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Showtime (ended 2013)

Best Dexter quotes

  • Avatar of Golden_surfer

    Golden_surfer

    [61]Sep 1, 2008
    • member since: 05/16/04
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    "It's one thing to eff with me, it's another thing to eff with.... my ex girlfriend who hates me"
    Edited on 09/01/2008 7:55am
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  • Avatar of drrdheroe

    drrdheroe

    [62]Sep 1, 2008
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    rudy: i got this house for you

    dex: i am more of an apartment kind of person

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  • Avatar of windseeker15

    windseeker15

    [63]Sep 1, 2008
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    Doakes: "Can we secure this motherf****** crime scene?!"

    I LOL'd so hard when he said that...
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  • Avatar of mickeym3773

    mickeym3773

    [64]Sep 3, 2008
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    i don't no if any1 said this but:

    Doakes "Take a picture, it will last longer"

    Dexter "What whould I do without u?"

    LOL

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  • Avatar of winterbehaviour

    winterbehaviour

    [65]Sep 5, 2008
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    One of my all time favorites lines and it had me cracking up for like 5 days after and I'm not even joking.

    Season 1 ep 12

    (Doakes reveals himself to Dexter in the shipping yard)
    Doakes: Surprise mother******

    Its the way he walks around the corner swinging his arms! so funny!
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  • Avatar of staceysmythe

    staceysmythe

    [66]Sep 8, 2008
    • member since: 09/09/08
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    Ah, I too have so many favourites, mine are more the 'depressing' nature though.

    "If hell exists, I'm in it."

    "Somehow it's reassuring knowing I'm not the only one pretending to be normal."

    "Sometimes you just want to forget who you are altogether."

    "People see what they want to see, nobody knows what I really am"
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  • Avatar of Chanouel

    Chanouel

    [67]Sep 13, 2008
    • member since: 03/26/07
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    I have too many favorites quotes to list them all here. I'd have to write a book of quotes!

    Pretty much anything Masuka says has me in stitches most of the time. But the quote that really got me hooked to the show is this one from the first episode:

    Dexter: (Voice over) The problem with eating and driving, which I love to do, is not being able to employ the 10-2 hand position on the wheel. It's a matter of public safety. But there's always a sacrifice.

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  • Avatar of pro_odeh

    pro_odeh

    [68]Oct 14, 2008
    • member since: 10/15/07
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    Dexter in a yoga class, doing the 'warrior pose' (voice over):
    "This is absolutely, without a doubt the worst moment of my life."
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  • Avatar of aprildo777

    aprildo777

    [69]Oct 15, 2008
    • member since: 11/29/05
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    pro_odeh wrote:
    Dexter in a yoga class, doing the 'warrior pose' (voice over):
    "This is absolutely, without a doubt the worst moment of my life."
    That whole exchange in yoga class was hilarious. Especially his last line.

    Dexter: (voice over) This is absolutely, without a doubt, the worst moment of my life.

    Yoga teacher: Now let's go into a little free form yoga. Just let yourself dance.

    Dexter: (voice over) I was wrong. This is.

    Yoga teacher: See the dust dancing against the sunlight. Be as beautiful as the golden flakes of dust Dexter.

    Dexter: (In his head) I could probably kill her before anyone realized what happened.
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  • Avatar of spectator89

    spectator89

    [70]Oct 16, 2008
    • member since: 10/16/08
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    Deb tends to have some pretty awesome oneliners. This is from season 2 episode 5.

    Deb: Sweet Mary mother of fck that's good.

    Dex: I think you might have broken a commandment somewhere in there.

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  • Avatar of B_Bea

    B_Bea

    [71]Oct 17, 2008
    • member since: 06/07/05
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    Reuben_Y wrote:

    Best quote would have to be when Doakes was being help up by the drug people at the cabin. Dexter had just gone inside the taken one of them out, and the other drug dealer waiting outside with Doakes calls out for him:

    Drug Dealer: (Spanish)

    Doakes: Suck my d*ck mother******, you understand that?

    Drug Dealer: (Spanish) ESTEBAN!

    Doakes: Yeah yeah, ESTEBAN!!!

    I also think it's one of the bests

    Another with Doakes:

    Doakes: f*ck you!
    Dexter: Okay. Uh, is there something I can...
    Doakes: Yeah, you can get me your f*cking analysis on the blood spatter on these killings! You think I'm here to invite you to my nephew's briss?
    Dexter: I didn't know you were Jewish!
    Doakes: Shut the f*ck up and write your report!

    Dexter when he learns that FBI will be working on the bay harbour butcher case:

    The full force of the FBI, that's the last thing I need. I've got to make sure Lundy gets his man. After I figure out a way to erase the marina files. And make up with my girlfriend. And then maybe I'll tackle world hunger because things can't really get much worse.

    I could quote many, Dexter at times is just hilarious

    Edited on 10/17/2008 1:58pm
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  • Avatar of kokay

    kokay

    [72]Jun 26, 2009
    • member since: 06/24/09
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    Hahaha I'm laughing hard inside the office because of this!

    This is bad! hahaha

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  • Avatar of kokay

    kokay

    [73]Jun 26, 2009
    • member since: 06/24/09
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    This is one of my many favorites. It was on the pilot episode where Dexter is "obliged" to tell something about himself. This part, he's talking about his family.

    DEXTER (VO):Harry and Deborah did a great job on raising me...well they're both dead now...(pause) I didn't kill them (longer pause) ...honest.

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  • Avatar of kokay

    kokay

    [74]Jun 26, 2009
    • member since: 06/24/09
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    DragonMyst42 wrote:

    In "Shrink Wrap", in that conversatin Dexter has with the psychologist:

    (Psychologist asks Dexter about his hobby

    "I'm a Serial Killer."

    "I beg your pardon? You're kidding, right?"

    "Nope, I like to kill people. Phew, that feels good to get off my chest!"

    I laughed so hard at that...



    A great great laugh I had on that one!
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  • Avatar of youngagent

    youngagent

    [75]Sep 4, 2009
    • member since: 09/03/09
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    haha these are great.
    i love this one:
    "Harry and Dorris Morgan did a wonderful job raising me. But they're both dead now. I didn't kill them. Honest. "
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  • Avatar of selowitch

    selowitch

    [76]Sep 11, 2009
    • member since: 06/15/07
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    "Not enough tape."
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  • Avatar of Amerr23

    Amerr23

    [77]Sep 14, 2009
    • member since: 06/29/08
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    (Dexter day-dreaming)

    Dexter (V.O): I like to pretend I'm alone. Completely alone. Maybe post apocalypse or plague.. Whatever. No-one left to act normal for. No need to hide who I really am. It would be.. freeing.

    Doakes: Stop grinning like a **** psycho and get back to work!

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  • Avatar of Player_69

    Player_69

    [78]Oct 12, 2009
    • member since: 08/26/03
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    Dex: I'm going to tell you something I've never told anybody before.
    Shrink: OK
    Dex: I'm a serial killer. (O face commences) OH GOD ohhhh that feels so amazing to say out loud

    Great episode, great scene
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  • Avatar of dsquiddy

    dsquiddy

    [79]Oct 24, 2009
    • member since: 10/24/09
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    Both from season 1, episode 7.

    When the Dexter comes face to face with the fake ice truck killer.

    Dexter: Hi.

    Neil Perry: Who the f*ck are you?

    Dexter smiles slowly.

    ...

    When Dexter lectures Jeremy in the interview room.

    Dexter: Pretend the feelings are there. For the world and the people around you. Who knows maybe one day they will be.

    Edited on 10/24/2009 8:46am
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  • Avatar of blitzkriegbeer

    blitzkriegbeer

    [80]Oct 25, 2009
    • member since: 06/28/08
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    Angel: "Why do blood stains always look like crustaceans to you?"

    Dexter: "I like seafood."

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