Unmarried ... With Children

Season 2, Episode 9, Aired

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A new neighbor Monica, gets Fran thinking about the state of her marriage with Earl. After finding out that their marriage license is expired, she realizes that she and Earl think very differently about their marriage. Fran suggests they don't live together after Earl fails the test to renew their license.moreless
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    • QUOTES (8)

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      • Earl: Five o' clock Roy. About the time I'd be heading home, back when I had a home. Roy: Water under the bridge pally boy. Now it's party time. You and me, two single guys on the prowl, hunting down females with low self-esteem.

      • Charlene: Mom, are males born disgusting? Fran: Well Charlene, that's the old nature-nuture question. I believe they're born somewhat disgusting but need to spend years with each other to fine tune it to a sort of total grossness.

      • Fran: I just think that if she didn't want to renew her marriage license, she must not have been very happy. Earl: Happy? Happy? What does happy have to do with marriage? Look at me. I'm married and I'm not happy. It's Thursday night. I'm supposed to be happy, but I'm not, and you know who's fault that is? Monica, the marriage killer, and she's coming this way, so lock your doors, hide your children, no more Thursday nights for anybody!

      • Fran: Earl, what do you think of Monica? Earl: The male hater? Fran: She is not! And you were very rude to her this afternoon.

      • Earl: So your husband's in real estate? Monica: No, I'm in real estate. Earl: Well it's nice your husband lets you help around the office, what do you do, make him coffee? Monica: No I don't make coffee for my husband, because I don't have a husband.

      • Earl: I got your favorite flowers...ragweed. (buzzer rings) Earl: Now what? Fran: Roses are my favorite flowers. Earl: Well I knew it had an R in it.

      • Baby: Buy me a dress.

      • Monica: I don't have a husband. Charlene: Tar pit? Monica: I'm divorced. Fran: Divorced? What's that mean? Monica: It means I was married, and now I'm not. Charlene: Did he get eaten? Monica: I didn't renew my marriage license. Fran: I didn't know you had to renew. Monica: Oh yeah, every 20 years you have to send in 40 bucks, I took a look at my marriage, and it wasn't worth 40 bucks. Fran: But wasn't he a good husband? Didn't he buy you a house, put food on the table and protect you from predators? Monica: Oh sure, but he never did anything that was important to me, like remember my birthday, take me out to dinner, or suck the parasites out of my ears, I mean he knows I can't use a Q-tip.

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