Dilbert

Dilbert: I thought you were going to wake me at 6:30. Dogbert: I also said women like men who are shaped like potatoes - can you find the pattern here?

Dilbert: (thinking of new name for product) How about Sisyphus, the the guy who pushed a rock up a hill for eternity? Pointy-haired Boss: It could convey a sense of playfulness... Dilbert: (dumbstruck) It's supposed to convey a sense of futility! Pointy-haired Boss: You have to look at it from the rock's point of view.

Pointy-Haired Boss' Boss: Salmonella. (pauses) I like it. By this time next year I want every person in the country driving a Salmonella. Dilbert: It's not necessarily a car. Pointy-Haired Boss' Boss: It's not? Then why are we giving it a car name.

Dogbert: (points to Dilbert) How about Salmonella in honor of rooster boy here?

Dogbert: There's still plenty of names left in the areas of Greek mythology, bodily secretions, diseases, and everything involving intestines.

Pointy Haired Boss: Well there's no point in killing a dead horse. Dilbert: You mean there's no point in beating a dead horse. Pointy Haired Boss: Why would anyone beat a dead horse? Dilbert:Why would anyone kill a dead horse? Pointy Haired Boss: Maybe it kicked you. Dilbert: (exasperated) It's already dead. Pointy Haired Boss: And so is every customer who used our flagship product.

Wally: The herbal throat lozenges? Dilbert: I told them at the rollout meeting that Anthrax was a bacteria not an herb. Wally: No you didn't. Dilbert: I was thinking it pretty hard.

Dilbert: (to Wally and Alice) Are we sticking with our ban on useless greetings? Wally and Alice (groaning) Yes. Dilbert: Just checking.

Dogbert: Don't you do enough engineering at work? Dilbert: Work is just meetings. (points to voice activated shower) This is engineering.

Dogbert: Is it that hard to turn the knobs? Dilbert: It's not that it's hard, it's unnecessary.

Frenchman: Leave the premises now, or I will be forced to call the security guard, who although old and feeble, will whip you and beat you without mercy until you sing campfire songs in the voice of a little girl!

Dilbert: I thought you were gonna wake me at 6:30. Dogbert: I also said women like men who are shaped like potatoes. Can you find the pattern here?

Dilbert: What do you think an egg dream means? Dogbert: Hmm, probably an omen. Dilbert: A good omen? Dogbert: How many good omens involve things that come out of a chicken's butt? Dilbert: There only has to be one.

Dilmom: Standard Scrabble rules apply: no kicking, biting or slapping. No projectiles of any kind. Dilbert: Name calling? Dilmom: Only on your own turn.

Dogbert: Where'd you get the voice for that thing? It sounds like the computer from that stupid movie. What was it? Something something, a Space Odyssey? Dilbert: It wasn't Something Something a space Odyssey, it was 2001, a space---AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Dilbert: What's a mousepad? Wally: Feminine protection for mice. (Alice slaps him with a book)