Season 2 Episode 17


Aired Monday 8:00 PM Jul 25, 2000 on UPN



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Dilbert: We have this new thing called the Internet.
      Ben Franklin: Internet, yes yes, a global telecommunications network built on the TCPIP standard. Saw it coming.
      Dilbert: You did not.
      Ben Franklin: Yes, I did.
      Dilbert: How could you?
      Ben Franklin: I'm a founding father you little punk! You wanna start with me?!!

    • Ben Franklin: Can anyone give me an update on my inventions?
      Dilbert: Well, electricity is doing fine.
      Ben Franklin: Hah that was a good one. How about the post office? Did it become the model of efficiency I envisioned?
      Dilbert: Well to be honest, a stamp costs more than you paid for your first horse, you can stand in line for an hour then find out that you're in the wrong line, the expression going postal refers to someone losing their mind, going crazy and opening fire on large groups of innocent people.
      (Ben Franklin has a heart attack and dies)
      Garbage Man: Nice work.
      Dilbert: I killed Ben Franklin.

    • (Garbage Man pulls out Ben Franklin's coffin)
      Dilbert: How did you get Ben Franklin's body?
      Garbage Man: You'll be surprised at what people throw out
      Dilbert: It's a little too late for him to help us.
      Garbage Man: (Brings out bottle of green liquid) Maybe not, I saw this in an info-commercial once, I've been dying to try it.
      (Pours liquid down Ben Franklin's throat and revives him)
      Garbage Man. It says it removes carpet stains too but I have my doubts.

    • Ashley: I've been authorized to do whatever it takes to make you a friend of tobacco.
      Dilbert: Whatever it takes?
      Ashley: (licks lips and puffs out smoke) Anything.
      Dilbert: Well, okay, I'd like you to quit smoking.
      Ashley: What?
      Dilbert: It's for your own good
      Ashley: I can't do that. I'm addicted. It's an illness. You can't just quit like that.
      Dilbert: You said anything.

    • Dilbert: This might sound crazy but after careful consideration, I'm actually happy for a change to be assigned a project against my will. The Internet voting network will double voter participation. I'm gonna make democracy work, it's an awesome responsibility.
      Wally: Let me know when you get working, I always wondered what it would be like to vote.
      Dilbert: You mean you've never voted?
      Wally: It's too much of a hassle, but if i didn't have to drive....
      Alice: Look! You're encouraging morons to vote. That can't be possibly good.
      Dilbert: You can't use Wally as a typical example of humanity.
      Wally: I'm special.
      Dilbert: Take Loud Howard, he's more typical of the average voter.
      Loud Howard: Yes, I always vote for the tallest guy. The tall ones are better.

    • Wally: What's the internet voting network?
      Dilbert: It's a concept for letting people vote over the internet in national elections.
      Pointy-Haired Boss: Dilbert, you seem to know the most about the internet voting network so you're the project leader.
      Dilbert: What? That's all
      I know and now that I've said it, everyone in this room knows as much as I do.
      Wally: I tuned you out right after the part you started talking.

    • Carol: Your new masseuse is here. She wants to know how you'll be paying.
      Pointy-Haired Boss: Paying? Did you explain to her that she gets to touch MY naked back?
      Carol: For some reason that wasn't enough.
      Pointy-Haired Boss: Who needs her. Tell her to put an egg in her shoe and beat it if you know what I mean.
      Carol: Not at all, and the following mumbling is not necessarily about you. (mumbles) ignorant pumice horses ass.
      Pointy-Haired Boss: Must be problems at home.

    • Dilbert: Not real love, but at least the kind that gives you false hope for a couple of days. I like false hope.

    • Dogbert: If by heart of gold, you meant lungs of charcoal then yes.

    • Loud Howard: Thanks to your Internet Voting Network, no one will ever have to vote thirsty again.

    • Garbage Man: Keep your shirt on.
      Dilbert: I had no intention of taking it off.

    • Alice: Look, you're encouraging morons to vote. That can't possibly be good.
      Dilbert: You can't use Wally as a typical example of humanity.
      Wally: I'm special.

    • Asok: My personal goal for ethics training is to learn the cultural underpinnings of morality with special emphasis on pragmatism versus devine will.

    • Pointy-Haired Boss: You may have heard that our company has been accused of unethical business practices.
      Alice: Is it because of our falsified product safety tests?
      Wally: is it because of the false stories plantes in the media about our competitors?
      Dilbert: Is it because of our crime family connections?
      Pointy-Haired Boss: What?! Are you saying those things are unethical too. Good God! This thing is just snowballing.

    • Pointy-Haired Boss: (being bribed) Give me some more of that mean green!

    • Ashok: Hey! Look at me! I'm voting, and I'm not even a citizen.

    • Benjamin Franklin: It's been so long since I've attended a meeting of the secret ruling society. Do we still choose the president the same way?
      Dogbert: The old ways are the best ways.

  • Notes

  • Allusions