Dharma & Greg

Season 4 Episode 7

Mad Secretaries and Englishmen

Aired Unknown Dec 05, 2000 on ABC
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Episode Summary

Mad Secretaries and Englishmen
Dharma & Greg's love life suffers because neither of them can keep from helping other people with their love problems, including Greg's crazy, lovesick secretary Marlene. Their romantic getaway gets postpones so Dharma can set Marlene up with Jane's flaxy ex. Meanwhile, Abby comes up with a scheme to make money and feed Harry at the same time.moreless

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Susan Sullivan

Susan Sullivan

Kitty Montgomery

Jenna Elfman

Jenna Elfman

Dharma Freedom Finkelstein Montgomery

Thomas Gibson

Thomas Gibson

Gregory 'Greg' Clifford Montgomery

Shae D'Lyn

Shae D'Lyn

Jane Cavanaugh (Seasons 1-4)

Alan Rachins

Alan Rachins

Myron Lawrence Finkelstein

Joel Murray

Joel Murray

Peter 'Pete' Cavanaugh

Steve Valentine

Steve Valentine


Guest Star

Kevin Cooney

Kevin Cooney

Archbishop Livingston

Guest Star

Yeardley Smith

Yeardley Smith


Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (18)

    • Kitty: Come along, Edward. There's someone I want you to meet.
      Edward: I hope his name is Johnny Walker.
      Kitty: It's the Archbishop.
      Edward: I hope his name is Archbishop Johnny Walker.

    • Greg: How's the party going?
      Edward: I don't like anybody here and your mother won't let me drink.
      Dharma: OK. I guess we're up to speed.

    • Dharma: How'd it go?
      Greg: Great. I feel much better.
      Dharma: Good. Did you guys hug?
      Greg: No, but I think a connection was made.
      Dharma: With Roger too?
      Greg: Oh, especially with Roger.

    • Greg: (Holding Roger against the wall) There is nothing I can say to Marlene that's going to change anything...
      Roger: Now look, mate...
      Greg: Don't talk, listen. That woman's been my secretary for eight years. She's not very good, she's rather unpleasant, and frankly, when she calls in sick, I do a little happy dance. But so help me, if you hurt her, I'll be back, and when I'm done with you, "nurse" will be the most important word in your vocabulary.

    • Dharma: Did you sleep ok?
      Greg: Pete snores like a cartoon bear.

    • Dharma: Marlene likes him.
      Greg: She doesn't know any better, and you do. You shouldn't have fixed her up with him.
      Dharma: What, are you saying she'd be better off alone and miserable?
      Greg: Yeah, well, alone and miserable is better than being with some unemployed leech who doesn't like the word "nurse".

    • Dharma: Alright. Honey, I'll admit that Roger is a bit of a diamond in the rough.
      Greg: He's a moron in the rough. If he works real hard, someday he'll be a moron.

    • Dharma: You know, Marlene loves poetry. Don't you, Marlene?
      Marlene: Well, I'm no expert like Roger.
      Dharma: You know, maybe you two share a favorite poet. Roger, who do you like?
      Roger: Oh, I don't read poetry. No, see, theres's always a danger that you copy something.
      Greg: I'm sorry, what?
      Roger: "Tabula rasa", my friend. "Tabula rasa".
      Marlene: What's that?
      Roger: It's Latin. "Blank slate". I'm a blank "rasa". Or a blank "tabula". Whichever one means slate.

    • Roger: It's not like I chose to be a poet, you know. Poetry chose me. 'Cause I like words. Not all words. I don't like "canvas" or "nurse".

    • Dharma: Come on, I promised. It's a blind date; she doesn't want to go alone.
      Greg: Why can't Jane go?
      Dharma: 'Cause Jane and this guy used to go out and they had a big misunderstanding. He thinks Jane tried to kill him.

    • Greg: We've got tonight, and I'm not going to let anything ruin it.
      Dharma: Well then, here's a bit of a challenge for you. I promised that we'd go out with Marlene and the guy that Jane and I are fixing her up with.
      Greg: Dharma, if you don't love me any more you can just tell me.

    • Dharma: Do you have any idea how long it's been since she [Marlene] has had sex?
      Greg: I don't want to know.
      Dharma: Four years. FOUR!
      Greg: You're kidding.
      Dharma: No. Are you feeling a little more compassionate now?
      Greg: No, but I understand how she was able to needlepoint that car cover.

    • Marlene: Well, isn't that terrific. We're all weepy for Pete but no one cares about the pain I live with each and every day.
      Greg: No, I care. In fact, why don't you take the rest of the day off?
      Marlene: And just keep my pain all bottled up inside until one day the cork finally blows?
      Greg: Whatever you like. It's your day.

    • Greg: Is Pete here yet?
      Marlene: He's not coming in today.
      Greg: Great!
      Marlene: You want to know why?
      Greg: Not really.
      Marlene: Hey! How come he gets to waltz in here whenever he feels like it and I have to get here at the crack of 10:30?

    • Greg: Why don't you take an early lunch?
      Marlene: I brought a sandwich.
      Greg: Well, it's a beautiful day; eat it in the park.
      Marlene: What do I look like, a squirrel?
      Greg: A little.

    • Greg: It's been a week. It would have been okay to wake me.
      Dharma: I tried. I nibbled, I tickled, I bit you on the butt - nothing.
      Greg: Oh, good, that's a hickie. I was going to call the dermatologist.

    • Greg: Morning.
      Dharma: Morning.
      Greg: How are you feeling?
      Dharma: Like a possum curled up in my mouth and died. Wanna fool around?

    • Dharma: (Coming home drunk) The key won't work.
      Greg: That's the car key.
      Dharma: Well, then the apartment won't start.

  • NOTES (1)