Greg: I do not have stage fright. I just don't like being a float in my mother's "Look At Me" parade!
Kitty: Gregory, this has nothing to do with me. This is about charity!
Greg: None of these things are about charity; they're excuses for idle rich women to show off their new clothes!
Kitty: Gregory, these charity events are my life's work!
Greg: And isn't that a shame, Mother? (walks away from Kitty)
Greg: My cousin, Frank, hasn't talked to his mother in ten years.
Dharma: Is that the cousin who boils his house keys every night?
Greg: It's not because he stopped talking to his mother, it's because he didn't stop soon enough.
Edward: It says melon balls on this thing. I hope that's an appetizer, not a disease.
The title is an allusion to the 1978 autobiography "Mommie Dearest" by Christina Crawford, daughter of Joan Crawford, and the 1981 film of the same title.