Welcome to Wisteria Lane.
"My name is Mary Alice Young. When you read this morning's paper you may come across an article about the unusual day I had last week. Normally there is never anything newsworthy about my life but that all changed last Thursday. Of course, everything seemed quite normal at first. I made breakfast for my family, I preformed my chores, I completed my projects, I ran my errands. In truth I spent the day as I spent every other one, quietly polishing the routine of my life until it gleamed with perfection. That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet and retrieve the revolver that had never been used."
Mary Alice kills herself.
"My body was discovered by my neighbor, Mrs. Martha Huber, who had been startled by a strange popping sound. Her curiosity aroused. Mrs. Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced. After some initial hesitation she decided to return the blender she had borrowed from me six months before."
Martha rings the door bell but nobody answers. She goes to the back of the house and looks through the window and sees Mary Alice dead on the floor. She screams and starts running home. She called the police and told them to come as fast as they can.
"And for a moment, Mrs. Huber stood motionless in her kitchen grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy. But only for a moment. If there was one thing Mrs. Huber was known for, it was her ability to look on the bright side."
On the blender there is a sticker that says "Property of Mary Alice Young" she removes the sticker and returns the blender to her kitchen shelve.
"I was laid to rest on a Monday. After the funeral all the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their respects. And, as people do in these situations, they brought food."
"Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken. Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken. Of course, she didn't cook much while she was moving up the corporate ladder. She didn't have the time. But when her doctor announced Lynette was pregnant, her husband Tom had an idea. "Why not quit your job? Kids do better with stay at home moms it would be so much less-stressful." But this was not the case. In fact Lynette's life had become so hectic she was now forced to get her fried chicken from a fast-food restaurant. Lynette would have appreciated the irony, if she stopped to think about it, but she couldn't. She didn't have the time."
Lynette goes to the funeral with four of her kids, two twin boys, and a boy and baby girl. They are fighting and Lynette tells them that she can't be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood and she tells them that she has Santa's cell phone number and if they don't behave well she will call him and tell him that they want socks for Christmas.
"Gabrielle Solis, who lives down the block, brought a spicy paella. Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed a taste for rich food…and rich men. Carlos who worked in mergers and acquisitions proposed on their third date. Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes, but she soon discovered that this happened every time Carlos closed the big deal. Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot. However her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler."
Carlos tells her that he wants her to mention to one of his business partner casually how much he paid for her diamond necklace. She tells him that she can't and he tells her that she found a way to tell that she slept with half Yankee's outfield. She starts to yell a little bit and he tells her to calm down. They want to look happy.
"Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch. Bree was known for her cooking, and for making her own clothes, and for doing her own gardening, and for reupholstering her furniture. Yes Bree's many talents were known throughout the neighborhood, and everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as a perfect wife and mother. Everyone that is, except her own family."
She comes to Mary Alice's house. She tells Paul, Mary Alice's husband, and Zachary, Mary Alice's son about the basket. She tells them that the basket with red ribbon is filled with deserts for guest and the one with the blue ribbon is only for them. She tells them that she will need the baskets once they are done. Her husband is in shock because of that.
"Susan Mayer, who lives across the street, brought macaroni and cheese. Her husband Karl always teased her about her macaroni, saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook and she rarely made it well. It was too salty the night she and Karl moved into their house. It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Karl's shirt. She burned it the night Carl told her he was leaving her for his secretary. A year had passed since the divorce. Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life, even one who would make fun of her cooking."
Julie, her daughter asks her why someone would kill themselves. Susan tells her that sometimes people are so unhappy that they think that suicide is the only way out. She tells that Mary Alice always seemed nice and Susan tells her that people pretend to be one on the outside but they are totally different from the inside.
Susan is at Mary Alice's house and she goes to the table where the five of them used to play poker. Now Lynette, Gabrielle, Bree and Susan are there but only Mary Alice isn't. Susan pours herself a coffee and remembers of one moment.
She flashes back to the moment where the five of them had a conversation at that table. Susan tells them that Carl told her that the sex with the secretary was just sex and nothing else. Bree tells that that is the reason she joined the NRA so Rex can now that he had a wife at home with loaded gun. Lynette tells that she doesn't worry about her husband because he got her pregnant three times in four years. Susan is very desperate. Mary Alice tells her that everyone has moments of desperation but when they face them that's when they find out how strong they really are.
Bree's voice brings Susan back to reality. Susan tells the girls that she is mad at Mary Alice. There was obviously a problem and she didn't tell them. Gabrielle tells her that she was having the normal life. Susan knows that something is wrong. Paul overhears the conversation and he is acting suspicious.
Mike Delfino just moved in the next door and he tries Susan macaroni and cheese and she tells him that they are awful and in fact they are. They talk a little bit. He tells her that he is plumber and she illustrates books for children.
Martha Huber tells Lynette who is breast feeding her daughter Penny that her boys are out of control. They are swimming in the pool. Lynette is shocked and she finds out that they planned all of this because they have their swim suits on. She told them that they could go by the pool and tells them to get out. They tell her that she can't stop them. Everyone is in shock and stare at Lynette. She asks one person to hold Penny for her and she goes with all dress into the pool to catch them. She catches them all and then all wet takes Penny and leaves the house. She tells Paul once again that she is so sorry for his lost.
"Lynette shouldn't have been so concerned about my husband. He had other things on his mind. Things below the surface."
"The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbors quietly went back to their busy, busy lives. While some did their cooking (Lynette tries to give breakfast to the kids) and some did their cleaning (Bree cleans the bathroom) and some did their yoga (Gabrielle does yoga in front of her house) others did their homework."
Julie "accidentally" shot the ball over Mike's house and she comes to his place and asks him to search for it.
Julie comes home and tells Susan that his wife died a year ago and he moved here because of too many painful memories. Susan is a little bit angry but Julie tells her that she is so into him. Susan tells her that she is not ready to move on and start dating. Julie asks her how long has it been since she had sex. Susan tries to remember and tells her that she doesn't want to talk with her about her love life. Julie tells her that dad and his girlfriend talked about her and they think that Susan didn't have any date and then they started to laugh.
Susan brings some flowers to Mike. That is a little special welcome gift she made for him. He tells her that she is the first one to drop by. "Susan knew she was lucky. An eligible bachelor had moved onto Wisteria Lane and she was the first to find out, but she also knew that the good news travels quickly."
Edie Britt brings some food special. "Edie Britt was the most predatory divorcee in a five block radius. Her conquests were numerous (seduces the plumber), varied (seduces her tennis coach), and legendary (seduces the priest). Susan had met the enemy and she was a slut." He tells them that he is in the middle of something but they have their businesses to attend to. "And just like that the race for Mike Delfino had begun. For a moment Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly." Edie tells Mike that she has a pipe problem and tells him to come to her place tonight and he says that it won't be a problem. "But she was reminded when it came to men women don't fight fair."
Carlos tells Gabrielle that Tanaka is expecting everyone's wives to be at the party. She tells him that every time she is around that man he tries to grab her ass. Carlos tells her that he made over two hundred thousand dollars working with him so if he wants to grab her ass she will let him. Carlos goes outside the house and yells at John, the teenage gardener because the bush he wanted removed was still there. Gabrielle walks outside too and tells Carlos that she really hates the way he talks to her and he tells her that he hates that he had spent 15 000 $ on her diamond necklace that she couldn't live without. He wants her to come to the party tomorrow. She tells John that the bandages are in the kitchen because he scratched himself on the bush. She tells Carlos that she will go to the party and he goes away.
John is in the kitchen and Gabrielle starts kissing him. She seduces him and they have sex on the table.
Van De Kamp's are having family dinner. Danielle asks Bree if she can make some normal soup like onion soup. Bree tells her that she can't because Rex is deathly allergic to onion. She asks Andrew about the dinner and he says that it is OK in sullen tone. She tells him that she had spent three hours making the dinner. He tells her that she can make some normal dinner with cans and beans and such things. She asks Andrew if he is doing drugs because his behavior is horrible. She tells Rex to say something to Andrew and he just says: "Pass the salt".
"Three days after my funeral, Lynette replaced her grief with a much more useful emotion, indignation." She calls Tom on the phone and threatens him because he didn't return any one of her calls. She is talking on the phone and meanwhile twins go wild in the supermarket out of her sight. She starts to look for them and encounter Natalie Klein her business friend from company. She tells her that she will be running the place by now if she hadn't quit. She asks her if the mom is the best job on the world. "And there it was the question that Lynette always dreaded. For those who asked it only one answer was acceptable, so Lynette responded as she always did. She lied." Lynette tells her that it is the best job ever. At that moment twins push one old lady.
Gabrielle and Jon are in bed together. He asks her why she married Carlos and she tells him that he promised to give her everything she ever wanted. And he did give her but it turns out that she wanted all the wrong things. John asks her if she loves him and she tells him that she does and then John asks her why are they here and she tells him that she doesn't want to wake up one morning with a sudden urge to blow her brains out.
Susan is preparing to ask Mike out to dinner and she is extremely nervous. She finally goes and tries to ask him but Edie is there and then she tells Mike that she has a pipe problem. Mike tells her that he will come right away but Susan tells him that he has company. Edie smiles and tells her that she doesn't mind it. Susan rushes home and wants to put something into the pipes but nothing is working and finally she puts Julie's school project in there (a bunch of Popsicle sticks).
Van de Kamp's are at some funny place having dinner. Rex tells the kids to go to play the arcade. They go and then he tells Bree that he wants the divorce. Bree is in shock and she picks his plate and goes to bring him salad. Martha Huber is there and just when Bree starts choosing the salad she comes and asks her how she is. " Bree longed to share the truth about her husband's painful betrayal, but sadly for Bree, admitting defeat was not an option". She tells her that everything is just fine. She returns and gives Rex the salad. She was distracted and she put onion in there. Rex passes out.
Zack is awakened by some strange sound. "The sound that awakened my son was something he'd heard only once before, many years ago when he was quite young, but he recognized it instantly." Paul is in the empty pool and he is digging something there. "It was the sound of a family secret."
"Seven days after my funeral life on Wisteria Lane finally returned to normal which, for some of my friends was unfortunate." Lynette tries to control her kids and then one of the twins comes and tells her that daddy is home. Tom just came from the business trip and he bought the kids the football ball. He tells them to go outside and practice it for twenty minutes. He and Lynette go upstairs to have sex. She tells him that she has some problems and doctor took her of the pills so he will just have to put on the condom. He tells her that it is not a big deal and to risk it. She is in shock and punches him in the face.
Rex and Bree are at the hospital and he thinks that she tried to kill him. She tells him that Martha distracted her and she made mistake. Rex tells her that she never makes any mistake. She is so damn perfect and he is sick of it. She goes to the bathroom because the flowers need some water. "Bree sobbed quietly in the restroom for five minutes, but her husband never knew, because when Bree finally emerged she was perfect."
Gabrielle and Carlos prepare to go to the dinner and he notices that lawn hasn't been mowed. They are at the party and Carlos goes to talk with Tanaka. She tells then some waiter to be around Carlos with a lot of drinks all night long and gives him a hundred bucks. She then goes home and mows the lawn by herself with the engine. Gabrielle returns to the party and he is half drunk and still talking with Tanaka. In the morning he notices that the lawn is perfect.
Susan encounters Martha at the local supermarket. Martha tells her that she had the worst macaroni and cheese at the wake and now she has a stomach problem. She tells her that Edie's son is spending the night tonight because she has a gentleman over for a dinner and she is planning on entertaining him into the late hours.
Susan rushes out of the supermarket and comes home. She is sad that Mike chose Edie over her. She goes to Edie's place to borrow some sugar. She rings the door bell but nobody answers. She goes on the back door and enters the house. It is all covered with candles and she sees the panties and bra and hears them upstairs having sex. "And just like that, the possibility Susan had clung to, the maybe of Mike Delfino was gone forever." Susan sits on the sofa to rest a little bit and she throws the bra over her back. But she threw it on the candle and it is caught in fire. Soon everything is on the fire and she rushes out of the house but she left her measuring cup for sugar there.
Everyone is on the street looking at the house. Susan is with her friends and Lynette says that the guy got too much of a smoke and he is in the hospital but Edie is all right.
"And suddenly there he was like a phoenix rising from the ashes. " Mike asks Susan what happened and she tells him just a little bit of fire and that everything is all right. "And just like that Susan was happy. Life was suddenly full of possibilities "
"Not to mention a few unexpected surprises." Mike is at his home and he calls somebody and tells that he is getting close and puts his gun away.
"The next day my friends came together to pack away my clothes my personal belongings and what was left of my life." They share a toast to Mary Alice. Gabrielle wants to see some pants and she finds out that it is eight not six as Mary Alice always said. Then they find a latter and Gabrielle opens it. They are in shock and it says: "I know what you did. It makes me sick. I'm going to tell." She got the letter the day she killed herself.
"I'm so sorry girls I never wanted you to be burdened with this.
Susan just says: "Oh Mary Alice what did you do?"
Written by vukcevic