Given that this show loves to add the odd cautionary tale, it seems this week on Wisteria Lane our main them is all about feeling safe and sound because after all, you may not who would be out to get you.
Just ask Mike, who this week due to his sketchy memory on Monique has become a target for his inmates to test out their pulverising skills. Mike’s a clever enough man to prepare some homemade weapons so when he gets attacked five minutes into the episode; he has something to defend himself with.
Well in theory anyway as he mostly gets the living daylights beaten out of him and normally it might take a lot to take on Mike but even he isn’t enough to take all his inmates in one go. Lucky for him, Paul Young is kind enough to offer his services in Mike’s defence and general welfare then.
Of course this is Paul Young and while Mike may not remember him, Paul isn’t afflicted with amnesia and more or less the same grudge he had with Mike in the last two seasons, so it’s a bit of a non shocker when a prison guard informs Mike that new best friend Paul is not to be trusted as he was giving wads of cash to Mike’s assailants.
To be honest I’m not really sure what Paul is trying to achieve with Mike or if prison life is so boring that head tripping Mike is a means of amusement so unless there’s a significant reason as to why the writers have brought him back when we really didn’t Mark Moses on the show, then I don’t really know if or why I should care about this plot more than I have to.
That kind of reasoning can also be applied for the return of Mike and Paul’s wayward son Zach, who is the second case of “why is he back again?” in this episode. However with Zach the writers have given us a reason for his return, just not a very thrilling one by any stretch of the imagination.
If you were worried that Gabby’s mystery stalker/admirer plot was going to be dragged out longer than necessary, then the reveal is forwarded well enough to inform that Zach is the new guy who’s desperate enough to get to know the materialistic housewife all the better. This naturally enough serves as a major disappointment for Gabby who was expecting someone dramatically less gawky and deranged but gives Carlos something to smug at while everyone else’s reaction is probably WTF? Well I don’t know about you but it’s certainly anyway.
Zach’s identity is revealed after an incident involving an expensive dress gets Gabby to force Carlos to return back to their house and a delivery man is coerced into revealing that Gabby’s stalker/admirer is someone from her past. Gabby’s disappointment when in a posh restaurant and her new man is revealed to be Zach is pretty funny even though he makes a point of being pleased with the fact that she’s wearing the very dress that he’s bought her.
A lot less crazed than the last time we’ve seen him, Zach’s return is odd but it needs to be pointed out that no amount of cash takes away the fact that he’s just a gawky kid pursuing a woman who is more than out of his league.
Actually if I’m being honest, his attraction to Gabrielle couldn’t be anymore forced if the writers didn’t try hard enough and why on earth would he bother keeping tabs on her since leaving Fairview is contrived. I can’t believe I even have to write about a storyline I have zero interest in involving two whose attraction to each other I can’t fathom either.
Although Gabby protests that nothing will happen between her and Zach, you just know that she **** and that soon enough the silly woman will succumb to him because essentially money is what turns Gabby on and Zach is the only person paying enough attention to her that has the kind of cash to please. At least Carlos’ one liners in regards to Gabby’s cradle snatching antics will keep me amused.
Talking of expense, when is Tom Scavo going to realise that he’s crap at hiding secrets from Lynette, no matter how hard he tries? Chances are Kayla will be popping out kids of her own before Tom dawns on that realisation. Seriously though, how long has he been living with Lynette to realise that she’s not the kind to let sleeping dogs’ lies and so forth?
He drew suspicion on himself this week when after receiving praise for his progress in the restaurant, he then was stupid enough to let Lynette see the actual place and short of boarding up all the windows and doors, it would take a lot to keep Lynette away.
So Lynette does what every suspicious person does and waited until the coast was clear and decided to snoop around the place and while she’s impressed with the place she once labelled a “burner downer”, it’s her brief but effective talk with Andrew that provide a spark.
Not only is it great to have these two share a scene together but it also takes Andrew very little to slip the fact that Tom hasn’t got a liquor licence for the business which will more or less kill his venture before it even has a chance of taking of and as a hardened businesswoman Lynette is quick to point out that too.
The things I love about Lynette is her determination to get what she wants and it’s even better when her ulterior motives aren’t entirely selfish so her method of getting enough signatures from the neighbours even going to the extent of letting some randy old guy named Harry see her rack doesn’t necessarily bother me.
It slightly bothered Tom who was quick enough to figure out that Lynette saved his bacon and once again he mused about feeling inadequate until Lynette used the promise of sex to allay his fears after denying him sex earlier on in the episode to punish him. See how sex can be used for punishment and relieving of fears?
Well Julie and Austin as now that they’re doing it like bunnies, Julie is so determined to not become a teen mom or catch and STD that her and Austin badger a reluctant Edie in buying them birth control pills while keeping Mother Hen Susan in the dark about Julie’s new found sex life.
Unfortunately due to Gabrielle being the old cynic she is and a crafty detective, Susan quickly discovers about Julie and Austin going all the way and uses this as a great moment to take the moral high ground with Edie and like her, I think Susan is overreacting to a certain degree. After all, Julie is sleeping with one person, not half of her class and has even taken responsibility.
However Julie getting deflowered gets put on the back burner when Susan and Edie discover that Austin is also screwing around with Danielle and Susan is left with the crappy task of telling Julie that her boyfriend is a cheating creep which surprisingly Julie actually believes. At least Susan does one motherly thing by consoling Julie after dishing out the unpleasant news.
Elsewhere Alma’s presence in Wisteria Lane is making the Hodge clan very jumpy as while Edie seems to be the only one Alma has talked to in the neighbourhood, Bree and Orson are more than a bit too anxious to get rid of her even to the extent that when Orson jokes about killing her, Bree laughs about the idea.
However budging Alma is easier said than done and Bree’s attempts of using the fact that Alma’s home may be haunted does more to goad Edie than it does Alma, who ironically jokes about how people don’t come back from the dead, something which Alma’s presence kind of contradicts.
Orson doesn’t fare much better himself as his more tactile method only demonstrates that not only has Alma been in Fairview in a short space of time but already she’s adept at using blackmail and threatens to call the police if Orson kills her hope of them getting back together again and even Orson can beat her at that.
However one finale visit from Bree reveals that Alma might not be so innocent herself when in her floorboards a picture of Monique and Orson and a bag of teeth which I will assume also belong to Monique are found, which means once again, Orson looks good in my book so Alma can threaten all she likes because I still think Orson may be an innocent in all this.
Also in “Not While I’m Around”
Housewife of the week: The weeks it was all our main ladies united in the common bond of securing themselves and their homes. There was Susan with a baseball, Bree with a gun, Lynette with an alarm, Gabrielle with some pepper spray and Edie with a measly chain on her door.
Gabrielle: “Hi, you’re staying at my place tonight”
Carlos: “What did you have in mind?”
So we learned once again that Gabrielle hated her singleness yet we saw her with another man before she was freaked with the mystery dress.
Tom: “So we’re not having sex tonight?”
Lynette: “You banned me from your opening”.
It turns out that Alma has moved into the Applewhites and also knows about Mike’s hit and run from Gloria. How the hell would Gloria know that?
Susan: “A condom alone will not protect you”
Julie: “Yeah I totally agree”.
Edie (to Bree): “There’ll be groans from your house if you don’t knock if off”.
No Opening Credits this week which meant the episode was a little bit longer but honestly it’s an annoying thing with ABC.
Julie (re Susan): “She started screaming ‘sex kills’”
Edie: “And she puts this on my lap”.
Gabrielle (to Susan): “First rule of ransacking, know where everything goes back”.
How cool was it that Gabby deduced where Julie would hide her birth control pills, although she loses marks in thinking that Sophie Bremmer might have been a strict mother.
Lynette: “Shouldn’t you be working?”
Andrew: “Shouldn’t you not be here?”
Lynette: “Touché”.
Gabrielle: “I’m waiting for someone”
Zach: “I know, so the dress fits? Cool!”
I wonder besides Andrew who else is on Tom’s employment list. Carlos looks like he use the both the cash and distraction at this point.
Waiter: “How old are you?”
Zach (giving him money): “Oh say, a 100”.
Zach: “Please, can you please just take me seriously?”
Gabrielle: “I can’t”.
Facts about Harry: He was a former Croupier and clearly has a thing for the ladies. He’s also one of those characters you could see returning at some point.
Harry (re Lynette’s rack): “Completely worth it”
Lynette: “Glad you thought so”.
This was yet another episode to feature virtually every regular character as both Ian and Gloria are recurring ones.
Tom (to Lynette): “I get it we’re a team, just don’t hit me again”.
Susan: “We hope to wait for our children to have sex after we’re dead”
Julie: “And you wonder why I didn’t come to you”.
Chronology: None was specifically made.
Easily one of the weaker episodes of the season mainly due to both Paul and Zach’s seemingly pointless returns but while it’s not a brilliant episode, you’d still be hard pressed to really complain that much about it.
Episode Fan Reviews (16)
