Desperate Housewives Season 4 Episode 14

Bree: Orson's car is still parked at my house. Did he mention when he'd be coming back to pick it up?
Edie: Why don't you ask him yourself? He's in the shower.
Bree: He spent the night here?
Edie: Apparently, he's not a big fan of Fairview Towers, and he was so drunk and whiny I just let him ride my couch.
Bree: Well, just so you know, in the future, I'm not comfortable with that. This...can't happen again.
Edie: Bree? What are you getting at?
Bree: Well, I think you know.
Edie: Tell me anyway, just in case you're not saying I'm a big slut!
Bree: Come on, Edie! You know, Carlos, Mike, Karl... You do have a way of picking at other women's leftovers.
Edie: First of all, I am not attracted to Orson. I mean, that would be like...having sex with PBS. And second, just because I don't like your attitude, I'm gonna let him stay for as long as he wants.
Bree: Edie...
Edie: Days, weeks, months, might even let him hang my Christmas lights.
Bree: Come on, Edie! Think of our friendship!

Susan: It just seems that everything is so fragile right now, which is not the way you want it to be when you're about to have a baby.
Karl: So you're worried you might be having a kid with an unreliable guy. I get it, you did that once before.
Susan: Yeah, that guy was the worst.
Karl: Wasn't I though? I cheated, drank too much, I made that play for your cousin. Anyway, I lied about every bit of it. At least Mike is trying to be honest.
Susan: I know. I just wish I could fastforward through my life and see that everything ends up okay.
Karl: Hey, don't tell the plumber this but he's a good guy. I think he's gonna be there for you in a way that I never was.

(Mike and Susan walk into the Lamaze studio)
Mike: I told you we'd be overdressed.
Susan: There's nothing wrong with that. It shows our respect for Lamaze and, you know, the whole birthing process.
(Mike takes a look around and spots Karl)
Mike: Or, that your ex-husband's here.
Susan: Karl? Is he here? What a freakish-
Mike: Don't even bother. Why didn't you just tell me?
Susan: Cause I knew you would make us switch to another class. Last time I was here Karl kept throwing his perfect life in my face and I just wanted to come back here and show him that we were doing well, too.
Mike: Hence the sport coat.
Susan: "Hence", that's classy. Say a lot of "hence" when we see him.
Mike: Susan, I'm not gonna lie about who I am.
Susan: I'm not asking you to lie, I'm just saying spin. Why won't you spin?
Mike: I don't know.
(Karl spots them)
Karl: Hey, plumber. Somebody clog a toilet?
Mike: (to Susan) I'm in.

Katherine: I just need to go spy on my daughter.
Bree: Ah, the key is to keep one car between your and hers at all times. Have fun.

Mary Alice: (end voiceover) The word "welcome" always carries with it a certain amount of risk. After all, to let someone into your home is to let them into your life. And we never know what sorts of horrible secrets they carry with them. We can't foresee the painful effect they might have on our loved ones. We don't anticipate the gossip that could result from their presence. Yes, we must be very careful with those we invite into our lives because some will refuse to leave.

Mary Alice: (intro voiceover) It happens in every marriage. Couples accumulate lovely things, things that make a house a home but, when the home is broken, these things must be divided. The most dignified way to do this is for each spouse to keep what is most important to him and Bree and Orson Hodge were nothing if not dignified. (scene plays out) In any separation, it's only fair that each spouse gets to keep what is most important to them. That's how Bree Hodge got to keep her pewter cat and Orson Hodge got to hold onto his freedom.

Susan: Did you have to tell Karl about rehab?
Mike: You said I didn't have to lie.
Susan: Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to go blurting all our deepest darkest secrets.
Mike: It's not dark, it's part of who I am. Plus one of the first things they teach you in the program is that it's not healthy to keep secrets, hence the honesty.
Susan: Uh, enough with the 'hence'. I'm just saying that some things are private and I think that you can be honest without being inappropriate.
Mike: When I said it his wife congratulated me. Did you notice that?
Susan: And Karl made his happy-monkey face. Did you notice that?
Mike: You know what, Susan? (holding up his chip) This reminds me of the battle I have to fight every day for the rest of my life. That's what's important to me. I don't give a rat's ass what your ex-husband thinks.

Edie: Alright, hop in.
Orson: No, please, don't make me go back there, the other divorced men are trying to start a book club.

Karl: (to Susan) So your husband's been in rehab, that's just bananas.

Karl: So how's things going? You still spend most of your time with your head under a sink?
Mike: Actually, I hired a couple of guys, and they do all the work, I just sit back a cash the checks, hence the sport coat.

Kayla: (to Lynette) We heard you and daddy talking about how Rick wanted to take you away. Porter was so mad he wanted to blow Rick up, Preston told him he could use dynamite, I told them that was stupid, no one has dynamite in their house; but everyone has matches.

Gabrielle: Earlier tonight I saw a guy coming out of Elle's room so I assumed it was her boyfriend, but just now I caught her in there with another guy.
Carlos: Okay, so we have two tramps living in our house.
Gabrielle: That was for the useless comment, wasn't it?
Carlos: Mm-hmm, and it felt good.

Ellie: I just hit the bank so... do you take cash?
Gabrielle: Oh no! I love cash. Cash and I go way back.

Mike: (to Susan) Ugh, never watch a C-section film if you had a calzone for lunch.