Dharma: Kitty, can I talk to you for a second?
Kitty: Absolutely. What's up papercup?
Dharma: There are a few things that I've done to you that I'm not very proud of.
Dharma: And I thought, well I wanted to unburden myself to you and ask for your forgiveness.
Kitty: I love it. One, two, three go.
Larry: ...and boom, I lost the best job I ever had.
Greg: Maybe you just weren't right for the position.
Larry: No, you're not listening. I lost the job. They said "Start Monday". I bought a new shirt, got in the car early Monday morning, drove around for hours. Couldn't find it! Finally, just went to the movies.
Greg: (Regarding Kitty's erratic behavior) What the hell's going on?
Edward: I don't know. She went through the change six months ago. Maybe she's changing back.
Celia: Mrs. Montgomery isn't an easy woman to work for. Very high strung. If I didn't switch her real coffee for decaf, she would be bouncing off the walls.
Larry: She doesn't know you give her decaf?
Celia: No, and I water down her martinis so she won't get drunk. And every time she asks me for a valium, I give her a mild laxative.
Larry: Wow. I can't imagine what she'll be like without you.
Celia: I can.
Dharma: Those poor birds. Wendy, Janine, Big Tony, Little Tony. How do you sleep at night?
Greg: Actually, much better. They were right under the window.
Greg: Do you remember the pigeon's nest that was right under our bedroom window?
Dharma: The one the hawk got?
Greg: Well, there was no hawk. The cooing and the chirping was driving me nuts so I moved the nest to the park.
Dharma: You can't just move the bird's nest. The mother'll never be able to find it and the chicks will starve to death.
Greg: I know that now.
Dharma: (Starting to cry) Oh my God.
Greg: I'm sorry. But I unburdened and you're right; I feel so much better, karmic baggage-wise.
Dharma: You murdered babies?
Greg: Not babies! Pigeons. Rats with wings!
Dharma: Well, over the past several years, I've also lied to you sometimes.
Abby: Mmm hmm...
Dharma: I never had a wheatgrass colonic, I've never had a lesbian experience, and I've never mooned a cop.
Abby: Why would you lie about those things?
Dharma: I don't know. You're my mom; I wanted you to be proud of me.
Pete: Now what happens?
Greg: She lights the ceremonial candle of the next seven years.
Pete: Should I get a fire extinguisher?
Pete: Where is it?
Greg: Under the sink.
Pete: Should we sing "Happy Birthday" or something?
Greg: It's not a birthday, Pete, it's a karmic re-birthday.
Pete: Basically it's the same song, Greg.
Edward: What was that all about?
Kitty: Oh, for Heaven's sakes, I wasn't listening. I feel as if someone opened my head and poured in hot nickels.
This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #55.