Pyfrom (Andrew Van De Kamp) and NaShawn Kearse (Caleb Applewhite) do not appear in this episode.

    • In one scene, Gabrielle is reading "Maxim" magazine, of which Eva Longoria was on the cover in January 2005.

  • Allusions

    • Episode Title: The title "No One is Alone" is take from a song in the 1987 Stephen Sondheim musical "Into the Woods."

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