Desperate Housewives

Bree: It was my first week in college, and I went to a meeting of the Young Republicans, where Rex gave a speech and I went up to him afterward and introduced myself and told him that I agreed with his stance on the death penalty, and he took me out to a diner and, uh, we stayed up until 2 in the morning talking about big government, gun control and illegal immigration. (sighs) It was just... it was just such a magical night.

Gabrielle: (to John) I've tried poor but happy. Guess what? Wasn't that happy!

Gabrielle: Every once in a while even I want to do the right thing.

Mary Alice: Suburbia is a place filled with responsible people trying to live responsible lives. Of course, even the most responsible among us, has mistakes in their past. Mistakes they'd like to forget. Mistakes that sometimes come back to haunt them.

Julie: Mom! Susan: What is going on here? Were you just kissing my daughter? Zach: I...uh...a little. Susan: What are you thinking? Julie: Mom, calm down. Susan: She's only fourteen! Zach: Yeah. I should, I should probably be going. Susan: You think?

Zach: Ms. Mayer! Hey, is Julie home? Susan: She's in the shower. Zach: Oh. Well, I just came by to give her some good news. Susan: What's that? Zach: Well, it turns out my Dad and I aren't moving after all. Susan: What? Zach: Yeah. He reconsidered, so I guess we're going to keep living across the street. Susan: Okay. Wow, uh, wow. You know, uh, can you sit down? I need, uh, to talk to you.

Rex: So, have you seen Bree lately? George: Yeah, I ran into her last night at the diner on Maple Avenue. We had a nice talk. Rex: That's all you did? Just talk? George: We're just friends, Dr. Van de Kamp. Nothing more. Rex: That's good to hear. You know, if you ever do get a vibe from Bree that she's interested in more than just friendship, I'd be careful if I were you. George: Excuse me? Rex: I just want you to know that she'd only be using you to even the score with me. Don't fall for it. George: Bree would never do anything like that. She's a lady. Rex: Exactly. A very beautiful, classy lady. Remember, they tend to end up with doctors, not pharmacists. George: Bree is very beautiful, and very classy, but she's not very perceptive. For instance, she thinks you're a good person, and it is now very clear to me you aren't.

Mary Alice: There is a look that parents of well behaved children, give to the parents of the not so well behaved. A look that says 'you should learn to control your kids. After all, they're your responsibility'. Of course, it was easy for Susan to feel smug with a daughter like Julie. She always brought home straight A's. She was helpful around the house. She was bright, affectionate, and considerate of others. To her mother's way of thinking, Julie was the perfect child. Unfortunately, Susan was about to discover that no such creature existed. There is also a look that parents of not so well behaved children give to parents like Susan. It says, 'welcome to the club'.

Bob Rowland: John surprised us last night when he announced he was turning down his college scholarship. Helen Rowland: Instead, he's decided to expand his gardening business. Mow lawns full time. Gabrielle: Well, why, uh, why would he do that? Helen Rowland: We don't know why. Do you think we'd be talking to you if we did? Bob Rowland: You'll have to forgive my wife. She's still upset over the whole, um... Helen Rowland: Statutory rape thing.

Rex: Hey! Bree: I'm not speaking to you. Rex: Didn't like the settlement talks, huh? Bree: You only demanded the good china because you know I love it. Rex: You take our timeshare in Aspen, and I'm vindictive? Come on! You'll hardly ever use that place! Bree: Hardly? How about never! Rex: I mean, fine. When I move out, I'm going to use your good china for take out food. Yeah. Pizza, spare ribs... Bree: You know what? At our next settlement talks, I plan on asking for your golf clubs! Rex: Isn't divorce fun?

Susan: (chuckles) Listen, I know being dramatic is the birthright of every teenager, but come on... Zach: (throwing furniture around) WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!!?? DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? Susan: (harshly) Thank you, Zach. You have just made this really easy for me. You are now forbidden from seeing or talking to my daughter ever again! And if you come within ten feet of her, I will call the police, and I will have you arrested! Now get out!

Bree: You are such a special man, George Williams. And you deserve such a special woman. George: I think so.

Susan: Zach, um, Julie is only fourteen years old, and sometimes girls, when they're that age, they just don't always make the right decisions. And, um, as her mother, it is my responsibility to protect her. Zach: You want to protect her for me? Susan: No, I, just, I think that you should slow things down. I, I, I want you to not see her for a while. Zach: No. Susan: No? Zach: You're not taking her away from me.

Gabrielle: John, you're a toy. A sweet dumb toy. So you might as well go to college, because there's nothing between us.

Zach: Hey. You know that Julie is the first girl I ever gave a flower to? Susan: Really. Zach: Yeah. Yeah, I really like her, Ms. Mayer.

Bob Rowland: John's a big boy. Whatever happened between the two of you is his mistake as much as yours.

Lynette: So here's the thing. I feel really awful about how I acted before. Tom: For god's sake, you threw me out of my own house. Lynette: I overreacted, I'm sorry.

Tom Scavo: (to his dad) There's something that Lynette doesn't know about Dad. Something that I did. And I don't know what's going to happen if she ever finds out.

Gabrielle: Obviously I'm not leaving my husband and marrying John. Bob Rowland: I think that's wise.

Mary Alice Young: (narrating) Sooner or later, the time comes when we all must become responsible adults, and learn to give up what we want, so we can choose to do what is right. Of course, a lifetime of responsibility isn't always easy, and as the years go on, it's a burden that can become too heavy for some to bear. But still we try to do what is best, what is good; not only for ourselves, but for those we love. -Zach and Julie interlude-. Yes, sooner or later, we must all become responsible adults. No one knows this better than the young.

Paul: We need to talk about these things that you think you remember. They're not true. Zach: How can they not be true? Paul: Memories lie, Zach. You didn't kill anyone. Dana is very much alive.

Rex: What do you say Bree, do we send the vultures home? Bree: I want to keep the club membership. Rex is terrible at tennis and hates buffets.

Gabrielle: What opportunity is more important than college? John: For the longest time, the only thing I had to offer you was my heart. Mr. Solis gave you security and I couldn't compete. But now even he can't offer you that. And I can. My business is taking off. I can take care of you. We can finally be together. Mrs. Solis, will you marry me?