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Lynette: I want you to call that woman and tell her you are never seeing her again.
Porter: Her name is Anne.
Lynette: Her name is Mrs. Schilling; she was you T-ball coach when you were six. By the way, does your best friend know you're sleeping with his mother?
Porter: We're... keeping our relationship from Kirby for now.
Tom: This isn't a relationship. You're being used by this woman.
Porter: No, I'm not. I love her.
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Mrs. McCluskey: Geez, Roberta, I know you hate to throw anything away. But do you have the garbage man bringing you stuff now?
Roberta: Pardon my french, but what's french for kiss my ass?
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Susan: Jackson, look at me. I'm tipsy. I'm horny. I'm easier than a five-year-old's homework.
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Susan: Right! What time is it?
Jackson: Erm, 10:48.
Susan: No, it's sex time!
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Bree: Could you believe it? A thief and a pothead.
Orson: Well, at least we know now where the two pounds of cookie dough went.