The end is here. Well, the end is almost here. In just a few days, Dexter will air its last episode ever and really, our three-month nightmare will be over. To say that the show's final season has been a disappointment is literally the biggest understatement in history of understatements. The most action-packed sequence of the season involved Dexter's mutant child falling-face first on a treadmill, probably ruining his dreams of being an Olympic sprinter someday. So tragic.
BUT: Dexter has one more chance, either to make it right or to continue sinking deep into the boring hole of suck that it's been digging all season. This Sunday's "Remember the Monsters?" is bound to tackle the aftermath of Deb's shooting and Dexter's attempts to escape South Beach, but there's gotta be more going on, right? Well, other than really, really tepid voice-over monologues.
Below, I have a handful of predictions for you. I haven't seen the finale, but I did watch a few preview clips and the "Next time on..." trailer. And of course, I've fully immersed myself in those alleged finale spoilers that popped up on Reddit a few weeks ago. (The scary thing? None of them have really been disproven as of yet.) Point being, I know just as much as you do. Here are my predictions for the series finale; share your own in the comments, and let's get ready to commiserate together.
1. DEB WILL DIE
This seems like the only real consequence that Dexter is bound to face for his decades of screwed-up behavior. Not only is it unfortunate, because Deb is the one character on this show who deserves to get out, but it's also kind of repetitive. If it happens, the only times Dexter will have faced real, life-altering change are with Rita and Deb's deaths.
2. DEXTER AND HANNAH WILL GET AWAY
Relatedly, I don't fathom a scenario where the show disrupts this pair, which has only gotten progressively less interesting since late last season. Instead of forcing Dexter to consider his actions, the show seems more satisfied with him letting the past go and "changing" just because of love. I'm not a cold-hearted bastard or anything, but that's just stupid. TRUE LOVE DID IT, GUYS.
3. ALL THE OTHER SUPPORTING CHARACTERS WILL LIVE
Somehow, some way, Dexter is going to finish its run with Batista, Masuka, Quinn, Jamie, and Matthews still alive. On one hand, for a show that's dedicated to serial killers running roughshod on one city, that's kind of amazingly stupid. On the other hand, it's possible that the writing staff recognized that absolutely no one cares about these characters by Season 4 or 5, so killing them wouldn't have much of an impact anyway. Apparently it's crucial that Masuka and his sperm daughter continue living out their very weird relationship, based mostly on him seeing her breasts. That happy ending definitely means more than Deb getting away from her terrible life.
4. AT LEAST ONE OTHER PERSON WILL LEARN DEXTER'S SECRET—PROBABLY AFTER THE FACT
Continuing the theme here, I'm assuming that the finale will feature a scene with Batista, Quinn, or Matthews nonchalantly revealing that they knew Dexter was a killer all along. It's possible that they'll even celebrate Dexter for his actions or, worst of all, make a really bad joke about it. "Oh Dexter, don't you know that we totally understood what it meant when you put on that brown henley? Thanks, real-life Batman, you're a true hero!" Again, this is a sociopathic serial killer we're talking about. If it doesn't go down that way, expect that one of those characters will have an epiphany once Dexter and Hannah are long gone, only to look longingly into the distance without doing anything about it.
5. THE SEEDS FOR A SPIN-OFF WILL BE PLANTED—BUT IT WON'T EVER HAPPEN
The chatter about a possible spin-off has been floating around all season, with neither Showtime nor the writers willing to put the kibosh on it. It's hard to see spin-off potential with all the non-Morgan characters, unless Showtime is really into doing a steamy series following Jamie nannying it up in another city. Unfortunately, no matter whether the Reddit stuff is true, Quinn seems like the only real choice if we assume this is all going to happen. Desmond Harrington could maybe carry a show on his own, but Quinn can't. Thus, I don't think the spin-off will ever come to fruition. Showtime should be ready to move on, particularly when there isn't any clear idea of where to take the story next. Heck, nobody knew where to take the story this year, with Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter still involved.
6. THE SLICE OF LIFE WILL BE DESTROYED
Oh wait, this show does have consequences, nevermind guys.
Alright, that's what I think. How about you? Is there anything you really WANT to happen?
AIRED ON 9/22/2013
Season 8 : Episode 12