Desperate Housewives

(after telling Father Crowley that Carlos is having an affair with Sister Mary, Gabrielle goes back to the confession booth to talk to another priest) Gabrielle: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. Priest: How long since your last confession? Gabrielle: Hmm, not that long ago. Look, I sorta told a fib, so how many "Hail Mary"s is that gonna set me back?

Parker: So, who won the fight? Tom: We weren't fighting, mommy's just letting daddy know where he stands.

Susan: But I gotta be honest, the fact that you can't even cut that steak isn't helping. Dr.Ron: That's not fair. You overcooked it, and, frankly, it's not the freshest meat. Susan: Well, neither am I. I've got thirty-five years on that cow.

Father Crowley: How long has it been since your last confession? Gabrielle: Who cares? Father, it's me.

Mary Alice: Everyone understands the nature of war. We also understand that victory depends on the cards that we have been dealt. Some, when faced with a bloody battle, simply give in. But for some, surrender is unacceptable. Even though they know it will be a fight to the death.

Mary Alice: If there is one thing Edie Brit understood, it was the nature of war. After two failed marriages and countless rocky romances she had learned that love was a battlefield, and the easiest way to survive the carnage was total surrender. But the day comes for every soldier when she must take a stand. And fight. You see, when it came to men, Edie had a battle plan all her own. Yes, Edie Britt understood the nature of war. She also knew to the victor go the spoils.

Betty: (walks into the room) I hope you all brought your checkbooks (housewives look surprised to see her) because I'm feeling lucky!

Carlos: What the hell were you thinking? Gabrielle: Uh, depends. What have you heard? Carlos: I got a call from the church. They said you attacked Sister Mary! Gabrielle: Yeah, that's about right. Carlos: What are you thinking? Gabrielle: I wasn't, but I was thinking about it on the way over here. And I realized the ass I should be kicking is yours. Carlos: Mine? Gabrielle: Yes! Sister Mary manipulated you into threatening me, but you're the idiot that fell for it. Carlos: I was not threatening you. I was asking for a promise. Gabrielle: You made a promise, Carlos, a long time ago: till death do us part. And one day you just come home and start throwing words around like annulment. How do you think that makes me feel? Carlos: Okay, I'm sorry about that. I need to have a child. Gabrielle: And I need to know I'm the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, not just some uterus in high heels. Carlos: Gabrielle, please. Gabrielle: No, Carlos, I am sorry. I am not gonna be blackmailed into giving birth. You have to choose. And I wish you would do it so I can move on with my life. Carlos: Well, of course I choose you. Gabrielle: I think that's the right decision. You know, I made a decision, too. The answer to your question earlier is yes. Carlos: Yes... Gabrielle: I wanna have a baby. I wanna have a baby with you.

Sister Mary: Thank you for meeting with me. Carlos: Sure! I'd have invited you in the house but the place is a real pigsty. Sister Mary: Carlos, I'm a nun, not a moron.

Mary Alice: Everyone understands the nature of war.(The girls are playing poker, and Betty raises) We also understand that victory depends on the cards we have been dealt. (Susan and Gabrielle fold their hands) Some, when faced with a bloody battle, simply give in. (Lynette and Edie also folds their hands) But for some, surrender is unacceptable. (Bree and Betty stare down) Even though they know it will be a fight. (Bree reraises Betty) To the death.

Lynette: (to Tom) If you take this job, you are never allowed to bring up what happened before with your promotion. Tom: That's it? Deal. Lynette: No, it's not a deal, I need a solemn vow that you will never throw that in my face ever again, because if you do, you will unleash demons that you do not want to meet. Tom: I get it. Lynette: And what I really need from you is to be forgiven. Tom: Actually, I already had.

Matthew: I got your note. What's going on? Danielle: Are you hiding someone in your house? Matthew: What? Danielle: My mom saw someone in your second story window. She think it's the guy who broke into Mrs. Solis'. Matthew: Damn it, Caleb. Danielle: Is that his name? Matthew: Has she told anybody else? Danielle: She left messages on her friends' machines. They're coming over soon to get details. Matthew: We're gonna have to leave tonight. This is... Danielle: Why? What's going on? Matthew: I would love to tell you, believe me, I would. But I can't. Danielle: If you trust me, I could help you. My family has secrets, too. Matthew: What my brother did, it's bad. Danielle: Last year my brother did something really awful, and my parents covered it up for him. If anyone were to ever find out, Andrew and my mom could go to jail. So you don't have to worry about me judging you. Tell me your secrets. I'll understand. Matthew: Okay. But you tell me yours first.