Two Birds With One Stone
Written by Marc Cherry And Joe Keenan
Directed by David Grossman
10
"Perfect"
Mary Alice: “Yes, Orson Hodge had always assumed that his life would flash before his eyes the moment before he died. Luckily for Orson, that moment was not scheduled for today”.
Imagine one of the goofier cold opens of an episode of Six Feet Under in reverse and in some ways that is more or less how Orson survives dropping nearly ten stories, along with the help of some conveniently placed trees. The slow motion could have killed the suspense of Orson’s fate but oddly it didn’t.
With Orson alive, Mike doesn’t have to worry about being involved in another death that wasn’t his fault even if he isn’t jumping from the rooftops when Carlos tells him that he survived quite a fall. I like that Carlos is actually being a friend to Mike as opposed to just sponging off him and I probably should’ve mentioned that in a few reviews beforehand. It seems on the other hand, Orson might be in short supply of people on his side because not only is Andrew still doubtful of his innocence but it takes very little convincing for Bree to start wondering whether or not she’d hooked herself another psycho and after all the stuff that Orson has told her, you can’t blame her for having concerns that anyone in their right mind would have too.
Bree’s doubts even extend to her telling Susan how she can exonerate Mike, which obviously thrills Ian even more than Susan. Just kidding – Ian is still jealous of Mike and when there’s a mix up between Mike and Jane’s belongings, Ian uses it to his advantage but I’ll discuss that a bit later into the review.
With everyone doubting Orson, we the audience really don’t have to because in less than three minutes into the episode, Monique’s killer is revealed to be Gloria and in fairness with the crazy **** she’s been pulling, is anyone that surprised? I wasn’t but because I had already guessed it was Gloria that didn’t mean that this plot didn’t get better and better because it certainly wasn’t lacking solid drama.
So how did dear old Gloria do in her son’s mistress? Well Watson after too many episodes of The Sopranos, Gloria just bashed Monique’s head with Mike’s wrench and hid as Orson got rid of the plumber. It’s a good thing that Mike did leave when he did or else there would’ve been two graves being dug up that night. You could just imagine what Gloria’s warped little mind was thinking as Orson was obviously trying to get Mike out of there.
Killing Monique is bad enough but aside from the woman sleeping with Orson, Gloria really had little to no incentive to do her in as not only did Orson admit his affair to Alma but he was also delighted when she was leaving and also, what the hell did Orson’s marriage have to with his mother anyway?
Not content with also killing an innocent woman, Gloria used emotional blackmail to stop Orson from calling the cops on her ass and even pulled Monique’s teeth out so she couldn’t be identified via dental records and trust me, Orson wasn’t the only one disgusted with the sheer callousness of his mum’s actions.
This has to be the moment in which Orson truly hated his mother because while they always seemed to have a tempestuous relationship, I think when Gloria slipped into Monique’s grave and put her hip out, Orson seriously had to stop himself from burying her alive. I kept hoping he would because Gloria is one evil ****
Also Gloria is the very reason as to why Orson had a spell in a psychiatric hospital and had issues with suicide because even though we know pretty early on that Orson wasn’t responsible for his father topping himself all those years, Gloria made sure that he was made to feel as if it was his fault and that is a seriously rotten thing to do to another person. Orson clearly loved his father even if Gloria eventually went on to hating him.
The flipside of having his life saved is that Orson’s history is used by the doctor’s as an incentive to keep him in hospital and away from Bree. The doctors jumped to the assumption that he was trying to kill him and Orson refusing to open up about his past didn’t help matters for him, especially when Gloria decided to broaden her horizons and inflict more of her special brand of misery with both Alma and Bree as recipients.
All those weeks ago, Alma and Gloria were as thick as thieves plotting to separate both Bree and Orson and going to the lengths as date rape and blackmail were no problem to either of them. These actions have made them dislikeable but effective and at the end of the day, effective is what really counts and as fans of the series, you’re unlikely to forget these two for a while to come.
However things quickly soured when Alma finally realised that she could carry a baby and Orson still wouldn’t want anything to do with her and so she decided to give up, only for Gloria to lock her up in her own home. Although Alma doesn’t get redemption at least she maintained her stance about giving up on winning Orson back when Gloria more or less mentioned how she would deal with Bree.
Showing a conscience Alma managed to find a window and got out of her window, hopefully to warn Bree but sadly for Alma, Danielle’s inability to hear someone calling for a minor distance and slipping off her own roof proved to be her undoing.
It’s funny that Orson can fall out of a hospital roof and survive with a few scratches but Alma fell from a much smaller height and she’s done for. Don’t worry I don’t plan to shed tears for Alma but it is further proof that being associated with a Grade A nut job is seriously bad for your mortality but even if she is the Angel of Death, Gloria’s luck has just ran out.
Making Orson believe he was to blame for his Dad’s death when she was the real killer (like that’s surprising) and offing his mistress were bad enough but trying to kill Bree after causing her that accident with the ladder last week was third time unlucky and boy, short of getting Dexter Morgan onto her, I did enjoy Gloria’s comedown in more ways that one.
She very nearly got there with drugging, trying to drown and slit Bree’s wrists and she was able to dispatch of Andrew with a quick belt of a golf club and even put up a fight with Orson but at the end of the day, Gloria’s arrogance because her undoing.
Not only did Orson save Bree and assaulted Gloria but the evil hag got a stroke so severe, she’s virtually paralysed and Orson takes great pleasure in not only promising Bree that him and her will have the honeymoon they promised over half a season ago but also in telling Gloria that she can no longer control his life.
As a comeuppance goes, Gloria’s is pretty sweet and while I would’ve preferred that she had died a violent death and hope she never recovers from her state, the fact she no longer wields power of Orson is great for him and everyone in his life and it’s nice that Alma’s death is used as a means of giving the police a killer for Monique and freedom for Mike. The only question now is what else can be done with Orson and Bree because as a couple I seriously want them to go the distance.
Unlike Ian, who I would prefer to take a plane back to London and maybe never return. Insecurity motivates people into doing rash things and Ian nicking the very engagement ring that Mike had for Susan and then proposing to Susan in front of Mike speaks volumes about Ian as a person. Of course Susan makes it worse by accepting and asking like a spoiled brat when Mike refused to tell her about his beef with Orson. Wake up, Susan you can’t have it both ways!
If Ian’s proposal didn’t make you want to hurl then one I guarantee will having reaching for the sick bucket is Zach trying his luck with Gabby. Tom might need to put some form of a rule in his restaurant – no proposals or cheating revelations!
Yeah, the whole Gabby and Zach thing trundles along this week when Gabby thinks she’s slept with him but can’t remember and she can’t necessarily dump him because Zach is clever enough to use emotional blackmail on her by mentioning Mary Alice. Um, Gabby do you think one of your formerly alive friends would be happy that you’re dating his son? I don’t think so either!
However Gabby always has a Plan B and that involves Carlos trying to scare Zach into dumping her but when Carlos finds out in his own unconventional way that Zach only lied about sleeping with Gabby, she more or less has the incentive to dump him guilt free, thereby putting an end to Cody Kasch’s pointless reappearance this season because after all being alone is more appealing than having Zach Young as a lover.
There’s also a wonderful moment between Gabrielle and Carlos that makes me understand why so many viewers ship them as a couple. It’s a bit like the one they had in “No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds” because Carlos more or less tells Gabby that moving on from her is hard and her response, though not entirely sensitive does indicate that she needs and maybe wants him more than she believes she does.
The least interesting part of this episode this week is the opening of Tom’s pizza parlour and the anxiety that follows it with Lynette getting the wrong order of chairs and being forced to improvise when she isn’t ensuring that Austin pulls his weight and trying to undermine delivery men.
Although the pair do make up during the opening with a sense of genuine feeling between them, you do have to wonder why they are working together. This was one minor mix up but if something serious happens, then how will Tom handle it and similarly what will Lynette do to help rather than dictate?
The opening is a predicted success but the only person outside of the Scavos who deems a speech is Edie in a priceless moment where she delights in Tom’s food and Austin not getting fired and luckily for us, Edie is set to get more to do in the next nine weeks because as fun as her little moment here is, I’m sick of Nicolette Sheridan not getting as much to do as the other housewives, even if this season has given Edie a few storylines.
Also in “The Little Things You Do Together”
Husband of the week: This week we got Orson’s POV on the night that Monique died, coupled with him surviving that fall.
Orson (re Monique): “I loved her”
Gloria: “And I lost someone I loved once, thanks to you”.
I just noticed that this is at least the third episode in a row told from a male perspective, which is cool given that next week will be all about the men of Wisteria Lane.
Tom: “You were hitting people”
Lynette: “Only two and the mailman has the good taste never to bring that up”.
Carlos: “Orson’s gonna pull through or would you rather he didn’t?”
Mike: “No”.
We learned that Orson was in a mental institution when he was 16 back in 1976, making him at least 47 in the present. We also learned his father cheated on Gloria, suffered public shame and developed depression as a result.
Gabrielle (re her “night” with Zach): “At least I think we did. That’s what he told me”
Carlos: “Weren’t you there?”
Gabrielle: “Where are you going?”
Carlos: “To warn the Scavo boys”.
Isn’t it slightly annoying that when both Zach and Paul reappeared this season that Mary Alice was either pretty non-vocal about them expressed no personal love or concern or opinion about their actions?
Tom: “What can I say, Lynette, it is what it is”.
I noticed the nurse who didn’t believe that Susan was Mike’s girlfriend in “Nice She Ain’t” had nothing to say to her when she and Ian went to collect Jane’s stuff. I’m surprised we haven’t seen Nurse Heisel this season though.
Andrew: “For once in your life can’t you be responsible?”
Danielle: “I liked you better when you were a psychopath”.
Did anyone else want to bop Danielle when she said she was meeting Austin for booze? The girl clearly doesn’t care that she hurt Julie.
Mike: “It’s complicated”
Susan: “It always is with you”.
Edie (to Tom): “You did it; there are a lot of people in this room that didn’t think you could pull it off. Okay, well maybe just me. Anyway, congratulations! The pizza is excellent and the service is sublime. Cheers!”
Not to be dense but has Tom actually given his place a name? He didn’t mention one once during the opening of the place, which I found pretty strange.
Lynette: “I think what my husband is trying to say is if you want to test a marriage, open up a restaurant”.
Gabrielle: “Well hold in there as long as you can because I still need you”
Carlos: “I’ll do my best”.
I had to laugh at how Carlos was able to convince that Gabby that Zach didn’t sleep with her after all. Ricardo Antonio Chavira pulls of the comedics pretty well.
Gloria: “I think I’m having a stroke”
Orson: “You need an ambulance, Mother. Too bad there’s no-one here who would even dream of calling you one”.
Chronology: Mere seconds after “I Remember That”.
“The Little Things You Do Together” is written like and most definitely comes across as a season finale as well as a sweeps episode. The entire Monique saga is nicely wrapped and dare I say that the resolution is far more satisfying than either the Mary Alice or Applewhites saga were? It’ll be interesting to see what’s in store for the remainder of this season.