Dinosaurs

Robbie: So, Dad, when do I get to take her for a spin? Earl: It's a brand new car, son. It's not meant to be driven.

Earl: The whole thing's a fix if you ask me, I mean you don't need a license to go fishing or to buy a gun, but to be a parent, for that you need a license.

(During the parenting test) Earl: He told me his imaginary friend was scary, so I took an imaginary machine gun and blew off his imaginary head.

Baby: My diaper's itching...I think I'll take it off. Earl: Don't you dare! Baby: Nobody's gonna stop me, no parent here...in there.