Dharma & Greg

Season 4 Episode 7

Mad Secretaries and Englishmen

Aired Unknown Dec 05, 2000 on ABC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Kitty: Come along, Edward. There's someone I want you to meet.
      Edward: I hope his name is Johnny Walker.
      Kitty: It's the Archbishop.
      Edward: I hope his name is Archbishop Johnny Walker.

    • Greg: How's the party going?
      Edward: I don't like anybody here and your mother won't let me drink.
      Dharma: OK. I guess we're up to speed.

    • Dharma: How'd it go?
      Greg: Great. I feel much better.
      Dharma: Good. Did you guys hug?
      Greg: No, but I think a connection was made.
      Dharma: With Roger too?
      Greg: Oh, especially with Roger.

    • Greg: (Holding Roger against the wall) There is nothing I can say to Marlene that's going to change anything...
      Roger: Now look, mate...
      Greg: Don't talk, listen. That woman's been my secretary for eight years. She's not very good, she's rather unpleasant, and frankly, when she calls in sick, I do a little happy dance. But so help me, if you hurt her, I'll be back, and when I'm done with you, "nurse" will be the most important word in your vocabulary.

    • Dharma: Did you sleep ok?
      Greg: Pete snores like a cartoon bear.

    • Dharma: Marlene likes him.
      Greg: She doesn't know any better, and you do. You shouldn't have fixed her up with him.
      Dharma: What, are you saying she'd be better off alone and miserable?
      Greg: Yeah, well, alone and miserable is better than being with some unemployed leech who doesn't like the word "nurse".

    • Dharma: Alright. Honey, I'll admit that Roger is a bit of a diamond in the rough.
      Greg: He's a moron in the rough. If he works real hard, someday he'll be a moron.

    • Dharma: You know, Marlene loves poetry. Don't you, Marlene?
      Marlene: Well, I'm no expert like Roger.
      Dharma: You know, maybe you two share a favorite poet. Roger, who do you like?
      Roger: Oh, I don't read poetry. No, see, theres's always a danger that you copy something.
      Greg: I'm sorry, what?
      Roger: "Tabula rasa", my friend. "Tabula rasa".
      Marlene: What's that?
      Roger: It's Latin. "Blank slate". I'm a blank "rasa". Or a blank "tabula". Whichever one means slate.

    • Roger: It's not like I chose to be a poet, you know. Poetry chose me. 'Cause I like words. Not all words. I don't like "canvas" or "nurse".

    • Dharma: Come on, I promised. It's a blind date; she doesn't want to go alone.
      Greg: Why can't Jane go?
      Dharma: 'Cause Jane and this guy used to go out and they had a big misunderstanding. He thinks Jane tried to kill him.

    • Greg: We've got tonight, and I'm not going to let anything ruin it.
      Dharma: Well then, here's a bit of a challenge for you. I promised that we'd go out with Marlene and the guy that Jane and I are fixing her up with.
      Greg: Dharma, if you don't love me any more you can just tell me.

    • Dharma: Do you have any idea how long it's been since she [Marlene] has had sex?
      Greg: I don't want to know.
      Dharma: Four years. FOUR!
      Greg: You're kidding.
      Dharma: No. Are you feeling a little more compassionate now?
      Greg: No, but I understand how she was able to needlepoint that car cover.

    • Marlene: Well, isn't that terrific. We're all weepy for Pete but no one cares about the pain I live with each and every day.
      Greg: No, I care. In fact, why don't you take the rest of the day off?
      Marlene: And just keep my pain all bottled up inside until one day the cork finally blows?
      Greg: Whatever you like. It's your day.

    • Greg: Is Pete here yet?
      Marlene: He's not coming in today.
      Greg: Great!
      Marlene: You want to know why?
      Greg: Not really.
      Marlene: Hey! How come he gets to waltz in here whenever he feels like it and I have to get here at the crack of 10:30?

    • Greg: Why don't you take an early lunch?
      Marlene: I brought a sandwich.
      Greg: Well, it's a beautiful day; eat it in the park.
      Marlene: What do I look like, a squirrel?
      Greg: A little.

    • Greg: It's been a week. It would have been okay to wake me.
      Dharma: I tried. I nibbled, I tickled, I bit you on the butt - nothing.
      Greg: Oh, good, that's a hickie. I was going to call the dermatologist.

    • Greg: Morning.
      Dharma: Morning.
      Greg: How are you feeling?
      Dharma: Like a possum curled up in my mouth and died. Wanna fool around?

    • Dharma: (Coming home drunk) The key won't work.
      Greg: That's the car key.
      Dharma: Well, then the apartment won't start.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

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