-
Mary Alice: Yes, everyone loves a scandal no matter how big or small. After all, what could be more entertaining than watching the downfall of the high and mighty? What could be more amusing than the pubic exposure of hypocritical sinners? Yes, everyone loves a scandal. And if for some reason, you're not enjoying the latest one, well, the next one is always around the corner.
-
Maisy: I've been abandoned. I guess that what happens when you become the town whore.
Bree: Oh sweetie, they didn't abandon you because you're a whore. They abandoned you because you weren't that nice to begin with.
-
Lynette: I don't get it. I don't get who would pay Maisy for sex.
Gabrielle: Obviously someone who is not getting it at home. (Bree is silent)
-
Rex: Everybody's staring. Bree, it's humiliating.
Bree: Well, you should have thought of that before you left a personal check on Maisy Gibbons' nightstand.
-
Mary Alice: Throughout even the most respectable of neighborhoods, you can hear the sound of scandal. Some scandals announce themselves with a shout. Some with a whisper. And some with bang. And once in a great while, there comes a scandal so deliciously sordid, its roar drowns out all other noise. Yes, the scandalous arrest of Maisy Gibbons would soon prove to be the shot heard 'round the world.
-
Gabrielle (to Carlos): Why do I have to wait? It's my port-a-potty!
-
Edie: (to Susan) So, what are we looking for, exactly? An embroidered pillow that says "I killed Martha Huber"?
-
Edie: I was just about to give a Maisy Gibbons update.
Lynette: Guys, we should be ashamed of ourselves for reveling in that woman's misery. That being said, Edie, please continue.
-
Edie: My necklace! Oh, you know, I lent this to Martha three months ago, and she said that it went down the drain. Oh, I miss how we used to steal things from one another.
-
Gabrielle: As I see it good friends avoid each other after being humiliated, but great friends pretend nothing happened in the first place.
-
Susan: Every time we went out for pizza you could have said, "Oh, and by the way, I once killed a man." Or when you said, "Hey, let's go jogging," you could have said, 'Wow, by the way, I once killed a man.' Every time we went to the movies and the hero shot the bad guy you could have turned to me and said, 'Oh, by the way, I did that once.' You didn't!
-
(when Lynette is getting all the lice out of their hair)
Porter: Can we see what lice looks like?
Lynette: Sure. (shows it to them)
Lynette: See it looks like a sesame seed.
-
Bree: (to Gabrielle) Good friends offer to help in a crisis; great friends don't take no for an answer.
-
Susan: Do you believe in evil Edie?
Edie: Of course I do, I work in real estate.
-
Bree: Rex, if you walk out of this restaurant, I will scream.
Rex: Bree...
Bree: I will scream... about your cruelty. Then I will scream about your infidelity. And just to make sure it really hurts, I will scream about your distasteful sexual habits. You want to know what true humiliation is, you just take one step.
