Dharma & Greg

Kitty: Why did I get out of bed? Why? Larry: What does that mean? Edward: It means she's going to start drinking early today.

Dharma: (After meeting Mrs. Shumacher in the attic/storage room) Told you! Greg: Is that how you want to play this? Dharma: Yes, please.

Kitty: Oh, Larry, that is wonderful. Thank you! Larry: My pleasure. Kitty: (Rocking the table) It's not level. Larry: Oh, I can adjust that. (Puts a matchbook under the uneven table leg.) There you go. Solid as the white man's hold on the Senate. Kitty: You're not going to leave that matchbook under there, are you? Larry: You bet. Edward: She means "Don't leave that matchbook under there". Kitty: Edward, I can speak for myself. (To Larry) Don't you want to sand the legs so that they're level? Larry: Nah, not really. Edward: She means "Do it". Larry: Ok. Kitty: (Dripping with sweetness) Thank you. Larry: What does that mean? Edward: I don't know, but it rarely means "Thank you".

Pete: You smell something burning? Greg: That's sage. White sage. Pete: And why is white sage burning? Greg: Because Dharma and her mother and Jane are having kind of an exorcism. Pete: (Nodding) Ah. Dharma: (Rushing into the room) Honey, have you seen the big, plastic trash can and the molasses? Greg: Uh, kitchen. Dharma: Thanks. Pete: Trash can? Greg: Spirit catcher. It's got a good, tight lid. Pete: So, what? You catch more evil spirits with molasses than with vinegar?

Greg: Look at that! Look at him run! Pete: Maybe a doll scared him.

Pete: So you're saying you weren't scared? Greg: Scared of what? Dolls? Pete: Jane said you screamed. Greg: I did not scream. Pete: She said you screamed like a woman. Greg: It's because I was in pain. I fell. Pete: She said you fell pushing Abby out of the way.

Greg: Dharma, I did not unpack the dolls. Dharma: Oh, God. Greg: This is a real head scratcher. Dharma: Yeah, you scratch. I'm moving! Greg: What? Where are you going? We're having a housewarming. Dharma: Yeah, it's warm enough. What are you waiting for, a pitchfork in the ass?

Kitty: Now tell me; if I wanted to purchase a set like this, how would do it without actually venturing into the east bay? Larry: I don't know. I don't sell them anywhere else. Edward: What she means is: Finkelstein, can she buy one from you now? Larry: Oh, sure. (Directly to Edward) Tell her yes. Edward: (To Kitty) He says yes.

Kitty: What a lovely gift, Larry. Did you make this yourself? Larry: Yep. Kitty: You're right, Edward. He is part savant. Larry: Hand-crafted with hand-crafted handcrafting tools that I hand-crafted. Kitty: Then there's the other part.

Jane: Heard you got some evil demons. Greg: Aw, don't tell me you believe that stuff, too. Jane: No, but you gotta admit it's pretty spooky what happened to the people who lived here before you. Greg: What happened? Jane: They were kind of quiet, kept to themselves, never talked to anyone in the building. One day they moved, no one heard from them again. Spooky, huh? Greg: (Muttering to himself) Everything's spooky when you say it.

Jane: Happy Housewarming. Greg: Thanks! It...it's open. Jane: Yeah. It's good, too.

(Greg tips the doll over, causing it to say "Ma ma".) Dharma: Oh, my God. That doll just said "Dharma". Greg: No, it said "Mama". See? (Tips doll over again; doll says "Ma ma" again) Dharma: I am not your mama. Go back to Hell!

Greg: Dharma, you're not really scared of these things, now are you? Dharma: No, I'm wet myself scared of them, Greg.

Greg: I was thinking about giving the dolls to a charity. Dharma: What, like the Salvation Army of Darkness?