Desperate Housewives

Lynette: Get me a nanny. Tom: What? Lynette: I am drowning here. You heard what Penny said. I'm not myself anymore. And when I'm not taking it out on the kids, I'm taking advantage of them. So I need help. Tom: How about if I pitch in more? Lynette: Oh, Tom. What a lovely, hollow offer that you'll never back up. Get me a nanny.

(Beth finds Paul in his old home) Beth: Are we going to move here? Paul: No. Beth: Then why would you buy this house? It must be filled with so many unpleasant memories. Paul: I don't see any unpleasant memories. I see the couch where my wife and I would sit and have our morning coffee... I see the Christmas tree in the corner, by the fireplace... I see the chair where I would sit and read stories to my son... I was loved in this house. I had a real marriage here. Paul: Our marriage is real, Paul. It's just... this is hard for me. And you keeping things from me doesn't make it any easier. Paul: You're right. There should be no secrets between us. (he heads for the door) Secrets are why this house is empty right now.

(Gabrielle has just told the girls about her real daughter) Lynette: Who else knows about this? Gabrielle: Very few people, and I need you guys to keep it that way. Bree: Well, of course, we'll be discrete. Lynette: Definitely, for Juanita's sake. (they all look at Renee) Renee: Oh, don't worry about me. (to Gabrielle) Up until today, I thought you were Juanita.

(the girls are getting ready to play poker, and Gabrielle walks in) Gabrielle: Listen, guys, before we start... I've been keeping something from you. But I'm gonna tell you because you're my dearest, oldest friends. (to Renee) Well, I've only known you two weeks, but I don't wanna be rude and tell you to leave. (she shows them a picture of Grace) See this picture? This is my daughter, Grace.

Lynette: Last week, Paige spit up on Gaby's couch, so now she's pretty much "baby non grata".

Paul: (to Beth) Isn't it convenient how during the day you're my wife, but at night you turn back into a house guest?

Maxine: Oh, Mike, if I was fifteen years younger, I'd ride you like a hobo rides a box car. (she laughs) Mike: Thanks... but, you still have to fix the air conditioner. Maxine: Eh, it was worth the shot.

Carlos: (to Hector and Carmen, about Grace) What a polite litte girl. You've obviously done a wonderful job, Mrs. Sanchez. I mean, we didn't know what to expect, but I can see Grace couldn't have had a better mother. (Gabrielle gives him a confused look) You know what I mean. Hector: (to Gabrielle) Aye, you've done a wonderful job with Juanita. Gabrielle: Thank you. You know, when I got pregnant I didn't know how I would handle the whole motherhood thing... Juanita: (having just arrived, trying to interrupt) Mom! Gabrielle: ...but, I think I turned out to be pretty good at it. Juanita: Mom! Gabrielle: What? (Carmen and Hector are startled) Juanita: I need money for ice cream. Gabrielle: What is the magic word? Juanita: I don't know. Hurry? Now come on, the truck is pulling away. Gabrielle: Please, the magic word is please. Juanita: Fine, please. (Gabrielle hands her some cash) Juanita: What, we can't afford more than one scoop? (Gabrielle gives her a mean look; Juanita sighs and walks away; Gabrielle turns back to talk to the Sanchez couple) Gabrielle: I'm sorry, what was I saying? Carmen: You were talking about what a good mother you are.

(Grace has just complimented Gabrielle's purse) Gabrielle: Just so you know, it's Chanel. You can have one of these by working very hard. Or by marrying a man who works very hard.