Dharma & Greg

Season 1 Episode 1


Aired Unknown Sep 24, 1997 on ABC



  • Trivia

    • This episode begins with a flashback to Dharma and Greg encountering each other as children on the subway, thus implying that they are "fated" to be together. The New York-style set, however, is not the San Francisco MUNI system it is supposed to be.

    • There is a major "authenticity" goof regarding the San Francisco subway scenes. These were shot in the historic Forrest Hill Muni station, but the train "line" they were riding - the "N-(Judah)" - goes nowhere near Forrest Hill. The lines that do go that route are K-L & M lines.

  • Quotes

    • Dharma: Silly, you don't sleep in the rain, you make love in the rain!
      Greg: Ahhh! What if there's lightning?
      Dharma: Then you get to be on top!

    • Dharma: Don't call me!
      Greg: You don't have a phone!

    • (in the car)
      Dharma: Let me out.
      Greg: I'm not letting you out.
      Dharma: I said, let me out!
      Greg: Fine. Get out.
      Dharma: You're really kicking me out?
      Greg: We're here...
      Dharma: Oh.

    • Kitty: So how long have you two been dating?
      Greg: Actually we're not dating. We're married.
      Kitty: Pardon?
      Edward: He said they're...
      Kitty: I heard him!
      Greg: I know it's a big surprise, but I need you to trust me on this. I love this woman and I've never been happier in my life.
      (Kitty and Edward look at each other)
      Dharma: So do you guys just hate me?

    • Abby (to Greg): Give me your hand. Ok... Long life line, that's good... What am I doing? You two probably wanna have sex.

    • Greg: You lost me...
      Dharma: I know. But that was another lifetime and I promise I won't let it happen again.

    • Dharma: You deserve a reward.
      Greg: What did you have in mind?
      Dharma: Do you like blueberry pie?
      Greg: Uhhh, sure.
      Dharma: C'mon!
      Greg: But the Giants are winning!
      Dharma: Who?

    • Dharma: God, that's so sweet! Nobody has ever intimidated someone for me before. Thank you.

    • Dharma: Whoo! Nectarine time! Comb your frog!
      Guy at baseball park: Hey, Gidget, shut up!
      Greg: Excuse me?
      Guy at baseball park: I'm not talking to you.
      Greg: You are now.
      Guy at baseball park: Oh yeah? Who the hell are you?
      Greg (Showing his ID): Greg Montgomery, Justice Department. You have two options: either you can apologize to the lady or we'll take a little ride over to Customs and have a chat about these Cuban cigars of yours.
      Guy at baseball park (humbled): Oh man... Sorry.

    • Greg: I wouldn't have pegged you for a baseball fan.
      Dharma: No, I'm not. I just love to listen to organ music and scream. You know, you could scream anything you want at a baseball game and it doesn't even have to make sense.
      Greg: Nah!
      Dharma: Yep, watch this! (stands) Come on big guy, drive your coffee table to Idaho! Whoo!! (sits) Try it; it's fun!
      Greg: No, that's okay.

    • Kitty: (sighs) I cannot believe we are taking the train.
      Edward: Fine. We'll stand in the rain and watch cabs go by.
      Young Greg: This is fun!
      Kitty: No, it's not. It's public transportation. Don't touch anything; everything's dirty.
      Edward: Don't stare at strangers. They'll want money.

    • Greg: Mom, Dad, you've got to believe me, I did the right thing here.
      Edward: Oh my God. She's pregnant.
      Greg: She's not pregnant. I just met her yesterday.
      Kitty: Consuela! Bourbon grande por favor!

    • Greg: We should probably get some sleep.
      Dharma: Mmm, yeah. What time is it?
      Greg: 8 a.m.
      Dharma: The pie shop just opened!
      Greg: I'll jump in the shower! Wanna join me?
      Dharma: Honey, I've been joining you for the last eight hours!

    • Greg: (meeting Dharma for the first time) Dharma Finkelstein?
      Dharma: Yeah, I know. My dad was Jewish, but he wished he was the Dalai Lama.

    • Dharma: My family lived in Reno for a couple years 'til my dad fixed the van.

    • Greg: I'd usually exchange phone numbers with you, we'd start dating, things would go pretty well at first, until I started calling you too much, then you'd get annoyed and start screening your calls, so I call you really late 'cause I know you'll be home, you pick up, I panic, hang up, you star-69 me, I'm too embarrassed to ever talk to you again, so we break up.
      Dharma: Aaack! Let's not do that!

    • Dharma hears Greg's cell phone ringing, finds it in the pocket of his trousers hanging on the bed post, answers it:
      Dharma: Greg's pants. He's not in them right now.

    • Dharma: I was just so sure he was the one.
      Abby: I know, darlin'. Maybe someday he will be. That's what reincarnation is for.

    • Dharma: You must have had to compromise a lot for Larry.
      Abby: Well, not really. Not anything I had to stick with. Your father blew out his short-term memory back in 1972.

    • Greg: Married, I can't believe it…are we nuts?
      Dharma: Yeah, but think of the great story we'll be able to tell our children.
      Greg: Oh, good. You want to have children.
      Dharma: Yeah, unless you want to have them.

    • Dharma: Greg... I want you to meet my dog Stinky... and this is Stinky's dog, Nunzio.
      Greg: Stinky has his own dog?
      Dharma: Yeah... it was his Bar Mitzvah present.

    • Kitty: Gregory, if you care about this girl you will end this marriage now.
      Greg: How can you say that?
      Kitty: Darling, I know free spirits like her. I went to Vassar and believe me, after a few years of hanging on your arm at political dinners with this fake smile pasted on her face, all she will be good for is crawling into a bottle of Chardonnay with a Nieman Marcus catalog and a bottle of Valium the size of your head...or so one imagines.

    • Greg: I just can't stop thinking about that girl on the train. I'm an idiot. I should have gone after her. I should have talked to her.
      Pete: No, you shouldn't have and I'll tell you why. You would have gone over, you would have said something nice like, "You were looking at me, I know you want me". Next thing you know you're rolling around on the floor with a face full of pepper spray.
      Greg: Good talking to you, Pete.

    • Jane: (hugging Greg) If you cause my friend any emotional pain whatsoever, I'll punish you in ways you can't even imagine.

  • Notes

    • This episode receives several award nominations: James Burrows was nominated for the 1998 Emmy Award for "Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series" for this episode, and for the 1998 DGA Award for "Outstanding Directorial Achievement in Comedy Series" for this episode. Also, Dottie Dartland and Chuck Lorre were nominated for the 1999 WGA Award (TV) for "Episodic Comedy" for this episode.

    • At the end of each episode, a message appeared on the screen for a brief moment, so that it is readable only to those who record the program and pause it. These "vanity cards" were written by producer and show co-creator Chuck Lorre, and express his personal views on a variety of subjects.

    • This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #1. This was the very first Lorre production to include a Card.

  • Allusions

    • Guy at baseball game: Hey, Gidget, shut up.

      Gidget was the eternally-cheerful title character of a book, movie series, and TV show.