Greg: What am I gonna do?
Pete: Well, we don't know the deceased's specific wishes, but a simple flushing is always tasteful.
Pete: What do you think killed him?
Greg: I don't know; maybe he had a heart attack.
Pete: Sure, yeah. Stress, bad diet, the rat race...
Greg: Come on. I have to get rid of this rat.
Abby: Well then, get a humane trap that captures him alive, and set him free in his natural habitat.
Pete: His natural habitat's an apartment building.
Abby: Oh, dear God. Are those what I think they are?
Greg: Depends. Do you think they're rat traps?
Pete: We're gonna need a little more bait here.
Greg: There's a baguette in the kitchen that he loves.
Pete: Little fancy rat, is he?
Greg: How many traps did you buy?
Pete: I got a couple dozen. You want to catch a rat before Dharma gets home, you got to go to Defcon 5.
Greg: Whenever she gets her feelings hurt, she goes down to that billiards room to sulk.
Dharma: Well, what have you people been doing to her? She's incredible!
Arnold: We're closed.
Greg: Please. I just need a rat.
Arnold: Sorry. You'll have to wait until morning.
Greg: I'll give you 50 bucks for a rat.
Arnold: (To Pete) Is he serious?
Pete: I don't know; I'm just here to mock him.
This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #75.
Pete: If you wanna catch a rat before Dharma comes home, you gotta go to DEFCON 5.
The defense readiness condition (DEFCON) measures the alert status of the US military forces. While Pete means that Greg has to go all out in his rat hunt, DEFCON 5 actually indicates peacetime. DEFCON 1 would have been correct, as it is reserved for an imminent or ongoing war with the usage of all available troops.