Desperate Housewives

Season 2 Episode 23

Remember (1)

Aired Sunday 9:00 PM May 21, 2006 on ABC
out of 10
User Rating
377 votes

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Episode Summary

Flashbacks (featuring special guest star Steven Culp) take us back to moving-in day on Wisteria Lane for Bree, Lynette, Susan and Gabrielle and how Mary Alice brought them all together. Also, in other flashbacks we are taken back to the day Melanie Foster was murdered. Back in the present, Bree gets some frightening news. Susan moves into a trailer after her house was burnt down. Lynette and the kids are staying at a hotel. After seeing a report on the news, Gabrielle believes Carlos died. Paul begs Zach to get him a good lawyer via Noah.moreless

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  • loved it

    i really loved this episode of desperate housewives all the flashb acks were great i really loved all the women meeting eachother for the first time and it was great to see mary alice back on the screens agian after a season away the storylines were also good this week i loved the lynetter stuff that nora seems like she is going to cause alot of trouble the applewhite stufff also quickend the pace although that stoyline has been pretty weak so im glad that it will be over and never to returnmoreless
  • Los recuerdos son la mejor forma para entender el pasado.

    Poder ver la historia que crearon juntas estas esposas desesperadas de Wisteria Lane le da un toque muy fresco al programa que ya se necesitaba. Susan desde el comienzo mostró ser un bulto de sal. gabrielle hermosa, radiante y muy egoista. Lynette muestra lo perfecto de su matrimonio. Y Bree nos muestra como es ser una controladora total. Las apariciones especiales de Rex se agradecen, porque es un personaje muy querido por la audiencia y sigo sintiendo que su salida fue demsasiado temprana, pero bueno la seria ha podido continuar. Por fin el martirio de los Applewhite se está empezando a terminar.. por fin.moreless
  • Mary Alice flashes back to moving day on Wisteria Lane.

    Remember is one of my most favorite episodes of Desperate Housewives. I thought that it was very well done. All of the flashbacks were great, and I really enjoyed seeing Brenda Strong in some actual scenes, and I really liked how she did the narrations. I especially enjoyed her delivery of the end narration. Brenda definitely did a very good job in this episode. I found the shocking twist about who really killed Melanie Foster to be very interesting, and I didn't see it coming at all. That twist really made up for the second season mystery not being as suspenseful as the first season. I have to say that I really liked Nora in this episode. I thought that she was very funny. I thought that all of the housewives did a very good job of acting in this episode, especially Marcia, Eva, Felicity and Brenda. All in all, this was an outstanding episode, and it's definitely one of my all-time favorite Desperate Housewives episodes.moreless
  • great

    summary of what happened in the past 6 months and we have a background of Orson... What happened to Danielle??? The episode didn't even include saying where she had disappeared to... And Julie?? she's not in the season premiere?? cleary the writers are focusing more on the adults now... The opening sequence is rather cute, showing what is happening to the various characters simultaneously.. Mike has now been in a coma for 6 months due to a hit-and-run by Orson, who is now engaged to Bree. Little does Bree know that he killed his wife because she was going to leave him! He was a control FREAK and his ex-wife realised that she could not live that kind of life anymore, and decided to leave. However, on the day that she decided to, Orson had come home just after leaving for work because he suit had a stain and had come home to reprimand her for it.. He ended up killing her and then cleaning up the whole house with bleach.

    The only person to know the truth is the neighbour, whom nobody believes. Sad but true...

    Let's see how long it takes for the truth to surface, and if Mike ever wakes up and gets his revenge..moreless
  • I met Desperate Housewives on the day when 1st episode was aired... :P

    Thank God it wasn't just a boring flashback episode. OK, it was, but the new scenes were put in and some juicy details were revealed.

    And the most interesting parts were the ones when Mary-Alice says: "I met --name of the housewife-- on the 1st they moved to Wisteria Lane." Oh, and ha ha ha, the funniest ones were Susan and Bree. And OMG, I can't believe what happened between Lynette and Tom. I can't wait to see what will happen in the next episode...moreless
Joy Bisco

Joy Bisco

Melanie Foster

Guest Star

Julie White

Julie White


Guest Star

William Atherton

William Atherton

Dr. Barr

Guest Star

Gwendoline Yeo

Gwendoline Yeo


Recurring Role

Kyle MacLachlan

Kyle MacLachlan

Orson Hodge

Recurring Role

Bob Gunton

Bob Gunton

Noah Taylor

Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (5)

    • When Susan locks herself in the moving truck, she asks Julie to unbuckle herself. Clearly in the shot before, when Susan walks into the truck, Julie is getting up from her strawler.

    • Mike does not find out for sure that he is Zach's father. He only assumed so as he found out that it was Deirdre's son. What Mike doesn't know, but Zach does is that they have the same rare bloodtype.

    • Right after the opening credits, when the moving van arrives and a chair falls out of its back, you can see a hand quickly disappearing inside the van, suggesting that the chair was being thrown out by force.

    • Tom Scavo is the second character to find out he had a child he didn't know about---at the end of the first season, Mike Delfino found out that he was the biological father of Zach Young.

    • It is revealed, that it was not Caleb who killed Melanie Foster, but Matthew.

  • QUOTES (60)

    • Julie: (About the RV) So, is there anything you should prepare me for?
      Susan: No, no. It's all good. Oh, but you should know that your bed doubles as the dining table, and the toilet's in the shower.

    • Melanie: And out of nowhere, he just attacked me.
      Matthew: My brother's never been violent. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you.
      Melanie: But he did.
      Matthew: Let me just take you home.
      Melanie: This has been pretty traumatic for me. I think that you should come over for the next few days so we can talk it out.
      Matthew: We broke up, Mel. It is not my job to hold your hand.

    • Lynette: Let's suppose your husband begged you to get pregnant, begged you, and out of the goodness of your heart, you agreed, even though it might derail your career. You agreed to a baby. A baby, singular.
      Tom: Lynette, we've just met these people.
      Lynette: Then, then you go in for an ultrasound, and you hear two heartbeats. Then, and only then, does your husband tell you that twins run in his family.
      Tom: I didn't think it was that big a deal!
      Lynette: Your family had eight sets of twins over three generations, not to mention your relatives in Kentucky with triplets! Triplets! So I ask you, do I not deserve to punish this man severely?
      Susan: Well, actually, I think that twins are genetically determined by the mother.
      Lynette: What are you, a scientist?
      Susan: No. No, I write children's books.

    • Mary Alice: We all met Lynette Scavo the day she moved onto Wisteria Lane. We quickly decided she would be our friend, mostly because we were afraid to have her as an enemy.

    • Susan: Oh help! Can anybody hear me? Julie? I need you to try to unlock the door. Oh, what am I saying, she's two. Okay, I need you to unbuckle yourself and try to find a neighbor. But don't cross the street! Just tell the neighbor that your mommy's stuck in a big truck!

    • Mary Alice: Everyone must choose the road they will take in life. And for a special few, that road would lead to Wisteria Lane. They all arrived the exact same way. Driving up in their overloaded trucks, bringing with them their expensive antiques and ordinary dreams. I remember the first moment I saw each of them. I met Susan Mayer the day she moved to Wisteria Lane. She seems so delightfully confident, I couldn't help but feel intimidated. That feeling quickly passed.

    • Mary Alice: It's a fact of life in every neighborhood. People move in and people move out. Although very few of them pack up and leave at two o'clock in the morning. But it wasn't the first time that Betty Applewhite had tried to leave in the middle of the night. It had happened once before in Chicago. The same night one of her sons tried to break up with his girlfriend. A young woman named Melanie Foster. Yes, a year had come and gone since the Applewhite's had left Chicago. And Betty thought they could again slip away in the middle of the night. But as she soon discovered, it's not that easy to slip away in the suburbs. Because in suburbia, once the neighbors hear you are going, they all insist on showing up to say goodbye.

    • Gabrielle: Xiao-mei, do you have a second? This is probably silly, but it's been bothering me. When you said, "please don't kill him," did you mean Carlos?
      Xiao-mei: Ralph dead, not Mr. Solis.
      Gabrielle: I know. It's just you said, "kill," not "dead." and I'd have to do be pretty angry to kill someone, so I guess my question is, do I have a reason to be angry at Mr. Solis?
      Xiao-mei: Please, so much laundry.
      Gabrielle: did you rip your panties?
      Xiao-mei: I fall down.

    • Attorney: Is there anything I can do?
      Zach: Yeah, get me a new phone with a different number. And fill in this stupid lake.

    • Zach: Hi, dad.
      Paul: So, did you have any luck with your grandfather?
      Zach: Yeah, I talked to Noah. He's not gonna give us the money.
      Paul: Damn it,Zach!
      Zach: Sorry?
      Paul: Go back and talk to him.
      Zach: No, I, I don't think he's gonna change his mind.
      Paul: Terrific. Am I gonna see you tomorrow?
      Zach: No, I, I can't come tomorrow.

    • Attorney: Mr. Young, you'll need to come up to the house to sign some legal documents.
      Zach: What for?
      Attorney: Noah Taylor's will called for an immediate transference of his entire estate to you upon his death.
      Zach: So everything's mine?
      Attorney: That's correct.

    • Bree: I can tell by your tone that you don't believe me.
      Dr. Barr: Bree, let's talk about this in my office.
      Bree: I don't have time for therapy, you quack! Now let me out of here! Let go of me! You idiot. Let go of me! You know I committed myself voluntarily! You can't do this to me! No!
      Dr. Barr: Bree, please, don't struggle.
      Bree: If anything happens to my daughter, so help me, god...
      Dr. Barr: We're only trying to help.

    • Bree: You let go of me right now!
      Dr. Barr: Hey, hey! What's going on here?
      Bree: I am trying to leave, and these morons won't let me. Do you know that you can be arrested for kidnapping and for detaining someone?!
      Dr. Barr: Why do you need to leave?
      Bree: Because my daughter is in danger.
      Dr. Barr: Something happened at cheerleading camp?
      Bree: Okay, there's no camp. That was a fib on my part. I found out that she ran away with a boy and the boy is a murderer.

    • Betty: Bree, hi. It's Betty. I'm sorry to leave this on the machine, but the police have evidence that implicates Matthew in the murder of Melanie Foster. We have to find them, Bree. We have to find them and get Danielle back.

    • Susan: What's the catch?
      Karl: There's no catch. It's yours, Susie. Yours and Julie's. No strings attached.
      Susan: I can't accept this. I just I gotta get out of this mess on my own.
      Karl: This is not charity. I owe you... for everything I've done over the years, for all the heartache I've inflicted on you. Consider it payback.
      Julie: Mom! There's a pool and a jacuzzi!
      Karl: At least no one can drive off with it while you're sleeping, huh?

    • Carlos: Hey, what are you doing?
      Gabrielle: Trying to have sex with you.
      Carlos: Now? Babe, it's kind of late.
      Gabrielle: You don't wanna have sex with me? You always wanna have sex with me. You wanted to have sex with me an hour after your hernia operation.
      Carlos: I'm a little preoccupied. A good man died today. Don't take it personally.

    • Carlos: Hey, babe, we haven't tried it in the kitchen yet.
      Gabrielle: Honey, uh, I think it's time to unpack the pants.
      Carlos: Right. It's nice to meet you ladies.
      Mary Alice: Let me guess newlyweds?
      Gabrielle: Four months, and I've dressed like this for two of them. He's insatiable.

    • Bree: Hello?
      Gabrielle: Hi, there.
      Mary Alice: I'm Mary Alice. This is Susan, uh, Lynette and Bree.
      Susan: Welcome to the neighborhood.
      Gabrielle: Well, I am Gabrielle Solis.
      Lynette: Would it be better if we came back at another time?
      Gabrielle: Oh! No, no. I was... just changing out of my sweaty clothes. I didn't realize moving was such great cardio.

    • Mary Alice: We met Gabrielle Solis the day she moved to Wisteria Lane. We were all excited to get a glimpse of a successful New York model.

    • Zach: Well, you said all of this was gonna be mine, so when do I get it?!
      Noah: Empire is a highfalutin word, but that's what I've built. Unfortunately, an empire can only be ruled by an iron fist and a strong gut. I wanted to give it to you, Zach,
      but I'm starting to have my doubts about you.
      Zach: So what? Are you cutting me off?
      Noah: I don't have any use for weakness. Get out.
      Noah: What, are you gonna kill me? Prove you're a tough guy? See? That's why I can't give you the keys to the kingdom, Kid. No balls.

    • Zach: Look,I know it's an expensive car, but I need one, so can I get the money?
      Noah: You're a lousy liar, kid. I read the papers. I know what happened to your father. My guess is he's in the market for a fancy lawyer to get him some rich man's justice.
      Zach: Please.
      Noah: Paul Young put Deirdre in a box. My daughter. Your mother, so we're clear, I don't write checks to monsters.
      Zach: Why can't you just give me the money? You're dying. You don't need it. I do.

    • Lynette: Guys? Could you come here for a second? We need to have a serious talk. Okay, we have had a great... vacation, but tomorrow we're going home, except we're not going to our home. We're gonna go stay with Grandma.
      Porter: Is dad gonna be there?
      Lynette: No, dad is not gonna be there, but he--he is gonna come and see you guys all the time. We are still
      gonna be a family. It's just... we won't be living in the same place anymore. there any questions you wanna ask me?
      Porter: Can we go swimming now?

    • Bree: Um, we, uh, just came over to introduce ourselves, but we can, um, do that at another time.
      Tom: No, wait. Please stay. It's okay. We're okay. We're okay, right? Honey, we don't wanna freak out the new neighbors.
      Lynette: I'm sorry that you saw my panic attack. I won't let it happen again, especially since this is my last pregnancy.
      Tom: Right. You're the boss. I'm just your love slave.
      Susan/Mary Alice: Aw.
      Lynette: Well, don't encourage him.
      Tom: Honey, clearly, our new neighbors see that you have been gifted with a phenomenal husband.

    • Lynette: Hi.
      Tom: Hi.
      Mary Alice: Hi, uh, we just wanted to come welcome you to the neighborhood.
      Bree: Um, but we could come back later.
      Lynette: Yeah. No, wait. Actually, wait. This is perfect. You know why? Because we need some impartial judges.
      Tom: Lynette...
      Lynette: Let's suppose your husband begged you to get pregnant-- begged you--and out of the goodness of your heart, you agreed, even though it might derail your career.
      You agreed to a baby. A baby, singular.
      Tom: Lynette, we've just met these people.

    • Betty: It's not Caleb's.
      Detective: You can try and deny it, but...
      Betty: No, you don't understand. That jacket belongs to my other son.

    • Dr. Barr:You know, Bree, I can't force you to open up to me, but I can make it easier for you to focus on your problems.
      Bree:And how are you going to do that?
      Dr. Barr:I'm going to tell the orderlies to confiscate all your personal items.
      Bree:I committed myself voluntarily.
      Dr. Barr:When you signed those papers I became responsible for your well-being, and I will help you
      in any way I see fit.
      Bree:I don't need that much help, because I am not like your other patients.
      Dr. Barr:Oh, sure, you are. You just don't know it yet.

    • Dr. Barr: It says here your husband died, you had a boyfriend who killed himself, and you suffer from alcoholism. That's a lot of trauma for one year. What about your kids?
      Bree: Oh, they're fine. Andrew is backpacking through Europe, and Danielle is away at cheerleading camp.
      Dr. Barr: What's your relationship with them like?
      Bree: What do you mean?
      Dr. Barr: Are you close? Do they share things with you?
      What do you feel about them?
      Bree: You know, I really don't have time for this nonsense. Are you going to give me some serious drugs or not?
      Dr. Barr: No.
      Bree: Fine. Then I'm going back to my room.

    • Dr. Barr: You must find that very peaceful.
      Bree: Why would you assume that?
      Dr. Barr: Because that's all you've been doing for three sessions. I still don't know anything about you, except that you rake in remarkably straight lines.
      Bree: Is that what you're doing, asking me all those ridiculous questions about my childhood, trying to get to know me? Well, here's a clue. I'm not crazy. I just have a few issues.
      Dr. Barr: And psychotherapy is how we help you deal with those issues. What kind of treatment did you think you were going to get?
      Bree: Honestly, I was hoping that you'd medicate the hell out of me.
      Dr. Barr: You don't need anything stronger than what I've already prescribed for you.

    • Carlos: For God sakes, Gabrielle, Ralph just died, and you're worried about my feet? I mean, what the hell is wrong with you?

    • Gabrielle: Well, Carlos, they had your name.
      Carlos: Oh, no. poor Ralph.
      Gabrielle: Oh! Why is your back all sweaty?
      Carlos: I was working out on the treadmill.
      Gabrielle: Barefoot?

    • Carlos: Hey, babe. Why you home so early?
      Gabrielle: Oh, honey! Oh, you're not dead!
      Carlos: Who said I was dead?
      Garielle: The police. They called me.
      Carlos: What are you talking about?
      Gabrielle: Honey, they didn't know all the details, but a witness said that they saw you run into the carpool lane to pick up a lawn chair that had fallen off some truck, and then a bus hit you right in front of the road crew. Why aren't you at the road crew?

    • Xiao-Mei: Mrs. Solis! Why you home?
      Gabrielle: Carlos is dead, Xiao-mei.
      Xiao-Mei: No, please don't kill him.
      Gabrielle: No, you don't understand. He's already dead.
      There was an accident. He's all over the highway.
      Xiao-Mei: No... he in kitchen.

    • Newsman Craig:(on TV) Jim, it was just an hour ago that the road crew working here on Route 57 saw a member of their own killed by oncoming traffic. The victim was a Hispanic male in his early forties, who, for years, was a prominent businessman in the area. Police aren't releasing a name until the next of kin can be notified. We, of course, will keep you updated...

    • Tennis Pro: You've got a great swing. You just need a little help around the greens. You know what they say drive for show, putt for dough. Am I right?
      Gabrielle: That is so true.
      Tennis Pro: All right. I'll see you out there.
      Gabrielle: Okay.

    • Karl: What the hell is this?
      Susan: Karl, what do you want?
      Karl: Well, I can't believe you're forcing our daughter to live in a house with wheels. I think we need to talk about this.
      Susan: It's temporary, and if you don't mind, I'm having coffee
      Mike: Oh, it's okay, Susan.
      Karl: Hey, sorry. I don't mean to chase you out, buddy, but, uh, this is really a family thing.
      Mike: No, no, I understand.
      Karl: Cool.

    • Sally: Boy, do I feel for you. Trying to convince your friends that you're still normal, and you're surrounded by a bunch of loons.
      Bree: You, too?
      Sally: Oh, please. Dr. Barr goes out of his way to make me feel like a complete psychopath. I think he's crazier than the patients, actually.
      Bree: You know that, um, that woman in the wheelchair? What's her story?
      Sally: Yeah, she's a kooky one. She hasn't spoken a word since she got here. She just sits there all day long waiting for your friend to come and visit. He talks to her for hours, but I don't even think she can hear him.

    • Bree: What are you doing here?
      Orson: Well, three or four times a week, I visit my--my friend. What about you?
      Bree: Oh, I just thought it would be a lovely place to take a nice, long rest.
      Orson: Oh.
      Bree: Um, listen, I told my friends that I was, um, I was at a spa, so if you run into Susan, I...
      Orson: Your secret is safe.
      Bree: And seriously... (lowers voice) I am not like these other people.
      Orson: Oh, I can tell. A real lady always stands out in a crowd.
      Bree: Well, that was... very sweet.
      Orson: Enjoy your rest, Bree Van de Kamp.

    • Orson: Bree?
      Bree: What?
      Orson: You're Bree Van de Kamp, right?
      Bree: Do I know you?
      Orson: Orson Hodge. Uh, Susan's dentist friend. We met after her house burned down.
      Bree: Oh. I'm so sorry. I didn't recognize you.
      Orson: Small world, huh?
      Bree: Yes. Uh, excruciatingly so.

    • Rex: Feel free to be harsh.
      Mary Alice: Um, No, I'm... I'm good.
      Bree: Well, now that we've finished with all this unpleasantness, I want to assure you that we are going to be good neighbors, and I hope in time, great friends.
      Mary Alice: That sounds... lovely.
      Bree: (to Andrew) Come on.
      Mary Alice: Oh, wait. I'm--I'm sorry. It was Rex, Andrew and... what was your name again?

    • Bree: This is my husband Rex.
      Rex:Hi. We're not weird. We just seem like we are.
      Bree: And this is my son... the criminal. Go on.
      Young Andrew: I'm sorry I stole from you. Just so you know, my mom did teach me right from wrong, so my actions should in no way influence your opinion of her as a parent.
      Susan: Wow.
      Bree: Well, is there anything you'd like to say to my son?

    • Susan: Hey, what's going on?
      Mary Alice: Oh, um, this is our new neighbor. It seems her son accidentally took my garden frog.
      Susan: Oh.
      Bree: Please don't make excuses for him. That is exactly what his father does. Rex!

    • Bree: Hello. I'm Bree Van de Kamp, your new neighbor. Is this your frog?
      Mary Alice: Yes. Why?
      Bree: Well, it seems that my son stole it from your yard.
      Mary Alice: Oh, well, I don't mind. If he likes it so much, he's welcome to keep it.
      Bree: Well, don't tell him that. If he doesn't feel guilty he'll never learn shame.

    • Mary Alice: I met Bree Van de Kamp the first day she moved to Wisteria Lane. There are certain people, who, when you meet them, can't help but make a delightful first impression.

    • Paul: You have to talk to Noah.
      Zach: But he creeps me out.
      Paul: Who cares? This is my life we're talking about. I need a big-time lawyer in my corner, and where else are we gonna get that kind of money?
      Zach: Noah's not gonna give me a dime if he knows it's for you. He hates your guts.
      Paul: Tell him it's for you. Tell him you want a car. Tell him you're ready for him to buy your love. Trust me, dying men are nothing if not sentimental.
      Zach: Why do you need so much, anyway? I thought only guilty men needed expensive lawyers.
      Paul: Felicia has obviously been planning this for months. Who knows what other kind of evidence she's planted? With my luck, they'll open up the Martha Huber murder again, try to nail me with some D.N.A.
      Zach: You swore to me that you had nothing to do with that.

    • Lynette:Hello?
      Susan:was just here. I think you should call him.
      Lynette:I can't. I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't.
      Lynette:Yeah. Hang on. I'll call you later. Okay, bye.

    • Tom: Susan, have you talked to Lynette.
      Susan: Uh, no. Have you tried her cell?
      Tom: Yeah, she isn't picking up. Do you know where she is?
      Susan: Oh, no, I'm sorry.
      Tom: Susan, I think you do.
      Susan: Really don't, Tom. Is everything okay?
      Tom: Yeah. Yeah, we just had a fight. Listen, if you talk to her, will you please ask her to call me? Thank you.

    • Carlos: Would you look at this crap? He has been doing that all day.
      Gabrielle: Ralph has a little crush. So?
      Carlos: So can't I get a gardener who isn't trying to sleep with someone in my house?
      Gabrielle: You pay six bucks an hour. it's all about the perks, honey.

    • Gabrielle: Honey, look. I bought us matching golf outfits for our lessons tomorrow.
      Carlos: Yeah, about that—I can't go. I gotta pick up trash on the freeway.
      Gabrielle: I'm sorry?
      Carlos: I have to do my community service. It's part of my parole, remember?
      Gabrielle: Oh, okay, well, I'll just call the country club and cancel our lessons.
      Carlos: No, no, no. I am...I paid already. Might as well go without me.
      Gabrielle: I don't wanna go alone. It was your idea in the first place.
      Carlos: And I'd love to be there with you, too, if I didn't have to scrape slushies and condoms off Route 57. Look, what's the big deal? Just go take the stupid lesson.
      Gabrielle: Fine, if you feel that way about it. Hey, I'm sorry. I'm just a little on edge today.

    • Susan: Oh, hi. I have a normal baby.
      Mary Alice: I'm Mary Alice. I live across the street.
      Susan: Susan Mayer. Thank you so much. If my husband had to rescue me, I just, I would have never heard the end of it. He thinks I'm a total klutz.
      Mary Alice: Oh, please, that's what neighbors are for. Well, welcome to Wisteria Lane. When you're finished unpacking, why don't you come over for a cup of coffee?
      Susan: Oh, wow! I have a neighbor who just asked me over for coffee. I'm sorry. You must think I'm a lunatic.
      Mary Alice: Oh, no, no, I don't. I think you're charming. And your baby looks like a genius to me.
      Susan: Oh, she is and we're gonna be so happy here. (gasps to Julie) Look at your new home.

    • Mary-Alice: We met Gabrielle Solis the day she moved to Wisteria Lane. We were all excited to get a glimps of a successful New York model. We saw more than we bargained.
      (Gabrielle appears between cardboard boxes in bikini and Carlos enters the room.)
      Carlos: Honey, we haven't tried it in the kitchen yet.
      Mary-Alice: Let me guess? Newlyweds?
      Gabrielle: Four months and I've been dressed like this for two of them.

    • Mary Alice: We all met Lynette Scavo the day she moved on to Wisteria Lane. We quickly decided she would be our friend. Mostly because we were afraid to have her as an enemy.
      (Tom and Lynette are arguing loudly.)
      Lynette: This is perfect because we need some impartial judgement. Let's suppose your husband begged you to get pregnant, begged you and out of the goodness of your heart you agreed to a baby. Even though it might derail your career, you agreed to a baby. A baby, singular! Then, then you go in for an ultrasound and you hear two heartbeats, then and only then does your husband tell you that twins run in his family. So I ask you: do I not deserve to punish this man severely?
      Susan: Well, I think that twins are genetically determined by the mother.
      Lynette: What are you?! A scientist?!

    • Rex: We're not weird, we just seem like we are.

    • Carlos: Can I get a gardner who isn't trying to sleep with somebody in my house?
      Gabrielle: You pay six bucks an hour. It's all about the perks, honey.

    • (Susan has Julie blindfolded)
      Julie: You're not going to walk me into a wall, are you?

    • Mary-Alice: I met Susan Mayer the day she moved to Wisteria Lane. She seemed so delightfully confident, I couldn't help but feel intimidated. That feeling... (shot of Susan falling down into the truck and locking herself up)... quickly passed.

    • Bree (to Mary Alice and Susan): This is my son, the criminal.

    • Susan (to Carl): Oh no, no, no. You turn my house around!

    • Bree: You don't understand. I'm not crazy . . . I just have a few issues.

    • Gabrielle: Xiao-Mei, how did you rip your panties?
      Xiao-Mei: I fall down.

    • Julie: (upon seeing the RV trailer she is going to live in) Why are you doing this to me? I get good grades. I don't do drugs. I've never come home pregnant...

  • NOTES (1)

    • Even though they are credited Nicollette Sheridan (Edie Britt) and Shawn Pyfrom (Andrew Van de Kamp) do not appear in this episode.