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Bree Van de Kamp
Mary Alice Young
Carlos: You bought an eight-year-old girl a $1,400 purse?
Gabrielle: Oh, lighten up. It's not like I got her the matching wallet.
Lynette: Get me a nanny.
Lynette: I am drowning here. You heard what Penny said. I'm not myself anymore. And when I'm not taking it out on the kids, I'm taking advantage of them. So I need help.
Tom: How about if I pitch in more?
Lynette: Oh, Tom. What a lovely, hollow offer that you'll never back up. Get me a nanny.
(Beth finds Paul in his old home)
Beth: Are we going to move here?
Beth: Then why would you buy this house? It must be filled with so many unpleasant memories.
Paul: I don't see any unpleasant memories. I see the couch where my wife and I would sit and have our morning coffee... I see the Christmas tree in the corner, by the fireplace... I see the chair where I would sit and read stories to my son... I was loved in this house. I had a real marriage here.
Paul: Our marriage is real, Paul. It's just... this is hard for me. And you keeping things from me doesn't make it any easier.
Paul: You're right. There should be no secrets between us. (he heads for the door) Secrets are why this house is empty right now.
(Gabrielle has just told the girls about her real daughter)
Lynette: Who else knows about this?
Gabrielle: Very few people, and I need you guys to keep it that way.
Bree: Well, of course, we'll be discrete.
Lynette: Definitely, for Juanita's sake.
(they all look at Renee)
Renee: Oh, don't worry about me. (to Gabrielle) Up until today, I thought you were Juanita.
(the girls are getting ready to play poker, and Gabrielle walks in)
Gabrielle: Listen, guys, before we start... I've been keeping something from you. But I'm gonna tell you because you're my dearest, oldest friends. (to Renee) Well, I've only known you two weeks, but I don't wanna be rude and tell you to leave. (she shows them a picture of Grace) See this picture? This is my daughter, Grace.
Lynette: Last week, Paige spit up on Gaby's couch, so now she's pretty much "baby non grata".
Paul: (to Beth) Isn't it convenient how during the day you're my wife, but at night you turn back into a house guest?
Maxine: Oh, Mike, if I was fifteen years younger, I'd ride you like a hobo rides a box car. (she laughs)
Mike: Thanks... but, you still have to fix the air conditioner.
Maxine: Eh, it was worth the shot.
Carlos: (to Hector and Carmen, about Grace) What a polite litte girl. You've obviously done a wonderful job, Mrs. Sanchez. I mean, we didn't know what to expect, but I can see Grace couldn't have had a better mother. (Gabrielle gives him a confused look) You know what I mean.
Hector: (to Gabrielle) Aye, you've done a wonderful job with Juanita.
Gabrielle: Thank you. You know, when I got pregnant I didn't know how I would handle the whole motherhood thing...
Juanita: (having just arrived, trying to interrupt) Mom!
Gabrielle: ...but, I think I turned out to be pretty good at it.
(Carmen and Hector are startled)
Juanita: I need money for ice cream.
Gabrielle: What is the magic word?
Juanita: I don't know. Hurry? Now come on, the truck is pulling away.
Gabrielle: Please, the magic word is please.
Juanita: Fine, please.
(Gabrielle hands her some cash)
Juanita: What, we can't afford more than one scoop?
(Gabrielle gives her a mean look; Juanita sighs and walks away; Gabrielle turns back to talk to the Sanchez couple)
Gabrielle: I'm sorry, what was I saying?
Carmen: You were talking about what a good mother you are.
(Grace has just complimented Gabrielle's purse)
Gabrielle: Just so you know, it's Chanel. You can have one of these by working very hard. Or by marrying a man who works very hard.
(Carlos and Gabrielle are walking in the park)
Mary Alice: (narrating) Carlos Solis loved his wife more than anything.
(Gabrielle is seen in her bedroom, checking her reflection in the mirror)
Gabrielle: If there's a woman on this planet with better skin, I'd like to meet her.
(she walks past Carlos)
Mary Alice: Even though she was vain...
(Carlos and his wife are seen entering their house)
Gabrielle: Do we have to give money to the church every Sunday? I mean, it's always the same show.
Mary Alice: ...selfish...
(Gabrielle is seen opening her Christmas gift, and is disappointed)
Gabrielle: I told you to buy me couture, I can't wear off the rack with these shoes! (she stomps her foot on the floor and leaves)
Mary Alice: ...and spoiled.
(flashbacks are over, and the Solises are seen in the park again)
Mary Alice: But in those moments when his wife was simply vulnerable...
Carlos: You okay?
Mary Alice: ...Carlos loved her just a little bit more.
Gabrielle: Is this where we're meeting them?
Carlos: I think so.
Gabrielle: (sighs) I don't know what I'm supposed to say.
Carlos: Start with hello.
Gabrielle: And then what? "Thanks for raising our daughter for the last eight years, hope we didn't ruin yours"?
Carlos: (sighs) It's gonna be fine.
(Hector approaches them)
Hector: Mr. and Mrs. Solis? I'm Hector Sanchez.
(they shake hands)
Carlos: Nice to meet you, and please call us Carlos and Gabrielle.
Hector: Thank you. Huh, where is...?
Carlos: Juanita is at the swing set with her sister, we thought we should talk a little first.
Hector: Oh, sure. My wife is over with our... huh... she's with Grace.
Gabrielle: That's her name, Grace?
(he signals them to follow him)
Gabrielle: So how are you and your wife handling all of this?
Hector: We're still in shock. Since your lawyer called us we haven't been able to sleep or eat... this whole thing is so crazy.
Carlos: We feel the same way.
Hector: They couldn't have switched our babies. It's got to be a mistake. Maybe we should take a blood test.
Grace: (first she's heard from afar) Mom! I told you to bring the green jacket, I can't wear red with these shoes. (she stomps her foot like Gabrielle usually does)
Mary Alice: Yes, Carlos Solis loved his wife...
Carlos: I don't think we'll be needing that test.
(Grace walks away in a fit)
Mary Alice: ...and he knew her DNA when he saw it.
International Episode Titles:
Czech Republic: Hlavní je to, co je uvnitř (The Main Thing is What's Inside)
Original International Airdates:
Turkey: November 2, 2010 on CNBC-e
Croatia: December 9, 2010 on RTL TV
Germany: January 26, 2011 on ProSieben
Norway: March 1, 2011 on TV2
Czech Republic: December 22, 2011 on Prima LOVE
In this episode, Susan is terrified to discover a picture of her in lingerie appearing on a huge billboard as part of an advertising campaign for Va-va-va-Broom.com.
However, in order to have a photo big enough to be put on such poster, there had to have been a professional photoshoot of Susan (which would produce a very hi-res image) - meaning she needed to be a willing participant.
Otherwise it is simply impossible for that poster to have been made.
On a side note, it's the rare pornographic website (albeit containing "softcore" material) that is allowed to advertise on billboards.
Episode Title: The title of this episode comes from a lyric in the song "Ah, But Underneath", from the Stephen Sondheim musical Follies.
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