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Gabrielle: Lucy Blackburn? Please, tell me it's a coincidence that your new V.P. has the same name as your ex-girlfriend.
Carlos: She wasn't my girlfriend.. We were roommates. We shared an apartment.
Gabrielle: You told me you slept with her!
Carlos: Well, it was a small apartment. Come on. It was a casual thing, and it was a million years ago.
Gabrielle: I don't care! Why couldn't you have told me this before she's about to appear on my doorstep?
Carlos: I wanted to... but you were always next to something sharp.
-
Orson: What do you want me to say?
Bree: I want you to explain to me why this insanity is still going on. When you stole the tape recorder, you said it was a one time thing, an impulsive act of revenge.
Orson: It was, at first. But then... I know it sounds odd, but... it started giving me a thrill.
Bree: A thrill? Stealing a ceramic duck gives you a thrill?
-
Mary Alice: (closing voiceover) You can find them almost anywhere. Friendly people with hidden agendas. The woman who uses her neighbor to get herself a job. The wife who uses her influence to hire a friendly spy. The husband who uses his charm to steal from his friends. And you can be sure, the friendliest people of all, have agendas that won't ever be discovered. Not until it's too late.
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Orson: (about Bree to Dr. Bernstein) Do you know why she's so angry? Because this is something she can't control... and I love it. (he smiles.)
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Lynette: The house lights are up, Gaby, you can drop the act. You only helped me get this job because you needed a spy.
Gabrielle: How dare you! And yes, I did.
-
Carlos: Gaby! You think I'm that shallow that all I go by is looks?
Gabrielle: Yeah, I thought that was something we had in common.
-
Gabrielle: So what kind of kiss are we talking about?
Susan: A regular kiss, on the mouth, that lasted a little longer than I thought it would.
Lynette: So was it a good old fashioned American kiss, or are we talking the infinitely superior French variety?
-
Susan: Ah, jeez. How did it get so late? Is there a school policy on turning up to work drunk?
Jessie: It's frowned upon.
-
Mary Alice: (voiceover) You can find them on any sidewalk in any city. People with agendas. The woman who calls up an old friend, because she wants to borrow some cash. The man who takes his boss to lunch, because he wants the corner office. The girl who looks after her uncle, because she wants to be in the will. Yes, you can find these people almost anywhere, doing what they can to keep their agendas hidden.
-
Mary Alice: (opening voiceover) Gabrielle Solis hated going to funerals, for all sorts of reasons. Black was not her color. Crying depresses her. And lilies made her sneeze. Also, Gabrielle despised any event where she was not the center of attention. Luckily, at this funeral, that would not be a problem. (later) Yes, Gabrielle hated going to funerals. Mostly because she couldn't pretend to be sad when she wasn't.
