Diff'rent Strokes

Philip: ...The kids have this ridiculous idea that you're planning to send them away to school in some other country. Diane: What's ridiculous about it? Philip: Excuse me? I want to meet your kids; I want my kids to meet your kids... Diane: Philip, with five kids in the house, we'd never have any time alone. Philip: Well, one day they'll grow up and be on their own, but for now I want to spend as much time as I can with them. Diane: Philip, that's a lovely sentiment, but terribly old-fashioned...I'm just not the sort of parent who likes being chained to children. Philip: "Chained?" Even though it hasn't always been a cakewalk, I've always thought of raising kids as a joy and a privilege - never as a chore.

Arnold: Mr. D. would rather take some dumb birds and bees on his honeymoon than us.

Diane: Arnold, when a man takes a woman out on the balcony, he doesn't show her a telescope. Arnold: What's he show her then? Philip: The moon. Arnold: At her age, shouldn't she have seen the moon by now?

Arnold: Would you like an after dinner mint? Philip: No. Arnold: Some bubble gum? Philip: No bubble gum. Arnold: How about a toothpick? Philip: Goodnight, Arnold. Arnold: Well since you're going to bed, you won't be needing a toothpick.

Diane: (proudly) I have a boy and a girl, and I see them about twice a year. Willis: Twice a year? Arnold makes more trips than that to the dentist. Arnold: Yeah, I don't have any teeth left.

Kimberly: If you propose to her, you'll get married and she's going to ship us off to schools in different countries. We won't be together!

Willis: Arnold, we're about to become the Harlem globetrotters. Kimberly: And I'm the only female on the team. Arnold: Willis? Willis: Yeah Arnold? Arnold: I hope we like it in Africa.