Silent Fright
Written by Bob Daily
Directed by Larry Shaw
9.0
"Superb"
Susan: "Mike is innocent; I know that in my heart"
Bree: "We all have convictions, Susan. I believe Mike's last one was for manslaughter".
Yep, you heard correctly our first really below the belt and somewhat truly nasty exchange between two of the closest housewives and while the ladies have often disagreed with one another on various things, there was something a lot more damaging about that particular exchange.
This fight is different because Mike's stupidity of getting caught by the cops trying to bury his toolbox in the woods only ensured that he would get himself arrested on the spot by the same detective who has been gunning for Mike's blood for the past five episodes.
It also doesn't help Mike that when he's eventually arrested in full view of the neighbours, that Edie's loyalty to Mike isn't as solid as she once bragged to Susan. In fact Edie takes a particularly low blow and dumps Mike as soon he asks her to help him to get a lawyer. As much as I like Edie, that was incredibly low and only proves that she never really loved Mike, otherwise she would've given him the benefit of the doubt instead of casting him aside. That takes her down a few notches in my respect level for her.
However there is one person who is 100% adamant of Mike's innocence and it comes as no shock whatsoever ever that the person is Susan, who despite her relationship with Ian getting more serious just can't stay away from her ex.
It even takes Mike by surprise when she comes to visit him in jail and when he asks her why she doesn't doubt him; Susan's response is cheesy but touching. Mike may be innocent in Monique's but he's still connected in some way, no matter how Susan would like to think that he isn't.
Of course wanting to help Mike does a fair amount of damage for Susan and people she loves and the first one it causes friction with is Ian. Well if comatose Jane isn't an obstacle in their relationship then Mike mostly definitely as Ian is furious that Susan would go to extreme lengths such as breaking into Orson's office to help Mike than make the effort to cook a meal and meet his parents, who ended up not being able to come anyway.
Ian's upset is understandable but his attempts of remedying the situation by offering to hire Mike a top notch lawyer on the condition that Susan stays away from him is out of line. I get his insecurity that Susan might leave him for Mike but at the same time, Ian has no right to tell Susan who she can and can't spend her time with and I kind of wished she had emphasised that to Ian at the same instead of completely accepting his offer.
The other person upset by Susan's willingness to help Mike turned out to be Bree, who had previously confided in Susan over telling Orson to leave the Hodge home and her fears that he may have been involved with Monique's death. It's a shame because it was a wonderful sharing between the girls as Susan had stopped by to ask Bree to help with cooking for Ian's family.
It does appear that Susan is on a bandwagon previously vacated by Carolyn and co-occupied by Gloria for Bree to ditch Orson. It's kind of strange as Susan was the one who originally befriended and was given some sage advice by Orson and it was Susan who more or less introduced Orson to Bree but mad Carolyn's rumours about Orson seem to have stuck.
It's also during the girls poker game that Susan's belief over Orson killing Monique causes a full scale row between her and Bree and within second both ladies are arguing over who was more likely to have done in the mystery woman that even Lynette and Gabrielle's embarrassing attempts of banter aren't enough to get their friends to call a truce.
And if isn't Susan who thinks the worst of Orson, then that malicious old hag Gloria is more than happy to spill more bad words about her son, especially when Bree offers her food and is in bits over whether or not she should give up on her marriage so quickly. Word of advice just don't ask Gloria for any!
I can easily understand why Orson detests his mother with an almighty passion after all she is a mean spirited, vindictive old bint but what has Orson done on her so horrible that she can't stand the same air he happens to breathe?
I would have a guess and perhaps say that maybe her hatred for Orson had a lot to with Alma. Let's look at the evidence when she told Bree in the previous episode about Orson's affair with Monique, she referred to the latter with utter contempt, this week she went overboard to encourage Bree to leave Orson and when Bree left the room we caught her watching a Christmas video of herself, Orson and Alma. Clearly Alma is someone that Gloria has a high opinion of.
This theory is even further validated when Susan's snooping around in Orson's office, Bree stops by and allows Orson to actually explain himself and seeing as we've had many theories on what his marriage to Alma was like it was nice to get it from the Orthodontist's mouth himself.
The upshot is simple because like Bree it seems that Orson will do something that might come across as morally correct even if his heart isn't into and marrying a woman whom he didn't love would certainly be that. Bree looked shocked but wasn't she going to do the same thing with George back in Season Two?
With this explanation suitably enough for Bree, a moment of sweet victory befalls Orson when him and his wife get to do the honourable thing and toss Gloria out like rotting garbage and despite Gloria quick to threaten Orson and apply a small amount of reasoning, even she realised that she was out of her depth.
Of course just because the witch got kicked out of the house doesn't mean that she didn't have another ace up her sleeve and the ace doesn't come any bigger when the mystery person on the phone turns out to be a very much alive Alma and this goes to show that if Orson didn't do in his wife, then it's highly unlikely that he killed the mistress he loved more either.
With Orson's name getting more or less cleared over the Alma debacle, Art becomes the talk of the neighbourhood when Lynette and Karen McClusky's talk of his sordid photography hits Fairview and soon enough, Art finds out just exactly neighbourhoods react upon having a paedophile within their midst.
Not everyone think he's a paedophile however and Art's ill sister Rebecca is the only one to actually leap to his defence and also plants the nagging feeling that Lynette may be wrong about her former hero, which even Tom does as well when Art's house is invaded by protesters.
Neighbours are a judgemental bunch and while I sympathise with Rebecca, at the same time, Lynette was right with her conviction of being safe rather than sorry and it's not as if the police had been remotely helpful in determining whether or not Art was a threat to children. It would've also helped her if Tom had backed her up in the same way that Karen McClusky did as well.
However the stress of Art being the talk of the town and being ostracised by neighbours did take it's toll on Rebecca and although off screen, her death was quite sad but at the same time, Lynette shouldn't feel too guilty as it turns out she was right all along about Arthur Shephard.
You heard it Lynette was right! This show has actually gone with a dark storyline and Art's admission of his indecent tendencies when Lynette was trying to apologise to him was quite the shocking moment, even more than learning Alma Hodge was alive and in cahoots with Gloria.
In fact what's even more scary is that Art is pretty callous with his admission to Lynette that at one point, I got this nasty feeling that he was either going to attack Lynette or threatens her kids but while the evil so and so isn't behind bars, Lynette gets a minor victory as her actions have ensured that Art leaves Wisteria Lane for good and it isn't a moment too soon either.
Finally in her newfound and seemingly useful role as a pageant coach, Gabrielle and the slightly more bearable Vern (who is admittedly a bit more likeable than Marc from Ugly Betty) have to go all Simon Cowell on a particular student named Amy, who is pretty at everything Gabby is trying to teach her.
Gabby and Vern are determined to get rid of the girl and almost succeed if Gabby didn't happen to develop enough of a crush on Amy's hunky single father Bill that in the end, not does Amy get to stay but Gabby is willing to give her private lessons as a ruse to get to know Bill all the more.
I don't know why Gabby bothered as only an idiot wouldn't spot the lack of attention she pays Amy during their private lesson and also there's the fact that Bill isn't shy when it comes to being hit on by the materialistic former model either.
However Amy isn't happy and in order to keep Bill (which I suppose is better than trying to kill in two different volumes), Gabby deliberately causes friction between Amy and her more talented pageant friend Sherry and suffice to say like her friends and unlike Edie, Gabrielle has also got someone to snuggle up during Christmas.
Also in "The Miracle Song"
Man Of The Week: Art finds the Fairview folk don't appreciate his efforts to bring in Christmas cheer to the neighbourhood. Ian: "Well my parents won't be expecting a gourmet meal"
Susan: "Will they be expecting stomach cramps, acid reflux, night sweats?"
I wonder why Ian's parents decided to not come to Wisteria Lane and how they feel about him going out with Susan.
Gabrielle: "For God sakes Amy, little Miss Snowflake doesn't scratch down there"
Vern: "Well her mother's been dead for a year. How long can she milk it?"
Bree (re Orson): "It's not that easy, I love him"
Gloria: "You'll get over it, I did".
No Opening Credits for the third time this week.
Lynette: "I have kids, better safe than sorry"
Rebecca: "As long as you're safe, what do you care who's sorry?"
Mike (re being dumped): "You're telling me this on the day I'm put in a men's prison?"
Edie: "Well I said the timing was bad".
Inventive placards against Art included "Go Away Perv", Sex Offender Out" and "Paedophile Out".
Bree (re cooking): "Good let me if they are any survivors"
Susan: "If you take Orson back, you do the same".
Gabrielle (re Amy): "I though you two were sisters?"
Sherry: "We are but Amy sucks".
We learned that Alma had suffered a miscarriage and Orson was a mental patient, which might be what Gloria was also threatening him with. This is the only episode this season in which every main character was present and accounted for.
Gloria: "So you're exiling me, calling me off to my new grandchildren?"
Bree: "That's our gift to them".
Art: "But now thanks to you I'm free"
Lynette: "You can't stay here".
Chronology: It's December 2006, Christmas time.
For a Christmas themed episode, "The Miracle Song" is as dark as you can get and while there are some moments of humour, overall this is one the darkest and uncomfortable episodes in the series' running, which the last ten minutes being quite unmissable.moreless